Four flowers standing, one flower trying.
If you asked me yesterday what I felt about the world I would have told you “I’ve driven them away.” I felt so lonely yesterday, so isolated. Thankfully that feeling isn’t a daily thing anymore. Loneliness use to rip through me and mangle my heart, rendering it beatless. I use to suffer with loneliness so much that I contemplated suicide.
Many things have changed for me. I have a much larger support system, 3D and cyber support. How I view myself from day to day has changed for the better. There are still days when I think because of some inherent badness I’ve caused bad things to happen to me and I drive people away. There are days when I feel isolated and wonder what I did or said to drive people away. How do I change it when I don’t even know what I’m doing? I ask myself these questions less and less. But more often than not I look at myself and say, “I’m not so bad.” It took time and support to meet before my real healing began. I had the time to heal but I didn’t really have the support or encouragement. The two together has made a big difference.
Austin’s August
Loneliness…alone…isolated… a multiples worst nightmare, terrible stuff.We understand your feelings about these things
keepers
Austin: I read the x-ray post from Joan of Arc and just cracked up. But, I wanted to comment on this post because I’ve been dealing with “feeling the feelings” of isolation and loneliness on my own and with my T a lot lately. I even had a dream recently that had some old “lonely” theme song playing in the background and I woke up just feeling wretched! Good grief!
I’ve been working on how my parents kept me and my twin isolated from each other. We were allowed no comfort in our torture, no sharing, no reaching out, no compassion.
Then, in line with what I call my “fucked up synchroncity,” I had someone come and attack me on my blog and then say the cruelest, most hateful things to me via e-mail. But, I decided that there’s been way more good than bad in my blogging experience and I have a lot of things to be thankful for–especially insightful, human, people speaking their truth like you.
So, I decided to pull my head out of my dissociated butt and get caught up on a lot of things that I’ve been behind on for months. The blog carnival is hitting the road again, for one thing. You came and commented with a very good idea about the carnival like months ago and I was too wigged out to follow up. I’m sorry about that. I hope you haven’t given up on me and you’ll visit my blog again.
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Give up on you? No way! I had to stop visiting blogs awhile back because of issues of my own. When readers pull back from reading possibly triggering blogs it’s because they know its best for them to do so. Never does it have to do with the blog but the reader, at least in many cases its that way. I feel really bad when I don’t come to certain blogs for a bit but when I don’t its because I know I can’t handle what “might” be talked about. I tell people all the time, if you aren’t in the right space then don’t come to Sundrip Journals because you never know what’s going to be posted. I might decide to talk about my x-ray experience or some gibberish about my drunken neighbor or I could talk in depth about abuse issues and how they effect me today. A reader never knows what they’ll get on my blogs so I always suggest that the reader be in the right space when clicking my link. Other times when I don’t show up on a blog its because I forgot or one of me is out that isn’t familiar with a certain blog so they will read but not comment. Sometimes stats will show that I’ve been to a blog but if there’s no comment left it most likely means that it wasn’t one of us that knows the blogger like me or Austin so they don’t feel comfortable commenting, just reading. Basically I’m saying, there are many reasons for readers to pull away. Those reasons usually have to do with the reader and what they’re going through at that time so, no apologies needed Marj.
Let me know what I can do to help with the carnival.
Joan
What thought provoking stuff.
I agree with Joan, that when a reader pulls back from reading thought provoking stuff, it’s because they know its right for them to do so. The information received needs to be digested at their pace. It’s not a criticism about the blog or the reader, but a need for space to think & respond in their own way.
Penny