I wouldn’t consider these nightmares which is why I haven’t re-written them. I think they’re very telling but not on the same level of nightmares where I’m being abused.
I know there’s a fire that could rage out of control and possibly harm everyone on the bus but I hope it will put itself out. I’m watching a flame in the mirror hoping no one else sees that I’ve neglected to warn them of harm. I find that interesting. I’m watching what I know could really get bad but false hope of resolution keeps my mouth glued. Only when someone else smells fire do I jump to attention. (see dream three)
The apartment above the bus is significant in many ways. I’ve been told that dreams with hidden rooms are common with people that have DID. I dream this a lot, about hidden rooms or upper rooms that you have to climb through various tricky spots to enter. Even at the mall in my dreams there’s an upper floor where brass instruments are piled. You have to climb a small stairway and then through a trap door. It’s filled with heavy shadows and speechless shoppers. People move about freely but no one is talking, just shopping as if all is normal. We sift through piles of brass musical instruments, surgical instruments and old kitchenware. Some of it’s good, some of it’s not.
The apartment has come up several times in the last 4 or 5 night’s dreams. I figure the apartment comes up so often because it’s where “I” live as in “in my head.” I’m always caught back in that time period (early 90’s). It was one of the last years my mother hovered in the doorway shadows watching me pretend to sleep.
The amount of small details in the dreams is noteworthy. I could hear the radio playing the song “I’m Not Dead” by Pink an then in the other dream “Leave Out All The Rest” by Linkin Park. My cat was left in the fire alone with no help. Her cage, which she was out of, was made of wood with very few air holes. The blinds on the windows to the apartment were open. Wrinkled up foil littered the counters. The apartment in the dream was small as it was crammed on top of a city bus but it still had cathedral ceilings. I remember wanting to grill a cheese sandwich in the dream but I couldn’t because of the fire.
The words to the Linkin Park song are significant as well but right now I need to stop writing.
Austin
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