If I Had Three Wishes

If I had three wishes inspired by Beautiful Dreamer’s post-Friday, October 06, 2006-6:47PM EST

If I had three wishes I know right off what they’d be. Let me first start by saying I use to not know. I once wrote about how the show Three Wishes.

On that subject, I was watching Three Wishes the other day. Amy Grant gave an address to write to the show to ask for a wish. I didn’t know what to ask for. I could use my own home. I could use a car but on my income that is just not possible to keep them up. The other thing is this, what I need is not tangible. What I need you can’t televise. I need to not go to bed worrying about what I’m going to dream. I need to not be triggered when this man calls me Princess. I want to feel comfortable with people. I don’t want to duck and run so that he doesn’t see the broken sides of me. How will Amy Grant ever fill that wish? How will I ever find a way to these things while there is still life left in me?

I feel differently about this subject I wrote about almost a year ago to date. I know what I’d ask for. This must sound so odd but the one thing I’d ask for is a Section 8 certificate. I’d ask for good low income housing period. Actually, that’s not all. I want a dishwasher and washer and dryer inside the apartment. I want a garbage disposal and one of those spray nozzles at the sink so I don’t have to scrub lasagna pans and what not. I want carpeting and bathtub. So, on my reasonable front I’d ask for that but if you want to know what I’d like to ask for on a fantasy level here’s my list:

1. I’d like for Captain to live forever
2. I’d like to have my dream home

When I was a kid my mother use to say to me, “What would you do with a million dollars?” I use to be so irritated by that because I thought; I don’t have a million dollars so the question is just stupid. I was always taught that fantasy is immoral. I linked fantasy to sexual fantasies so I’ve never even sat and day dreamed about a great vacation or a wonderful paradise where everyone was and productive and healthy, teaching, learning, visiting and all that stuff. I just never could get past the whole “fantasy is sexual” thing the mother taught me. When the therapist told me to imagine myself in a safe place there was fear in my heart. I couldn’t get past the word imagine cause there was that hang up. So for me to actually sit down and draw a fantasy house is a huge step. I’m still not one for fantasies and things like that but I went ahead and did this because I knew it meant growth. I actually enjoyed drawing the house by hand despite hearing my mother’s voice. The good thing is, her voice was crowded out by smiles and the sound of my eraser going back and forth so I could work the schematics around the middle garden with the tree.

I can see my issues all around that house too. The master restroom is in two parts 1) the bathing area 2) the toilet bowl. I hate the two in the same room so if I ever build a house they will not be in the same room. From the master bedroom, the library and the art room you can see into the middle garden. You can’t see into that area from any other way but those windows and you can’t get in from any entry other than the library and the master bedroom. The master bedroom isn’t that large because it’s not like I’m actually going to sleep in it. The restroom is significant because I love bathes and I have to be able to have room for my claw foot tub. The guest room is on the other side of my room and they have their own restroom because there is no way in hell that if I made my own home I’d have to share my restroom with anyone at all. That’s where my biggest OCD issues are so no restroom sharing. There are only two bedrooms because for me home is a place to get away from the world not to invite them in and spend weeks with them in my private space. I can house a guest for a bit but to load up on house guests will never happen. Having only one spot for them lets me say, “Oh, I’m sorry there just isn’t enough room.” But see, if a friend of mine needs a place to go I can spend part of that million dollars I won in a grocery store drawing to get them their own place. So see, I still get to keep my house all to myself. I guess the other thing I noticed about the house is that even the guest area has its privacy. They have their own garden that they can access from their room. There is also a garden off the formal dining room where I can serve coffee after dinner. I usually eat alone and I don’t mind that but occasionally if I had a dinner guest I’d go out and have coffee on in the back garden. Blossom and I always have coffee after dinner even when that dinner is something simple.

So, this is my dream home. It’s not too big, not too small, has the things I want most in there…dang it I forgot the laundry room! Okay, somewhere in there I’d have to put a laundry room. But, this is it, nothing spectacular, just a one story home in a quiet neighborhood where a tree grows right out of the middle garden.