The People Behind My Eyes

created for JAGA
I keep doing art pieces to keep myself busy. One might say I’m punching stuff out left and right and fast but hey, it keeps me from doing stuff I won’t regret later …but that are considered negative behaviors.

the biscuits and sausage gravy for dinner tonight was downright nasty. I should have just had a donut. I’m still pissed about the cab not coming today. My goodness I was such the girl when she told me no one was coming. I think I produced more snot in five minutes than any baby ever could. Lord, it was pitiful. The poor woman on the other end of the line said, “It’ll be okay.” I was like, “the hell it will.” Of course it took me a bit to get that out because I was gasping for breath, doing that emphysema gasp, trying to talk and sob at the same time. So, after my snot production session I talked to three supervisors about how crazy this is getting. So not only could I not get a ride home I started not being able to get to therapy.

I wondered if I should go ahead and change therapists because of his availability and because of the increasing difficulty with getting there. Then I kinda thought to myself, I can see a meteocher (sp) therapist 4 times a month or a good therapist 3 times a month with some stress about getting there. So-So care or good care hit and miss are my two choices here. I’m going for the hit and miss because at least with the hit and miss I can pick up valuable information. So, I’m staying with Dr. B. Part of me thinks I’m trying to convince myself to leave to sabotage this good thing I’ve got going here. I like this guy. I think he’ll be able to help and part of that is frightening. It means I have to really, really look at shit when in all honesty I’m scared to death to do it. So, I have to remember not to toss this good thing out of the window on a whim or because of sabotage and fear. I gotta ride this one out.

Austin