Daily Archive for June 20th, 2007

Dream Therapy and Art Therapy Combined

Published on June 20, 2007 in Abuse, Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dream Therapy, Dreams, Mental Health, PTSD, Therapy and Therapy Assignments. 2 Comments

I was to write down my nightmares in detail and then re-write them so that I came out the victor and not the victim. Recently Dr. T added that it might be a good idea to paint the dream as well. I gave several excuses about why that wouldn’t be a good idea. The truth is, I prefer writing about it and dissociating from it to painting it in colours I won’t soon forget. Despite my objection I went ahead and painted a picture of the mother as I often see her in my dreams.

MonstersWhat I find interesting about this piece isn’t the fear mixed with insanity on her face but the tear that streams from her left eye. She was afraid of men, afraid of women, afraid to be herself, just afraid. She was also a very sad woman who took out her self hatred on others. Clear up into high school if my mother cried I cried. I hated seeing her in emotional pain. Right now, I’d like to stop seeing her in my dreams. Continue reading ‘Dream Therapy and Art Therapy Combined’

For The Birds

Published on June 20, 2007 in Dreams, Mental Health and PTSD. 4 Comments

I may not be able to grow jack crap in the garden but I was thinking about getting a bird feeder for out front. I’ve seen blue jays and cardinals almost daily for the last two weeks. I know the male cardinals voice when he comes in the yard. I dreamed about them last night, about birds. I had a dream that I was under the freeway watching wood peckers. Then the scene turned to me on a boat sailing down a river watching an old structures pump out black fumes from burned oil. The smoke stack was brass like the pipes of an old organ. The site was strangely beautiful. If you add one midget, wild horses, single engine planes, my great-grandmother and several generations together in one house you’ve got an odd but accurate idea of last nights dreams. That was one feisty midget in the image of my mother. In the dream the family kept saying, “All she wants is to be love. That’s why she acts this way.” Why she road off on a wild horse I do not know.

Last Tuesday while coming home from therapy I wasn’t the talkative cab fair my driver is use to. He knew something was wrong by the way my head faced the window and I hardly responded to him. What he did next was quite soothing and remarkable. He sang to me. The radio wasn’t on but he just started singing. He sang a popular 70′s song with a deep voice, softly he sang all the way home. It was the sweetest thing ever. When I road home today I told him I needed to rid my head of the session so I put ear phones on and slipped away.

I liked that he sang the other day, it was helpful. If asked I couldn’t tell you the name of the song.

 

Austin

For The Birds
Wednesday, June 20, 2007-2:16AM EST

Freakin’ Psych Tales

Published on June 20, 2007 in Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, PTSD, Soapbox and Therapy. 5 Comments

At the end of my session I asked Dr. T if I dreamed he told me he couldn’t see me anymore or if he actually said it to me in session. He paused then said, “No, I didn’t tell you that.” I didn’t respond. He added, “But in August I’ll work full time at the VA Hospital.” I really didn’t remember if I dreamed it or if he told me. He seemed rather un-nerved by me asking him because he said he hadn’t even spoken to his current office about his departure. So here we go again, a new therapist is needed. Oh the joy….make it stop.

I’m saddened by this, even discouraged but more than anything else I’m angry. Yeah, I care about his “financial security” which he sited as the reason for leaving. I understand that is needed, heck who doesn’t need financial security? But I asked him when I first started going there less than a year ago if he planned on leaving this job soon. I asked him and I brought in a page from the blog asking him about it. I was under the impression that he wasn’t leaving until today when I asked him. He’s leaving the second week of July. I so love the advanced warning I get. What, was he going to wait until the week before to break it to me that he’s a low down dirty lying sack of shit because in fact he wasn’t staying when he let me think he was? I guess I was to have a week or so to get use to the idea that I’d see someone else. He told me he’d like to arrange to see me still. Oh hell no!!! He’s got to be out of his fucking mind! I trusted the man once but come on don’t ask me to be stupid twice. You’re not Blossom for crying out loud. What do you think I’m going to let you screw me too? Okay that was a borderline statement through and through but still. What the hell!!!! Yeah, I’ll get comfortable with him and then he’ll tell me he can’t see me anymore. “Oh, by the way this is our last session.” That is IF I don’t happen to “dream” about it first. Son of bitch! You stupid fucker. Bastard! Argh!!! I got comfortable. Damn it! I know nothing lasts forever but come on. Give me a break here.

This whole thing about, “Did I dream it or did you tell me” kept nagging at me until I asked him. I wondered for the last two sessions but it never came up. Then I stood on my porch today and it was like a tick on the back of my neck…just nagging me. So I asked. I’m glad I asked but I hate the answer.

Diva- I meant for her skin to be PINK

So, I came home and did artwork for a friend and then did a revision of a piece from September of last year called Diva. Now I’m headed to bed.

 

J of A

Freakin’ Psych Tales
Wednesday, June 20, 2007-1:31AM EST