For The Therapist: Slave To Dreams

Grandmothers house, empty car port.

In mvie theater. The movie showed on the screen but it was words only, no pictures. (opposite of what has been happening lately. I can’t seem to say words I can see the picture but can’t get the words out) the mother was in the seat next to me sleeping. The person next to me family member was picking with her while she slept. Never a good idea. The mother woke and said she had to use the restroom but that it felt good to hold it. She stood up to hold it and I began pushing her to the restroom. We finally got there and the line was long yet all the stalls were unoccupied. Every one of the toilets was gross, restroom tissue, crap, pee, all of them filled to the rim. Some of them had it on the sets and what not. it seemed each stall we went to got worse. then stall #8 had something even more strange. A kitten was sitting on the toilet seat climbing out of the bowl. He wasn’t wet or dirty or anything. He was scared to death though. When he realized he’d been seen he climbed out and stayed close to the wall, low and tried to run from the restroom. As he did the door opened and a lady came in with a toddler in her hand and an empty infant carrier. The cat climbed into the carrier and turned into a baby. Next thing you know the baby is tossed into the dirty toilet in stall #8. the baby was a new born, like hours old, very quiet too.

I took him and cleaned him off and went up to the popcorn stand to tell them I found a new born. The lady said she’d call child services but they were most likely closed until Monday morning. I decided to take the baby home with me until then. I remember thinking I wanted to keep the baby but it would be hell trying to get a birth certificate for him and legalize his adoption. It was time to feed the baby but somehow instead of a bottle he ended up inside a bag of milk. I asked a girl (?) if the baby could breathe in there and she said probably not so I opened the bag and wiped him off and began to burp him. I was walking around with him, he was still quiet. Then he moved a bit oddly in my arms. Someone was making a heck of a lot of noise and the newborn told them to shut up. Of course this was odd but what happened next was even more strange. I said to the baby, are you a demon. He said yes then proceeded to put his thumb in my right eye and try to blind me. I woke up. The babies body was normal proportions but his arms and legs were spaghetti sticks, literally spaghetti strips but dry not cooked. The proportions were equal but the baby was about 10 inches tops. The baby was maybe ½ pound. By the end of the dream he was a regular size baby.

Oct 24^th 2006

I’m in the old school hallway and I can’t find my locker. The school is closing for the year and they’re giving out food. I’m walking along the hallway with a black kitten in my hands but the kitten turns into a baby doll. I put the doll on the floor and try to remember the combination to my locker. A girl says I’m irresponsible for putting a baby on the floor but I told her it was a doll. She was still angry.

I’m traveling around the country by car looking for someone (???) but at every rest stop is a shop selling porcelain dolls. Some are expensive and others are about $1.00.

I keep dreaming about dolls becoming cats or visa versa. I keep dreaming about cats multiplying but some are malformed. Some don’t have eyes or legs, some are just a head and there are tons of them all over the grass and the hill in front of the house in the 4^th grade. It is always night time in dreams like that, always a filthy restroom, always someone to run from. The mother keeps the doors locked and looks out the windows suspiciously. She says someone is watching us and is coming for us. Sometimes in the dreams she is clothed and other times she is not…always the 4^th grade house. This was the only house we lived in that was clean but it was also the house with a field in the back that I crossed in order to sit on the railroad tracks so it could run over me. 4^th grade is a pivotal year. I started therapy then too, been in it ever since mostly on and off but mostly on clear up into high school.

Common theme:

• Movie theater
• Mutilated or malformed cats
• Paranoid mother or sleeping mother
• Grandmother’s house, empty carport

New or Newer:

• Cats turning into babies and visa versa (meaning of cats in dreams)
• Black porcelain dolls which I currently collect. (very small collection, about 15 ranging from about decent price to dirt cheap at $1.00) Wasn’t allowed to play with dolls when I was a kid.

I’m sick of being a slave to the dreams. Good gracious Dr. B.

See ya Thursday. I took a little vacation last week end from working on stuff. I had a good week end in general. I can’t complain about that at all. It was pretty nice. I’ve eaten a few times this week and I’ve done better with meds. Kept the curtains open, went outside a few times with Cap, talked on the phone a bit and other stuff. I’ve kept up with ADL’s. Sometimes I feel good other times I don’t. I’m up and down. When I’m up I’m up when I’m down dang am I down. I have a better support system than before so I suppose it makes the hard times easier to handle. It use to just be me out here hanging alone but thats not so true anymore.

Me

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