Monthly Archive for November, 2006

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What Your Shoes Say To Me

Published on November 26, 2006 in For the Record. 4 Comments

What Your Shoes Say To Me
Sunday, November 26, 2006-7:57AM EST

 

It’s been a nice week end with Blossom. We’ve talked about everything under the sun. I think yesterday we talked about everything from Biblical history to heart surgery, to a woman’s thought process right into the subject of shoes and what they reveal to me about the person wearing them.

The first two things I notice about people are hair and shoes followed by clothing. Those few things tell me a lot about a person and how they feel about themselves as well as a bit about their view of the world. I know what you’re thinking, how does fashion play into general views. Let me explain.

I believe that fashion is a very personal thing. Not necessarily what we wear but how we wear it reflects the inner self. A tucked in shirt gives off a different message than a shirt that hangs. Baggy pants and long sleeve shirts give off a different message than painted on jeans and a revealing shirt. A super long skirt as opposed to a normal cut, a solid colour shirt as opposed to one with a logo, stripes, flowers, animals or cartoon characters all give off a totally different message to me. Those are the things you can see outright but what really lets me know more about a person is their socks. Socks? Yup, socks.

Socks are something underneath, usually “hidden” beneath pant legs and covered by shoes. For me, careful attention to something usually not seen or seen very little means the person attention to details, even the ones most might overlook. My biggest pet peeve for shoes and socks is white socks and black dress shoes. White socks and black shoes only look right on David Letterman. A nice pair of socks that match the “outfit” and the shoes says a lot to me about the person. In certain situations I want those socks to talk to me! Tell me you pay attention to details, you don’t cut corners; you care about the smaller unseen things about yourself.

When it comes to hanging out with friends or general attraction to another person their shoes can tell me a lot about them. Blossom says she wants to see very clean tennis shoes with sturdy, unscuffed soles. I personally want to see them broken in, warn and comfortable looking. A nice broken in pair of tennis shoes says to me the person knows how to relax and doesn’t avoid mud puddles at all costs, isn’t so uptight that getting a drop of dirt on their shoes would ruin their stuffy day. Broken in tennis shoes show character, shows the person knows how to relax and let their hair down. That’s what it says to me. Blossom feels a nice pair of well kept tennis shoes means the person appreciates the value of the object and wants to look their best even when relaxing.

It is simple conversations like this that I enjoy most. Yes, we talked about Stalin’s terror, about the Moabites and about angioplasty but the conversation I enjoyed the most was about shoes and socks. To me, those two items say a lot about a person. Two people can look at the same object and draw a completely different conclusion. I find that fascinating.

 

Austin

(a broken in tennis shoes w/ white socks, baseball cap kinda girl)

My reply to Silvery Lizard

Published on November 26, 2006 in For the Record. 1 Comment

Three little known racism facts:

  • Racism is the leading cause of death by stupidity. Being stupid and a bigot kills.
  • Heavy racist smokers fill more bar stools in the Stupid Man’s Saloon than any other smokin’ drinkin’ idiot. Please don’t let your friends drive and racially divide.
  • 99.666 percent of racist marriages end in divorce. Hatred is the other man/woman and soon jealousy sets in destroying your hate filled union. Do not go to bed an angry racist it’ll ruin your marriage.

Nope, we didn’t feel targeted at all. I know there have been a lot of white bashing posts going around. As I said in my comment concerning the posts I wrote about holidays, while writing them not once did I think of race. I never thought of red and white. I thought of a celebration built on misrepresentation and of people willing to ignore repeated requests not to send holiday cards. However, I’m sure that since race is such a volatile subject that entry could have also been considered racially charged. I’m pleased to know that you saw the post for what it said and not what it might have meant. The posts were about holidays, untruths and boundaries, not race. When I read that you understood that I was quite relieved. It kind of spun my head around when it occurred to me that maybe someone could have seen it as a racially charged post therefore making my post guilty by association. Not all anti-thanksgiving posts are racially charged but it is very possible that since many are mine could have somehow been seen that way. Yikes. So far no one has said it sounded that way but it just popped into my head that it could have sounded that way.

As you said in your entry, there are many times that people are guilty by association (crime, race, what have you). Race is one of those topics that easily gets out of hand. Most people aren’t willing to address it socially because of its high potential to end friendships. Talking about race is like walking on a frozen lake with a friend. Both are talking to each other like reasonable adults when one wrong move is made and the whole scene changes. You hear that infamous slow rolling crack. It creeps across the pond at first but then quickens its pace. The next thing you know you’ve been sucked into icy water and your friend is not willing to throw you a buoy. It’s a hard subject and one I try my best not to address on this journal simply because of its destructive tendencies. Sometimes it comes up but for the most part I leave that subject alone.

I’m happy we have an understanding of the purpose of your posts and of mine. You are welcome to email me, that’s not a problem.

Smiles to you and yours,
Austin’s August

Winter Plans

Published on November 24, 2006 in For the Record. 5 Comments

Winter Plans
Friday, November 24, 2006-11:42AM EST

I, like many others, react to the lack of sun during the winter months. They call this wonderful time seasonal depression, I call it a frikin season to cry, moan and long for the sun to come back. Sun come back please show your face! Well, this year I have a plan. I’ve been stocking up on books and cheap DVD’s so that when the coldest days hit I won’t sit here at home with nothing at all to do. I don’t go on book marathons and read a book a day. I take my time because I’m not trying to set some kind of record so I can jump on the net and say, Oh I devoured 6 books last night but I can’t tell you nare a word of them. Anyway, this winter has one major difference from past winters. I’ll have full use of the fireplace with an abundant supply of fire wood and and overflow of books and DVD’s. Goodwill has DVD’s on sale for about $3.00 each so I’ve been picking them up during the half price tag days. Gotta love a good sale, especially when it involves the wonder Latin lover Antonio Banderas with his beautiful brownness or chocolate hunka hunka burnin’ love Mr. Denzel Washington. Then of course we have to toss in a bit more Latin love with the Latin American born Joaquin Phoenix or Sir Scottish Sensation Shaun Connery. Cheap movies bringing sexy guys, you can’t do better than that. So, I’ve stocked up. Heck, I even got a few movies with the Gladiator himself in it for $1.50. Goodwill, always doing right by the common man woman. The man who made bald sexy, Jon Luc Picard, even finds himself among the movies I picked up.

So here is a short list of only some my cheap thrills:

Master and Commander -New Zealand born Australian raised, Russell Crowe gets wet
Bone Collectors -Milk does a body good, milk did you right Denzel
Once Upon A Time In Mexico -Latin Lover Antonio and Johnny Depp. Oh Johnny!
Panic Room -Love me some Jody Foster
Godsend-Rebecca Romijn-Stamos stars with Greg Kinnear and Robert De Niro clone a child
Darkness Falls corny thriller about a murderous tooth fairy
Enough -Jay Lo kickin’ butt is always nice to see

Here is a short list of some of the recently purchased books for only 69 cents at the wonderful second hand store:

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden -paper back, original version of 1997 before it hit the big screen
The Color Purple - A must have for any half way decent collection of books
Great Expectations hard bound -I bought this because it’s a classic and it has both endings included
Cold by John Smolens – New to me, I’ve never read it.
The Night Spider by John Lutz- New to me, I’ve never read it
High Crimes (also a movie) by Joseph Finder- “”
If Tomorrow Comes by Sidney Sheldon – “”
The Program by Gregg Hurwitz- “”
The Kill Clause by Gregg Hurwitz – “”

Even though I’ve already read the book The Alienist by Caleb Carr I went ahead and picked it up again. The book and I have a little bit of history. I read it sitting in a steam bath apartment in Bowling Green, Kentucky where I had no TV, no phone and no car. That book kept me sane for about 2 days when Kentucky outdid hell fires heat factor. It was also directly after leaving my ex-husband so ya know, it was kind of a crazy sick sentimental type purchase. My goodness it was hot that year. I’d just moved in and had nothing to do. I can’t even remember how I got the book but I read it between cold showers and liked it. The author has serious issues so I haven’t read anything else of his. Well, that’s not true. He has another book called The Angel of Darkness but I only read about three chapters of it before high tailing it back to Barns and Noble to return it with the explanation that Caleb seems to be infatuated with the idea of killing “boy whores.” The cashier agreed that Mr. Carr is whacked and gladly returned my $8 and change. The man is a sick something-something but since The Alienist and I have history I went ahead and added it to my library. So between a heck of a lot of books and DVD’s listed and unlisted plus a fire place, a good recliner and some Natural Light bulbs I plan to make it through this winter without the blues snuffing out my joy, however small that joy is winter can’t have it. No snow is gonna freeze my joy I mean to tell ya, not with my boys Antonio and Brown Sugar Denzel to keep me warm. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow.

December 2nd Goodwill will have another half off day store-wide so I don’t have to pick and choose from the color of the week discount on books or DVD’s. Books that normally cost 69 cents will be half off. I’ll be savin’ my pennies for December 2nd the Bookworm’s Holiday.

Austin

The Human Experience

Published on November 24, 2006 in Soapbox. 3 Comments

The Human Experience
Friday, November 24, 2006- 5:00 AM EST

 

Vodka Musings - a YouTube video clip. (The creator of this clip has chosen to remove it from YouTube so this link no longer works)

I like what this woman has to say. Her video is about 12 minutes long and talks about this whole Kramer situation being the number one topic during a very hostile time in the country. She discusses her background and experiences with poverty, homelessness, a mother with Paranoid Schizophrenia and about the misguided direction the world goes in when it comes to race and gender standards. This is a good video. I’d love to talk to this lady.

Some of what she says I’ve thought but not said or written. There are times when I watch TV and think, man had they said that about another group of people that comment would have gotten them in a lot of trouble. The TV we watch, especially comedy shows like Jay Leno, David Letterman and other late night TV shows really set the tone for common views on race, gender standards, views on crime and issues that should be taken seriously. I believe that only here would it be okay for someone to write a book about a crime they committed, got acquitted for then goes to write a book about if they did it this is how they would have done it. Only here in this country would they get any air time at all to slap victims in the face then have those same faces slapped by late night comedians who joke about such horrible acts. It was not bad judgment on the part of the FOX network, it was a true reflection of their values, money before morality.

What we watch on TV, the jokes we listen to and laugh at can slowly change our once solid standards and clear social views. A gradually dulled sense of right and wrong can lead us to out right violent (verbal or physical) acts. It always starts out gradually. With each joke that goes by about OJ, with each joke that goes by about female teachers assaulting male students or even jokes about global warming we tenderize our conscience and when there is a true assault we don’t feel the blow the way we would have had our true fiber and strength of conscience not been softened up (tenderized) by inappropriate commentary. Subtle intrusions can make the biggest impact on our behavior and then we shock ourselves when we fly off the handle and say this or that about this person or that person. We say or think stuff we never thought we could and ask, “Where did that come from?” It comes from the everyday subtleties that tell us who we are and who the next person is. Where did that come from? It comes from those jokes in the coffee room with a racial tone or with a sexist tone. Where did that come from? It comes from news programs that insist upon showing one sided viewpoints on emotionally charged situations then end offering no solutions just doubt and fear with a second helping the next news segment around. Sometimes the things we see on TV or hear on the radio are subtle but other times they’re right out in the open mixing words some of us would never dream of putting together.

In this day an age it is okay to exercise free speech even when it’s just filth and pointless. It is your right to be stupid and the constitution will never change that basic moronic right. In addition to more “free speech” are freer speech topics. There was a time not to so long ago that talking about abuse at all was unheard of. Now, we joke about it. Where is the balance and will we as human beings ever be able to know when to talk seriously and when to simply “not go there?”

One form of speech lets the world know that women, children, men, the elderly, the handicapped and all other groups of people will not stand for ill treatment. We have entire organizations for such advocacies. The hard work they do is sometimes muted by those who would actually have the nerve to joke about something 1 out of ever 3 girls and 1 out of every 6 boys has experienced before the age of 18. For some reason we forget their faces and we forget their tears and the impact their healing or not healing has on our society. To laugh simply allows you one more tenderizing blow and one more reason for children not to tell. When your children see you laugh about these things you send a message that it’s something to be mocked. Who wants to be mocked? If they are ever part of the ever changing statistics what are the chances they’ll tell and take the chance of being the butt of a joke? Kids may not be aware that there is help out there. They might go as far as to believe that somehow Jay Leno will find out and plaster his face all over TV and everyone will know. God forbid anyone would grant this sort of “keep my child silent” approval knowingly. But that is what is done when you laugh at domestic abuse, sexual abuse, emotional abuse and other forms of destructive behaviors.

The next time you laugh make sure it’s something funny not something having to do with the millions of abused children each year. The next time you decide its okay to use a racial slur of any kind think about the lasting effects it has on people and the hurt it brings to every single solitary race in the world. Keep your hands to yourself. Keep your hate to yourself.

Austin

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Boundaries and Mixed Messages Part 2 of 2

Published on November 23, 2006 in Mental Health, Relationships and Segments. 2 Comments

Boundaries and Mixed Messages Part 2 of 2

Mixed Messages
Thursday, November 23, 2006-6:45AM EST

I received an interesting reply from one of the 5 recipients of the heads up emails I sent out concerning Destiny’s second entry about sending us holiday cards. She said that maybe the person didn’t even know the entry was there but she also said that maybe the person was trying to in effect use old coping skills in situations where it wasn’t warranted. Let me explain- JAGA brought up the fact that often people send mixed messages and the other person is supposed to try and figure out what they really mean. She also said that abuse survivors try and decipher simply stated things because that is what was expected when they were being abused. I like that she brought that up because it gives me a chance to kind of go over that type of communication.

She said that sometimes a person will be adamant about a subject and the listener is suppose to somehow know that they mean the exact opposite. Don’t ‘cha hate that? When you’re suppose to read someone’s mind and just know how they feel about this or that then act in such a way so that you come through for them emotionally? What JAGA said about this type of communication is true; we get it from being an abuse survivor. We tried back then to figure out what the other person really wanted so as to be seen as a “good girl” or “good boy.” We just wanted to somehow not be a disappointment, somehow not be the reason for someone feeling let down or left out. We know those emotional reactions very well so we try and avoid being what we think is the cause of that reaction in others. We use old coping skills (trying to decipher meaning) in new situations (where no coded words were stated). Or we use old coping skills (send mixed messages) and expect others to read between the lines and figure out what we really want them to do. I understand that. I do it myself still only what I do is go in the totally opposite direction by being so specific and usually so careful with wording so as not to make the person wonder what I meant. I take it to the extreme on the other end for the same result. So I don’t disappoint, so I don’t fall short and feel like a “bad girl.”

When I was younger and my mother went off on a tirade what I did to try and get to the bottom of it, what I did to try and figure out what she really wanted was to sift through the cursing, wipe the spit off my face, toss out empty chatter and save only what I thought was vital for the moment. This way I could figure out exactly what she wanted from me. But I could only do this by tossing out cursing and other verbal assaults. It’s like rummaging through the garbage can to find a bill you need to pay that you never owed in the first place. It’s all covered in slime but you sift through to find that bill because finding it and paying it could mean safety for the moment. That is how it felt when I tried to toss out all the crap the mother was saying in order to find the true meaning and figure out what she really wanted me to do. I did that to survive the same way others tried to decode what their abuser said. Sometimes the person speaking isn’t an abuser at all, just someone who was never taught how to communicate. It doesn’t take an abuser to flub up communication and you don’t have to be some idiot or an under educated person to send out mixed messages. This stuff happens all the time but when growing up with abuse that sort of communication is more like your first language, a mother tongue that you can’t quite master.

When it comes to mixed messages there is no greater time to send them all nicely wrapped in confusion and topped with self doubt than the grand ol holidays. JAGA said that people say don’t send me a birthday card or a Christmas present when what they really might mean is that they want one. If you send one then you take the chance of pissing them off but if you don’t send one then you take the chance of disappointing them because you didn’t correctly read their mind. I wonder if sometimes people say don’t send me this or that this holiday as sort of a way to manage any disappointment that may come their way. Like say, if they don’t get a present or a card then they don’t really have a reason to be disappointed because they already told people not to send anything. It’s damage control for them but a mixed message for others. You can send a card or a gift and I’ll be thrilled but if you don’t I’ve already said publicly that I don’t want anything so if you fail to decipher my message I won’t be so hurt because I already told you to count me out. I won’t feel so alone and abandoned because I’ve set up a safety net for myself through this mixed message I sent out. Now please meet my needs accurately.

Trust me, I understand that reasoning but I also think that Destiny was quite clear, overly so, when she said not to send anything. I’m not saying you should be a closet Christmas celebrator. I’m saying don’t mail me anything; don’t ask me to celebrate with you. … Hey, it’s your holiday. It’s your holiday based on giving so is it beyond reasonable to request that I be given the courtesy of distance? …. A day of nation wide gluttony and increased drunk driving isn’t something I’m willing to raise my fork to…Being polite has gotten me nowhere so sometimes I have to be offensively truthful. I didn’t think there was a way to misinterpret what she said but maybe I’m wrong. There was clear disdain for the holidays and behaviors that go on during those holidays. I wish she had made it a bit clearer that it’s the holidays she disagrees with and that she doesn’t find people who celebrate them to be horrible or distasteful. Her main point was the holidays are based on untruths. I figured she was bluntly, forcefully, offensively clear about that but maybe I read a different post by our favorite painfully blunt alter. She is the only one who would go as far as to say I promise NOT to send you an e-card with crashed cars and crying families, dead Indians and their crying children stuffed on plantations. I promise not to call you and wish you a happy day upon land stolen if you promise not to tell me to have a happy holiday cause I will bring up the true origins and it will not be pretty. Somehow that turkey will not taste so good. There is no way to misinterpret that kind of raving madness. What she said was right but how she said it was just straight up like a raving maniac but even a maniac can make herself clear and I think Destiny did. No mixed messages in that post.

The point of fury for Destiny’s second entry was that the person who sent the e-card not only read the first entry but left a comment then sent me an e-card anyway. The point of this entry here is to say that while we understand that sometimes people say one thing but mean another we did not do that when writing the original holiday entry. We do understand that type of communication because we had to use it to survive the monster. We understand that we at times are guilty of wanting to word things in such a manner that nothing more than what we mean can be taken from what we said. It’s the opposite extreme isn’t it? In order for others to not have to decipher, in order for me to be able to come back and say, nope that’s not what I said I said this that and the other, I’ll word things in such a manner that it would be easier to read between the lines of Chinese than read between the lines of what I’ve said. I go so far in the opposite direction to avoid being a disappointment or making someone feel hurt or making them wonder what I really meant. Sometimes my head goes bonkers trying to word things just so in order to not be taken wrong, to not offend, to not leave any questions as to what I meant. Surviving abuse is a complicated thing isn’t it? We try so dang hard to win this time around. We try so hard to do things right so that somehow we can be relieved of the filthy burden and title “bad girl.” And then there are times we go out of our way to offend and bring scorn to ourselves so we don’t have to sit back and wait for someone else to surprise us with disappointment followed by abandonment. This may be what the person was doing but I do not intend to try and decode her behavior any further.

Joan of Arc for Morton’s Pride

Link to Part 1 of this segment

Boundaries and Mixed Messages Part 1 of 2

Published on November 23, 2006 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Mental Health, Relationships and Segments. 0 Comments

Boundaries and Mixed Messages Part 1 of 2
Boundaries Crossed Thursday, November 23, 2006-5:21AM EST

I’m going to try and make this a shorter entry so as not to drag this whole thing out. I’ve been given some new thoughts on why this person may have sent me a card despite what I thought Destiny was clear about. But first I need to say that I won’t take Destiny’s entries down. She is third protector and even though I out rank her I will not take down an entry she wrote expressing her thoughts on holidays then expressing her hurt over someone purposely crossing her boundaries therefore crossing the boundaries of everyone in Morton’s Pride. What I will do is address what a friend of mine brought up about why this person decided to send a card regardless of what I thought was a clear and to the point entry. In order to keep this short(er) I’ll do this in two entries- one about communication and the other about understanding the intensions of the person who sent the e-card.

Would I have worded Destiny’s entry on holidays differently, without a doubt. If I celebrated holidays would I have been offended by some of what she said? Without a doubt I would have been but I believe the underlying message was don’t send us anything. It’s been years that we’ve been telling people not to send us cards and I think this year Destiny simply wanted to make it clear instead of swallowing her anger and sending no reply at all to the cards that come flowing in our inbox. Yes, Destiny signed her name to it and she worded it in such a way that not all of Morton’s Pride would have but the basic message is something we all would have wanted to convey. Please don’t send us anything, that was basically her message.

In a damage control type way I sent out private email to 5 different people letting them know that the second entry Destiny wrote had nothing at all to do with them and that they had not offended her in anyway. Perhaps that was my way of saying, please don’t send us something knowing it’ll be offensive because getting slapped in the face again will be too dang on much to take. I pretty much begged dont send us anything because we don’t want to ever think you’d purposely offend anyone. It’s about trust issues. It’s about saying, please don’t tell me I was wrong to think we were friends only to have you turn around and purposely offend me when I’ve made it clear how I feel. Those 5 emails I sent out were a true reflection of how hard it is to trust and how foolish one can feel for trusting, for becoming comfortable just to get slapped and be told to enjoy it. Also, those emails were a cut and paste thing so everyone got the same email. We wanted them to know that they hadn’t done anything at all to us and we wanted them to not have any questions at all as to if our anger is directed towards them because maybe an auto generated card got sent to us by mistake. Sometimes people have them auto generated. The Thanksgiving e-card we got was not auto generated. With that said, let me begin.

There was a lot of detail that I did not include in this entry and that Destiny did not include in her second entry about why we are simply not willing to see this as a miscommunication and why it was we were so offended by that particular person sending the e-card. I figured I’d leave her personal stuff off the journal but it seems doing so left open doubt that the person actually meant to offend me. She did. She succeeded too. This person read the original entry and left a comment so it’s not like she didn’t actually see the entry. She did, she saw it and commented even saying that when she tells people to have a good holiday its in the same tone as when she says have a good day and the same empty meaning as when people ask “how are you.” So, I’m saying that after reading the post then commenting followed by sending me a card is just inexcusable. I do not even know this person in my 3-D life but what I do know is that she keeps telling me we have a superficial friendship like the superficial relationships she says she has with most people. So, see it’s not so horrible when I say I’m done because clearly we didn’t have anything deep in the first place. I was just a superficial friend anyway so purposely offending me didn’t mean jack squat to her. So I hope that clears up the fact that there was not any miscommunication on her part when sending me an e-card.

Lastly, I removed that person’s name from her comment because other people that comment have that same name and I didn’t want there to be any confusion about which one it was. I don’t want someone out there going, was it this one or that one they have the same name. So, I did remove the person’s name to avoid mix up. I have three different people by that name who comment on this journal but trust me, this person is very well aware of the offensive nature. The hurt is that it was purposeful, that is what really hurts. It was purposeful. Is the hurt about the holidays? No, it’s not. Had I said, please don’t send me anything with a turtle on it and here’s why and then you sent me something with a turtle on it I’d be just as offended. If I said I don’t like the colour red (which I do. I love that colour) and then explained why but you mailed me a red shirt and told me I’d look good in it and to enjoy it I’d be just as offended as I am about the card. The main issue is boundaries and trying your damndest to offend leaving me to try and figure out what the real purpose of sending that card was.

Joan of Arc for Morton’s Pride

This Isn’t Gonna Work

Published on November 22, 2006 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Relationships and Soapbox. 2 Comments

I did not realize I would actually get an e-card. I figured that the half-way restrained way I wrote that other post would make it clear that sending me an e-card for the holidays would not go over well. I explained why. I was pretty clear so I figured my email box wouldn’t have something come in with a great big happy TG on it. I was wrong, there are people who are willing to be so purposely offensive that they would read that entry, let me know they read the entry then send me a card anyway. So, listen up all you fuck heads who strive to offend. (If you are not going to send me a card then you’re not a fuck head so this does not apply to you. Feel free to skip to the next entry with fewer colourful words. I should probably say that people who celebrate this holiday ARE NOT fuck heads, just the people who think it’s okay to be purposely offensive and smile while doing it.)

I was not joking. Do NOT send me greeting cards for Thanksgiving or any other holiday. I’ve already had to send out one nasty email just as I said I would. People, give me a fuckin break and don’t send me a greeting card for the holidays. Is that really so damn hard to ask for? I mean really? If I say I don’t want it then why go through all the damn trouble to read the entry then send a card any damn way? What kinda shit is that? OMG! So please, if you decide that you must send a greeting card know for sure that it would be best not to contact me again. I’m telling you, when someone says this disgusts me and says why, even if you don’t agree with it why force yourself on them? It’s kinda like saying, I don’t care how you feel about this or that I’m going to do what I want to do anyway. Guess what? That doesn’t fly with me. If you insist upon sending me a card and tell me to enjoy it then please be prepared to not contact me again. I mean come on, that means the issue is bigger than the card right? It means that you will do what you want to do even if the other person is offended by it, offended by it big time! It doesn’t make any sense to me why someone would send me a card I said not to send then fucking tell me to enjoy the card as if somehow I would actually enjoy the card. I’m confused, baffled. How are you just gonna send me a fucking card knowing full well that I asked you not to? It’s just down right crazy. Who the fuck does that? Oh my God I am livid. Who does that? It’s not funny. It’s not funny at all.

If you wanna fuckin make somebody mad go and put on a size 13 steel toe shoe and step all over their toes and smile, tell them to enjoy! What the fuck is wrong with people? I thought for sure this time I’d get my damn message across not to fucking send me anything but there always has to be some asshole to push matters. And ya wonder why I was so forceful about it in that entry, well that’s why, because nice doesn’t fuckin cut it.

Yeah, I’m offended big time that anyone would send me a card after writing that entry but what really gets me is that it’s a simple thing. It’s a simple thing that if you just can’t do means you yourself have some real fuckin issues. My feelings on the matter don’t count. The fact that you now feel better that you’ve sent me a card is what matters. So, I really hope you’ve enjoyed yourself. Again, the issue is bigger than the card; the issue is that I requested that people not send me something telling me to enjoy a day that I find loathsome yet you purposely offended me and told me to enjoy it. That is why I say if you want to send one don’t write to me again. Don’t purposely offend me then tell me to enjoy it. Those are some big ass cohunes’ I do mean to tell you.

Destiny, livid for a valid reason