Monthly Archive for April, 2007Page 2 of 4

Questions About Virginia Tech Shootings

Published
by
JoanofArc
on April 21, 2007
in Mental Health, PTSD and Therapy
. 4 Comments

I’m sure many are angry right now, not just at the gunman but at VT as an institution. There have got to be so many “why” questions it would take a hundred years to answer just a few. The main “why” question I’ve asked is “Why did it take two hours before the shooting stopped?” and “Why was there a delay in response from the first two killings until the other shootings started?” Two hours is a long time. Neither Virginia Tech nor the police can give a suitable answer to me but I do have a suggestion that may curb some of the deserved criticism. Offer traditional and non-traditional therapies free of charge to students and faculty that request it. It was the gunman that pulled the trigger but it was the delay that gave him time to take more and more lives. Virginia Tech, you can’t give the lives back but you can do everything in your power to do right by the survivors.

The media seems to give many details about the gunman’s life. Even though it is clear that this man had severe mental health issues I can’t say I’ll offer him my sympathies. Having a mental illness myself seems to make my heart sad for him because I know how it feels to be a prisoner of your own mind. BUT at this point the tragedy is no longer about him but about the innocent people who became victims of a disturbed man and those who watched these slayings helplessly.    

Continue reading ‘Questions About Virginia Tech Shootings’

Sunrise: Connection With Meaning

Published
by
Austin
on April 21, 2007
in Gratitude Journal, PTSD and Relationships
. 2 Comments

I like to believe the sun rises so that I can have another chance to make my life what I want it to be. Today may not have been a good day but tomorrow can be. I have control over certain things but undeniably there are things beyond my control. The opportunity to take advantage of the things I can control and change are renewed with each day of life I’m given. I believe that when the sun rises it is a symbol that my time is not up yet. I still have options and I still have hope that I can make this life worth waking up for.

Continue reading ‘Sunrise: Connection With Meaning’

Don’t Walk On Me

Published
by
Austin
on April 18, 2007
in General Chatter, Humor and Pets
. 5 Comments

GracieWe are still very tired and still lacking sleep. We took a very long hot bath and intend to take some sleep meds because at this point we’ve had about 9 hours in the last 3 days. We aren’t staying asleep very long at all and our mind is somewhat slow at the moment. I can tell that we’re feeling the effects of sleep deprivation so tonight we’ll do something we hardly ever do, take something to sleep.We’re having a major fybro flair up. All the cat did was walk on my side and I about broke into tears it hurt so badly. You know how it feels when you stub your toe on something and it hurts so bad you can’t even scream? That was the kind of I can’t even scream or cry this hurt so bad kinda experience I had when she walked on me. I jokingly told someone that it hurts when the cats whiskers brush up against me. I hope the cat doesn’t look at me too hard it, might upset my fybro. Now there’s a fybro flair up. The cat’s whiskers cause pain and if she looks at me too hard I’ll need morphine.   

Continue reading ‘Don’t Walk On Me’

Dead Wrong

Published
by
Austin
on April 18, 2007
in Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, PTSD, Relationships and Therapy
. 2 Comments

I have little to say so this will be short and sweet. I won’t keep posting daily with titles such as “I have nothing to say” and things like that. If I don’t have anything to say then I just won’t post.

I should say that Maureen didn’t get Destiny’s letter before therapy but Destiny did keep her word. Our therapist is dead wrong. People change. From how we described Destiny to him he replied that perhaps Morton should step in and tell her No you can’t do this instead of letting her make her own decision in hopes that she’ll learn to see herself more as part of the group instead of how separated she feels from us at times. He said that Joan seems to feel Blossom is annoying and takes a lot of our energy away from us and then asked if Destiny feels that way too. Something in us kinda snapped, twisted a bit I’d say and out popped a young boy who said, “She don’t care, she just wants to sleep with her.” Continue reading ‘Dead Wrong’

Slow Down

Published
by
Austin
on April 17, 2007
in Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, PTSD and Relationships
. 2 Comments

I believe art to be a better alternative to other behaviors that are counter productive to healing. It’s just that I have therapy in a few hours and it might be nice to kinda get some shut eye. But nope, I keep sitting here, doing piece after piece, smoking square after square like somehow that’s going to fill me enough to walk away from the PC and be okay with this decision ahead of me. Really there is no decision. I mean, the others don’t want it. I wouldn’t expect Morton to do anything other than what’s in our best interest. I think the issue is much more than what does Destiny want to do.

It’s funny cause some things feel so right at the time then you step back and go what the fuck just happened there? And where was the other me who could have stepped in and said Destiny take a cold shower and chill cause this isn’t going to work. You know Morton isn’t going to go for this I can’t even believe you’re acting stupid like this. Continue reading ‘Slow Down’

Sacrifice Me

Published
by
Austin
on April 17, 2007
in Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, PTSD, Relationships and Therapy
. 0 Comments

Sacrifice MeI can’t stand the thought of feeling as sad as I did when I was with Blossom. Destiny wants to see her and though she is third in command it is a good thing we all have an equal voice because my tears mean as much as her desires. For Morton’s Pride that’s important. She may be third and I may be at the bottom of the pole but our voices are equal and it is my hope…. I plead to Morton to not let this happen. It’s always his final decision. If he says no then she wouldn’t even consider doing this but if he says yes then there are many of us inside that end up hurt just so she can get a little bit. I don’t want this and I hope Morton ……..I know Morton to be a reasonable man. I know he listens to us as a group but I’m still scared.

The therapist said to one of our little ones that sometimes we have to break the rules. That shook some things up inside because for Morton’s Pride rules means trust. We trust that each of us is going to do what they say they’ll do or not do. We know what each of us will and will not do based on their responsibilities and their word. If someone goes around braking rules then they destroy the trust we’ve built and that is where my fear comes in. When Morton says “no” will Destiny go against his authority and do this anyway?   

Continue reading ‘Sacrifice Me’

Future Vulnerabilities- to MayPoles

Published
by
Austin
on April 15, 2007
in Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, My reply, PTSD and Therapy
. 1 Comment

MayPoles of life Says:
April 15th, 2007 at 2:44 pm e

Austin, it isn’t your art that shows me you are a “good girl, kind soul, giving person, a loving human being”….it is your words. Your art work shows me your past and present. It gives me a minds eye into your life, past and present. I think it is excellent, though painful therapy for you to draw. It allows you to stand back and look at yourself. YOU know, or should I say I believe you believe you are a good person. To believe otherwise would be ludicrous did I spell that right? May I ask, if you loath your art work so much, are you getting tired of looking at your past? Are you getting tired of a reminder? I don’t know, I’m just thinking outloud. I wish I could know what you felt like on the inside, I’m not making light of any of your feelings, because I believe they should be validated, I just want to be more empathetic. This I will tell you, in my heart, I KNOW you have the spirit of a survivor…and I think that is so cool, because “they” didn’t rob you of that. As I reread this before posting, I’m saying to myself, I sure hope Austin understands what I’m trying to say….because sometimes I sound totally of the wall, and I’m not very clear, but I meant well.

Future Vulnerabilities
Sunday, April 15, 2007-4:14PM EST

No, you’re not off the wall or anything like that.

Yes, I’m getting tired of my past…more than I can say … but to not look at it now means my future successes are left to unnecessary vulnerabilities. Unresolved issues are like having a weakness in a security system, or rusted links in a link chain. It’ll hold so much and do well holding it but eventually one of those links is going to give and what was once held securely goes down in a free fall. I would like to strengthen as many links as possible. I doubt that I can strengthen them all and I know there will always be vulnerabilities. At this point there are so many weak links and vulnerabilities to not look at them and to not work on them would leave my future as messed up and unstable as my past.

Continue reading ‘Future Vulnerabilities- to MayPoles’

Her Rainstorm

Published
by
Austin
on April 15, 2007
in Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, PTSD and Therapy
. 3 Comments

Her Rainstorm

Can a person really be dissatisfied with absolutely everything they do?
Is it possible to stop a rain cloud when that cloud only exists because self esteem refuses to let the sun in, to let the silver lining glow?

I was just looking at an artist’s page who has a blog idea I’ve not seen before. There are a ton of blogs out there on the same subjects. It’s refreshing to see new ideas. Anyway though, he/she talked about how our personal value system is what helps us to judge art. Of course this immediately reminded me of the above piece I did yesterday and posted which is why I’m amending the entry.

I was so unsatisfied with this piece called Her Rainstorm, not because I could see any particular area that I wanted to change but because a reflection of my own lack of self worth looked me dead in the eye and refused to break glance. When I look at my own art I want to see, I want the world to see that Austin is a “good girl.” Of course this has to do with abuse issues but people who don’t know my issues might have a real hard time understanding why I loath my artwork to the point that I do. The view of myself, my self worth spills over where it should not.

In therapy the doc and I are working on the issue of “self blame.” I blame myself for everything and when I do my anger level hits sky high, everything around me becomes a source of irritation and ultimately I find myself, my art, my blogs worthless.

Continue reading ‘Her Rainstorm’

It’s Not The Sesame Street We Use To Know

Published
by
Austin
on April 14, 2007
in Humor and My reply
. 1 Comment

I have thoroughly enjoyed bashing Elmo but we must make room for Big Bird and his friends who clearly have issues. Since we so enjoy bashing Sesame Street puppets so much here is a link I found a long time ago called Twenty Things You Didn’t Know About Sesame Street.

You will find interesting facts such as

  • 4. In 1985, Snuffeupagus ceased to be a creature only Big Bird can see. The reason? Concerns that adults not believing Big Bird about Snuffy would lead to children being afraid to speak out about sexual abuse.

(that has got to be the most absolute absurd thing I’ve ever heard)

  • 5. In the first season, Grover was brown, not blue.

When looking up this link again I saw one that said Grover wasn’t just blue he’s bitter. If you look up the words Grover is Bitter you’ll get 288,000 hits. Does Grover know he has a problem or is he focused on Elmo’s problem. See Elmo’s issues below.
This one here is pretty good. It’s the Sesame Street Lost Pregnancy Episode by a blogger that had me rolling with her re-written version.

Poor Elmo lost his way when he went into the drug trafficking business. It’s just sad. So forget all the hero crap I talked about the other day. Elmo was caught with Meth. There’s no hope for mankind or puppet kind. It’s all down hill from here. Smoking Gun reports Elmo getting busted. This is what Holloywood does to puppets….okay, I can’t. I can’t go on…..I’m proving that I should have been in bed hours ago. Despite a low caffeine day I’m still hyper and still awake. But, klonapin should help me sleep.

Aussie

PS. Ernie rules! And no, he and Bert don’t have a “thing.” Those were horrible lies started by none other than Elmo.

I’ve Got Nothing To Say

Published
by
Austin
on April 13, 2007
in General Chatter and Humor
. 6 Comments

I have nothing to say. No updates. No bits of wisdom or comedy. I just ain’t got nuttin’ to say. I’m all out of words for the moment so you’ll have to be okay with quizzes from blogthings.com


You Are Cookie Monster


Misunderstood as a primal monster, you’re a true hedonist with a huge sweet tooth.You are usually feeling: Hungry. Cookies are preferred, but you’ll eat anything if cookies aren’t around.You are famous for: Your slightly crazy eyes and usual way of speaking How you life your life: In the moment. “Me want COOKIE!”

The Sesame Street Personality Quiz

While I would have preferred to be Ernie, my favoritest Sesame Street guy in the world I could see where the whole quiz was going. I knew they’d pop up the blue guy on me. That’s okay though, my next quiz gave me what I wanted.


You Are the Middle Finger


A bit fragile and dependent on your friends, you’re not nearly as hostile as you seem.You are balanced, easy to get along with, and quite serious.However, you can get angry and fed up with those around you. And you aren’t afraid to show it!You get along well with: The Index FingerStay away from: The Pinky

What Finger Are You?

YES!!! Since I couldn’t be Ernie I got the next best thing. I got the middle finger. Heck Yeah!!! It is my favorite form of expression but truthfully, I don’t flip people off as a form of irritation. I only flip off people I like which is a totally backwards expression.

Why do I need to stay away from the Pinky? My goodness. What have they got against the Pinky? Sounds like finger racism to me and that is just so wrong. For all the Pinky’s out there, just remember, like the middle finger, you can’t keep a good Pinky down. You must overcome. A short religious/political jab—->>>> Next thing you know, Pinky’s won’t be able to marry.


Your Aura is Violet


Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world.
And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don’t always use it! The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

What Color Is Your Aura?

It’s interesting they should say this because my Myers Briggs results are very close to it. Still, not a professional result but it’s a good thing I’m not looking for that.

 


Your Dominant Thinking Style: Modifying


Super logical and rational, you consider every fact available to you.You don’t make rash decisions and are rarely moved by emotion.You prefer what’s known and proven - to the new and untested.You tend to ground those around you and add stability.

What’s Your Thinking Style?

I often look at things for what they could be instead of for what they are. I view this as a fault since sometimes I miss what’s right in front of me. Sometimes my imagination is welcome other times it doesn’t allow me to see whats in front of me.

 


You Are a Pegasus


You are a perfectionist, with an eye for beauty.You know how to live a good life - and you rarely deviate from your good taste.While you aren’t outgoing, you have excellent social skills. People both admire you - and feel very comfortable around you.

What Mythological Creature Are You?

No, I’m not outgoing but I do have good social skills. How the two come together I don’t know. People feel comfortable around me? Um, no I don’t think so. Just ask my ex. Oh wait, that’s a bad example cause everybody knows she’s off…stupid calender keeping no good so-in-so. For how I currently feel about her please see picture number 2 in this entry but disregard the comments.

Later taters, talk to you tomorrow
Same Aussie time. Same Aussie channel.