Monthly Archive for August, 2006Page 2 of 6

Captain and the Cicadas

Published
by
Austin
on August 24, 2006
in General Chatter and Pets
. 5 Comments

It looks like a plague rolled through here, like God sent his wrath on this little stretch of Indiana with a vengenence that faded to a slight irritation. The cicadas have eaten just about everything we planted, what they didnt eat Captain has helped himself to. It is funny to watch him look for my eye to divert so he can snatch what’s left of the strawberry patch or what’s left hanging on the white grape vines. He does it ever so genergly, one by one, chews quickly then moves along, waits for my eye to divert then repeats the process until I toss a ball that he instinctively follows. I have never known a dog to love berries the way he does. Barney told me how when he was a kid he picked cherries but that one went in the bucket and the other went in his mouth. He and his brothers ate most of the produce before it ever hit the market. They sat in the back of the truck eating freshly picked mangos, the green or the red. By the end of the night they had a belly full of cherries and mangos wich lead to a belly full of rumble and a very busy restroom. He laughes as he tells me this as if it was all worth it. I suppose it was because he did it often as does Captain. He doesn’t seem to mind the tummy rummbling as long as he gets the sweet taste of freshly pilfered grapes and sweet ripe strawberries.

Anticipating with slobber

I’ve never seen anyone revel in stolen goods the way this boy does. After his crime spree he rolls on his back in the grass then stops with his belly to the sun almost as an offering of thanks. When I call him to come home he comes with a tired yet happy trot and plops on the floor for a long nap. Life should always be this good.

Austin’s August

Ultimatum But Not In Those Words

Published
by
Austin
on August 24, 2006
in Mental Health and Relationships
. 2 Comments

I told her that going to therapy would be the best thing for our friendship and that it could most likely help it. I told her that her own body image is pushed off on others. She said, I know, I’ve passed that onto my girls. I said, yes, you admit that but you don’t do anything to change it. I told her that when she shows me a picture of her girls before she tells me when the pic was taken or where they were she comments on their weight and the length of their hair. Of course the tears started but again, I ignored it and kept talking. I said, you can recognize that you are harming others with your own poor self image but it does not good to recognize it if you don’t want to change it. I said, are you hearing me when I say that going to therapy could help save our friendship? She said, yes, I didn’t take it lightly. I said, I just want to make sure that you hear me when I say that I will not be reminded of my faults every time I talk to you. I used very few I messages in that conversation because I just didn’t feel like it. I wasn’t up to it.

She swears she’s going to therapy but she’s said it before. I’ve given her a time limit that I didn’t disclose to her. If she’s not in therapy by then she can forget ever needing to say she’s sorry to me again. Last night she left a message on my phone saying that she was worried about me and that she hoped I wasn’t still upset. Oh, I guess since she apologized I’m supposed to just not feel hurt anymore. The words I’m sorry do not make the hurt go away, it doesn’t even lesson the length of healing time. When you’ve heard those words before they end up making you even angrier and it takes even more times to heal. How many times did my mother tell me things would change? Countless times!!! Did they? Nope, they never, ever did. Stupid bitch, Mama!!! Anyway, so when Blossom says she’s sorry it means nothing because she’s said it so much. I want to see her in therapy and I want to see her in it within a 2 weeks. Does she know that time limit? Nope, but she knows for certain that our friendship/relationship is in danger of ending if she doesn’t get into therapy. I mean come on, who are we kidding right? We’re a frikin couple. Dang, best friends don’t do this. I never suggest trying to be best friends with your ex. It doesn’t work out like on the TV show Friends where Ross and Rachael hang out and everything is fine and they marry in the end. Blah! Yuck! It’s just TV not real life. In real life people split up for a reason and it’s not that stupid lie “we make better friends.” Who on earth believes that? Nobody so let’s stop kidding ourselves…this therapy shit is to make sure that our relationship doesn’t end bitterly…again!

Speaking of bitter, I spoke with Mic “the dick” briefly because two fellow officers died the other day while doing a bike ride to support the surviving family members of fallen officers. That must have been just horrible, to do a bike ride for fallen officers and then have two killed! His bitterness was understandable today.

Let’s see, who else was bitter? Well, not me, at least not to the degree I was yesterday. Man I was rage filled not just angry but full of rage. It came in waves too. So I’d be “just fine” or hanging on the edge and wham! I’d get hit with a wave of rage and want to just start throwing stuff and hitting stuff. Finally I crashed on the love seat because when things get like that it is best to just call it a day. I learned long ago that days like that can get really bad very quickly. Hurting myself crossed my mind more than once so I knew it was time to simply call it a day. I have heard that if a person gives it a few days they would come to the conclusion that they should continue to live. I wish I could remember the exact quote but I do believe it. So when that thought crosses my mind I remember to give it some time, to not act on impulse. I took my 1mg of clonapin and laid down. When I woke up I wanted to take more but see, I don’t need a drug problem too. I just left it alone because I didn’t want to abuse the medication. The good thing was, I stayed up and got quite a bit of my to-do list completed. I was quite proud of that.

Well, I have therapy tomorrow/today so I should hit the love seat very soon. Blaze will be here to pick me up then I’ll truck on over to the BMV to renew my license. That means my hair has to be cute for the picture. I should pose or something, turn to the side and do a blown kiss at the camera. I can’t wear my baseball cap so the pic will not look like me one single bit. My chubby freckled cheeks will be there with the mischievous gleam in my eye but without the baseball cap pulled down low you wouldn’t really be able to say, yup, that’s Austin alright.

 

Jon Benet Ramsey: Thirst For Beauty And Gore

Published
by
Austin
on August 24, 2006
in Soapbox
. 0 Comments

Jon Benet Ramsey: Thirst For Beauty And Gore - Wednesday, August 23, 2006-11:11PM

UPDATE: Entertainment Tonight has all the lastest gossip about this little girl. They ended the show by saying that they would keep everyone up to speed on the lastest developments. This show also highlighted Mcally Cullin’s birthday as well as the red carpet events coming up soon. They talked about who the guy from the show Friends took to the Emmy’s and other Hollywood gossip. How does a child’s murder fit in with the Emmy Awards? How is the death of a child who was not even part of Hollywood become entertainment? This is all very disgusting.

I’m not really a person who enjoys controversy but I’m also not one to keep silent just because I have an opposing view. I not only have an opposing view to the way the high profile murder is handled I have a loathing for the amount of thirst the public has for each and every detail. Let me make it very clear that I in no way take lightly that a life was taken violently, however, Jon Benet was not the only person killed in 1996. So why do we keep hearing about this one child again and again? The media bombards us with exactly why they report the case when articles and news reporters refer to her as the “6-year-old beauty queen” instead of the six year old child murdered in her own home. The true reason the case is so popular is that it has both gore and beauty, two things the public loves. What matters above everything is that a child was killed violently, period! That is what needs to be addressed and that killer needs to be off the streets for good.

Do I have an opinion on whether or not her parents should have put her in pageants? Nope I don’t because it has no bearing on her death, not in my opinion anyway. Did the person who killed this little girl kill her due to her pageant status? That is unlikely so my opinion on pageants is irrelevant. What does matter is the fact that a life was taken and that life has been plastered all over the media in a disgusting capitalistic display. That display overshadows justice for Jon Benet but even more so it overshadows the unsolved murdered adults and children that died that December and all unsolved murders since then.

There were 19,650 murders for the year 1996 as reported by several sites but more specifically the U.S. Department of Justice Bureau of Justice Statistics. So why are we hearing about one case repeatedly? Is there something about this specific child’s murder that stands out above the rest? Again, it’s the gore and beauty mix that keeps people drawn to the case. This dishonors her and the children who never made the spotlight. All of justice for this child has been perverted and justice for those who were murdered before and after her up to this point shares the same perversion. Do not forget that others shared Jon Benet’s fate and do not forget that it is justice that is needed, not pictures, short films and book after book to tell us the true Jon Benet story.

Do I feel badly for the Ramsey family? I sure do. I feel just as bad for them as I do for the countless names on the Murder Wall that is hosted by the The National Organization of Parents Of Murdered Children, Inc. I have a feeling that they do not have a special beauty-gore wall. I have a feeling that they see each and every victim as equal and deserving of justice. There are countless families that struggle each day due to the death of a murdered child. There are countless families that were accused of killing their child then later exonerated yet still denied peace of mind. Nor were the exonerated awarded a partially mended life. They did not have a national apology or countless books written about their child or loved one.

Death by murder is a destructive force that never seems to let up even when the family has money, no money, a big home, a small home, is Black, White, Hispanic or Korean. Lives are destroyed when a family member is murdered. For those who live each day with unsolved cases how do they feel as they watch one case captivate the world and leave their loved one behind? It is my hope other surviving families do not feel any anger towards Jon Benet because she didn’t ask to be murdered and she never asked to be put in the spotlight like this or held across nations as one of the most famous US murders.

International news for the death of one child, does that not strike you as odd? Have you ever asked yourself, how did they know about Jon Benet Ramsey in Thailand when Bangkok, Thailand is 8375 miles from Boulder, Colorado? How on earth did officials in Thailand know who Jon Benet was? This major spotlight leaves so many other unsolved murders in the dark. That is why it disgusts me to see such fan fair over the arrest of this guy that claims he killed Jon Benet. When the spot light hits one murder case, no matter who that person was, all other cases lose light and fall back. It is unjust.

“Justice will only be achieved when those who are not injured by crime feel as indignant as those who are.”

Quote Found here

Austin’s August

Cabby Blaze

Published
by
Austin
on August 23, 2006
in General Chatter
. 3 Comments

Well, I was given a new regular cab driver since Cabby Clarance found a new job. I’m not so sure having a cab driver by the name of Blaze is such a good thing. It should be interesting to say the least. When he told me his name I about crapped my pants. I said nothing though because I wanted to be heard from again. He looks normal but with a name like Blaze how can you be normal? Only me!!! Only I would get a Cabby named Blaze. That just doesn’t sound as funny as Cabby Clarance. I hope we don’t get stopped by the cops one day and end up in some huge high speed chase that ends in a shoot out because he’s wanted in four states. How does this happen? Of all the cabbies out there why, oh why would I get one named Blaze? I bet he’s on parole…again. I wonder how many tattoos he has? Should I say anything about his name or should I just keep saying, Sir please don’t hurt me I have a dog to take care of.

Blaze will pick me up tomorrow for therapy. I hope he gets his crime spree completed before then because I hope to be on time to my appointment. I hope his mob buddies know he has other responsibilities and that between money laundering, illegal gambling and a few hits tossed in he is supposed to be MY cab driver. I just want a responsible mob-cabby. Is that too much to ask for? 

JofA

Angry Today

Published
by
Austin
on August 22, 2006
in Mental Health
. 2 Comments

I am just angry today…short fuse, heart ache angry…on the verge of tears angry. I’m still struggling with my grandfather I think. I’m just pissed.

I’m angry because I haven’t told Blossom to go away yet. I’m angry. I’m pissed, just pissed. I’m tired of nightmares too.

Little Knock Kneed Aussie

Published
by
Austin
on August 22, 2006
in General Chatter and Pets
. 1 Comment

I am pleased to say that Bella’s prayers were answered. She has not only grown into her eyes but also her ears. Now if we could just do something about her bigger than life attitude. She is getting so big. It was just yesterday that she was trying to nurse off of Gracie’s non-lactating teats. Literally yesterday she tried to nurse from Gracie. Grace use to let her pretend to nurse when she was knee high to a grasshopper but now that she’s much older (by several weeks) Grace has decided it’s time to stop the charade. There was never any milk kid, you’ve gotta come to grips with reality now.

Cap just kinda tolerates her. I can’t say he likes her much but he does tolerate her. Gracie and I kinda like her. All three are sleeping right now but uh, nope, not me. I’m up doing silly art pictures of little knock kneed me. I am bored beyond bored. I should be in bed because I have to get up and renew my driver’s license tomorrow.

Last night was a hard night, another one of those sit straight up in bed kinda nightmare nights. I dread lying down again. I was on the love seat not in the bed but I still sat straight up. It would be safe to say that I’m putting off sleep. It doesn’t do any good because the longer I stay up the more anxious I get.

I’m supposed to go to a therapy group for 15 weeks. That’s a heck of a long time. I’m worried about transportation and about comfortably being able to bring Captain. I know legally I can but are people going to freak out because of his size? It’s clear across town in the evening for an hour and a half. I’m trying to come up with some sort of reason not to commit to this. Fifteen weeks, clear across town kinda scares me a bit…okay, a lot.

Blah,

Me

Don’t Pull The Plug

Published
by
Austin
on August 21, 2006
in General Chatter and Humor
. 6 Comments

Due to the amount of spam on this entry all comments are closed. I apologize for the inconvenience.I think I had another PC burp. Several people didn’t get emails that I sent out on the 18th. This got me thinking about my PC addiction (Enigma shares this addiction too she told me so.) I was just thinking that if this PC ever stopped I think I’d be over the edge for good. DAMN IT I survived my mother just to have my HP die like that? I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE. It’s sad really, to have my whole life on this machine. On windows XP they have you name your computer. Well, I named it Aussie’s Life Machine. I wish they’d given me a heads up that they would add a few words to that. Here is what my PC says when I go to turn it off

Aussie Unplugged

Is that really necessary? I mean come on! This is just wrong, wrong, wrong! I feel I should have been warned that they would add words to my machine’s name. I would have chosen something a little less…permanent.

Aussie

Due to the amount of spam on this entry all comments are closed. I apologize for the inconvenience.

Blossom The Borderline Bigot: Part 1 of 2

Published
by
Austin
on August 20, 2006
in Relationships, Segments, Soapbox and Stupid People
. 2 Comments

Blossom The Borderline Bigot: Part 1 of 2 -Saturday, August 19, 2006-10:59AM EST

 

Let me define the borderline bigot. A borderline bigot is any person of any race that makes insensitive comments about another race. They don’t even have to say it in the company of that specific race but it’s even worse when they do. I don’t think of this person as a racist or an extreme bigot because they don’t go around like a hate filled beast spreading destruction in the name of their broken lord (broken lord as opposed to the true loving God). The B.B. type will make racial jokes (any race) or make some racially provocative statement then when you’re mad they respond with tears and spill a condescending lecture about how they aren’t prejudice. There are two main characteristics of a B.B. 1) insensitivity and 2) ignorance. They don’t seem to realize that they are being insensitive and they don’t seem to realize why it is that we are so upset when stuff like this comes up. Case in point:

I was on the phone with Blossom and D* was in the background at Blossom’s house. We were discussing an acquaintance that lost his cat whose name on paper is “little shit.” Blossom said, oh man that’s horrible. Well, D* said something in the background that I didn’t quite hear so I asked Blossom what she said. Blossom got quiet then said with a humor filled tone D*’s uncle named his cat the n-word. She said the actual word. I was furious and when I am furious I get very quiet. Do I expect that from D*? Sure the hell do but I do not expect it from Blossom. She went along with “the crowd” (who at the time was one person) even though what D* said was just wrong. D* has said that word to me more than once and I allowed her to live. I didn’t raise my fist and beat her into the ground. I’m sure some would say that wouldn’t solve anything but trust me, they would think twice before saying something like that again. D* is just prejudice but Blossom seems to be more of a borderline bigot. She’s the careless, insensitive type that when you get offended starts really acting hurt that you feel offended when you “know I’m not prejudice.” But see, she’s the same person that made an Aunt Jamima joke one time then another time she said the hat I had on made me look like I should be out in a cotton field. When she said those things she gasped like, “Where did that come from?” She is a person that makes racial slurs without even thinking about how hurtful they are but I’m suppose to pat her back as she balls her eyes out apologizing for hurting me. Even if she “didn’t mean to hurt me” it doesn’t mean it no longer hurts because “she didn’t mean to.” If someone steps on your toe and then does the common “I am so sorry” does that take away the pain? No, your toe still throbs, the pain is still there and it’s real even though the toe was not targeted for a good smashing. Just because a person say’s I didn’t mean to IT DOES NOT MAKE THE PAIN GO AWAY.

I gotta take a breather here. Besides, I’m tired. I need to sleep.

Austin


The Borderline Bigot: Part 2 of 2

Published
by
Austin
on August 20, 2006
in Borderline Personality Disorder, Mental Health, Relationships, Segments and Soapbox
. 2 Comments

Last night when I was dead silent on the other end of the phone Blossom she said to D*, “she hung up on me.” Then I heard her start wailing. She then hung up the phone. I called right back and D* answered the phone with Blossom wailing in the background. Wailing is not an exaggeration. Remember the movie “The Greatest Story Every Told” where Mary is leaning over Jesus’ dead body crying and mourning the loss of her child? That is truly the kind of wailing that Blossom was doing last night. The girl cried so hard that both D* and I were taken aback. I think my response was supposed to be, “stop crying, I know you didn’t mean it this time or the two times you made some racial slur, everything is okay.” Well, I didn’t. I asked her why she was crying like that. She said it was because, “because I love you so much.” And that she never, ever wanted to hurt or offend me. At that point I heard her become a potential maniac or someone that would commit suicide because you told them you didn’t want to be friends anymore. I was shocked as hell that the n-word even came out of her mouth but I was just plain disturbed by her sobbing reaction to me being upset.

The conversation ended by me telling her that I needed to go. She said, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” That time I really did hang up first.

The level of anger and disappointment I feel right now has flamed right into self loathing. I am angry at myself because I should have told this bitch to leave me alone along time ago. Why don’t I? Because I’m lonely, that’s why. Is that an excuse? It’s the only one I have. So, the girl constantly reminds me of my faults, brings up the whole weight issue (hers, her daughters, her friends kids, etc.) nit picks about my cats THEN uses the n-word but lonely me hasn’t had enough yet. At this point I’ve offended myself because I haven’t told her to leave me alone. So I have a decision to make, will I keep letting her hurt me or will I stand up for myself and tell her to never come around here or call me again? Will I keep being offended and hurt or will I practice what I preach and realize my self worth and tell her to leave me alone?

I’m tired of her crying at the drop of a hat. She burned a cig hole in the floor on the restroom because for some reason she was smoking while taking a (insert that cat’s name) and dropped the cig on the floor. She came out of the restroom so upset. I was like, big deal Blossom. I don’t have a major issue with one barely noticeable mark. The way she was talking it was some gaping hole that the cats could fall through. What the hell were you smoking? Her reply was, “I was about to break into tears.” I knew then that a lot of her crying is manipulative and a source of distraction so that the perceived bad isn’t focused on but her lack of emotional control is.

Here is a side note: Slurs against any race, against men or women and racial jokes will get you banned from ever commenting on this journal again. As a matter of fact Wordpress has a place where we can put “blacklisted” words and email addresses. I have included all major racial slurs are on that list. Racial slurs to Black, White, Asian, Arab, Jewish and the like have all been blocked. So when people act stupid and use one of those words or any form of it the comment never makes it on the journal. It is immediately deleted. It doesn’t even go into the moderation box or the spam box. It is tossed in the trash where it belongs. It should be this easy in life, to just blacklist people and feel no sorrow or guilt about it.

Joan of Arc

Blossom The Borderline Bigot: Part 2 of 2 -Sunday, August 20th, 2006-1:43AM EST

I’m sorry but….

Published
by
Austin
on August 19, 2006
in General Chatter
. 5 Comments

I HATED THAT OTHER TEMPLATE.

I JUST HATED IT. I got so many complements on it that I felt bad about changing it but dang that was just ugly. I couldn’t take the ugliness any longer and I ….I trashed it, stomped on it and spit on it. I HATED IT. I think I made that clear though.I could not open my journal one more day and see the gray…well, ugliness anymore so it’s gone now. I can sigh with relief.

Joan