Last night when I was dead silent on the other end of the phone Blossom she said to D*, “she hung up on me.” Then I heard her start wailing. She then hung up the phone. I called right back and D* answered the phone with Blossom wailing in the background. Wailing is not an exaggeration. Remember the movie “The Greatest Story Every Told” where Mary is leaning over Jesus’ dead body crying and mourning the loss of her child? That is truly the kind of wailing that Blossom was doing last night. The girl cried so hard that both D* and I were taken aback. I think my response was supposed to be, “stop crying, I know you didn’t mean it this time or the two times you made some racial slur, everything is okay.” Well, I didn’t. I asked her why she was crying like that. She said it was because, “because I love you so much.” And that she never, ever wanted to hurt or offend me. At that point I heard her become a potential maniac or someone that would commit suicide because you told them you didn’t want to be friends anymore. I was shocked as hell that the n-word even came out of her mouth but I was just plain disturbed by her sobbing reaction to me being upset.
The conversation ended by me telling her that I needed to go. She said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” That time I really did hang up first.
The level of anger and disappointment I feel right now has flamed right into self loathing. I am angry at myself because I should have told this bitch to leave me alone along time ago. Why don’t I? Because I’m lonely, that’s why. Is that an excuse? It’s the only one I have. So, the girl constantly reminds me of my faults, brings up the whole weight issue (hers, her daughters, her friends kids, etc.) nit picks about my cats THEN uses the n-word but lonely me hasn’t had enough yet. At this point I’ve offended myself because I haven’t told her to leave me alone. So I have a decision to make, will I keep letting her hurt me or will I stand up for myself and tell her to never come around here or call me again? Will I keep being offended and hurt or will I practice what I preach and realize my self worth and tell her to leave me alone?
I’m tired of her crying at the drop of a hat. She burned a cig hole in the floor on the restroom because for some reason she was smoking while taking a (insert that cat’s name) and dropped the cig on the floor. She came out of the restroom so upset. I was like, big deal Blossom. I don’t have a major issue with one barely noticeable mark. The way she was talking it was some gaping hole that the cats could fall through. What the hell were you smoking? Her reply was, “I was about to break into tears.” I knew then that a lot of her crying is manipulative and a source of distraction so that the perceived bad isn’t focused on but her lack of emotional control is.
Here is a side note: Slurs against any race, against men or women and racial jokes will get you banned from ever commenting on this journal again. As a matter of fact Wordpress has a place where we can put “blacklisted” words and email addresses. I have included all major racial slurs are on that list. Racial slurs to Black, White, Asian, Arab, Jewish and the like have all been blocked. So when people act stupid and use one of those words or any form of it the comment never makes it on the journal. It is immediately deleted. It doesn’t even go into the moderation box or the spam box. It is tossed in the trash where it belongs. It should be this easy in life, to just blacklist people and feel no sorrow or guilt about it.
Joan of Arc
Blossom The Borderline Bigot: Part 2 of 2 -Sunday, August 20th, 2006-1:43AM EST
I’m a white woman pretty close to Blossom’s age, who grew up with a rabid bigot, one who also abused his children in many ways. It’s pretty shocking when you realize how much of our world is shaded with racisim…either hidden or blatant. Back when I still went to church, I even did a Sunday talk on the subject and it surprised me how many of the sensitive God loving people sat there with total blank looks on their faces. I’m sure they were thinking ‘I’m not a racist’ even as they told a joke about a ‘faggot’. My awareness doesn’t mean I’m not capable of unintentionally hurting someone, just that I try to think about how my actions impact others. The truth is I can have empathy, but due to the accident of my birth I will never really know what it’s like to be part of a persecuted group.
I’m really sorry Blossom can’t see there are some lines she can’t cross with you without causing you pain. Seems like that is what is really hurting you here - she hasn’t *heard* how important it is to you even after you’ve told her what those comments mean. And of course if she hasn’t heard it then something in her just doesn’t see the harm in it. Or like you said, manipulative.
Have only gotten the PMS email from you…am I missing some? Been running like crazy with Mike home this weekend. Also…your blog template should make *you* happy not me! I like this one too, nice blues and grays. Carmon
I think you are right, that she is manipulative. You are telling her what hurts you and yet she is with D who also goes over the line. It almost sounded like you were describing two ten year olds who were snickering about the “bad” words knowing you would be hurt, at least that was how I saw it. You deserve to be treated with respect, not disrespect, not only by others but by yourslef. That is one of the things keepers and I like so much about you, you take the time and the care to chose your words, to be careful to honestly be kind and caring. You deserve the same and I really do hope you find that type fo treatment from all who are around you.
Always
John and keepers