Monthly Archive for June, 2007

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Three Stooges Plus One

Published on June 27, 2007 in Humor and Pets. 1 Comment

The foster pup is here mixing well with my three stooges. All three have a different way of “welcoming” him into the home. Several times I’ve rescued Max from Captain who has him in the corner humping him so he knows he’s alpha of the animal pack. Bella hisses at him to let him know he’s under her and Grace, well her only protest is that he sometimes messes her fur.

Stooge #1- Captain and the pup are great to watch. They tumble around, roll and chase one another. It’s great to see UNTIL its time to eat then Cap makes sure the puppy knows whose bowl is whose. They’re both his! So when Cap finishes his bowl he’ll run to Max’s bowl and try to finish his. Thank goodness that boy stops on command or Max would starve.

Stooge #2- Gracie likes him too. When she strikes at him she does clown/cartoon movements towards the nose. Multiple soft strikes like she’s boxing at his nose. It’s too funny. They chase each other and play well together. When Grace doesn’t want to play she gives off a soft heartbreaking meow. I think the meow sometimes translates to: “Please don’t lick me. I’ve worked so hard on my fur, so please, don’t mess it.” The other day Max had Gracie pinned to the floor with the upper part of her body sticking out. She had a wide eyed look of, “Somebody help me, please! There’s a puppy on me.” She turned around and swatted him one and he let her up. They are too funny. “Watch the fur. Watch the fur.” I’ve figured out that’s also what Gracie says when she doesn’t want to play.

Stooge#3- Bella is too funny with the puppy. She knows she likes him but she has to prove her point about how it’s “her house” and he’s on “her turf” so she walks in the room while he’s doing nothing at all and starts hissing from across the room. She’ll walk up to him and hiss (no hair standing or anything just a huge show) then walk over and start playing with Gracie. If Bella didn’t like the puppy the pup would be dead, seriously he would. She strikes at him from time to time but “misses”. Bella doesn’t miss when she strikes something. This is the cat that can pull a fly out of the air at first strike so if she wanted to hit the boy she would. He gets right up to her, nose to nose and she strikes “at him.” Blossom freaks out like, “Oh my gosh, the puppy will be hurt.” No, if Bella wanted to hurt that puppy the puppy would be in surgery right now or buried. The girl is a huntress through and through. The fact that he is still alive means Bella likes him. She’s making sure he knows he’s at the bottom of the pack and UNDER HER. Bella is so dramatic.

Alpha-Stooge- That would be yours truly-

It seems that when a baby or a puppy is in the house I come alive. I get all domestic when new life is in the house. My mood is different when new life is in the house. I don’t want a baby or a puppy but I did enjoy caring for kids back when I did foster care. Now I’d lose my frikin mind. I don’t have the energy for it nor the patients. Heck with a puppy I can usher him outside and not be charged with neglect. In this way puppies are better than kids, you can make them sleep outside with no real emotional damage done.

Dead Roach Puppy

If you say to a kid, “You’re getting on my nerve. Get out. You’re sleeping outside tonight,” then you can expect some emotional trauma to occur. I don’t know why but sometimes kids like to sleep in the house with a warm blanket and what not. They also expect stability. I don’t have that to offer. So, it is best that I just stick with fostering puppies who won’t be damaged by occasionally being shown the door. It’s best I stick to fostering puppies who take it well when being humped, popped in the nose by a well groomed cat or shown attitude by a cat that’s so happy she’s no longer at the bottom of the pole. No longer last. No longer last. Thank God Almighty I’m no longer last.

J of A

Three Stooges Plus One
Wednesday, June 27, 2007-12:44PM EST

Dr T Evaluation

Published on June 25, 2007 in Mental Health and Therapy. 2 Comments

Dr T Evaluation

For treatment of F. Magdalene

Evaluations such as this have been given to the last 5 therapists because I want them to know my observations concerning the professional relationship. This evaluation will discuss your strong points, helpful techniques you’ve given and assess participation in my sessions. I will then end with commentary on various topics. As with past therapist evaluations this document will appear on my blog without your name or any identifiable information.

CHARACTER STRENGTHS

  • Approachable and non-threatening
  • Able to resolve miscommunication issues quickly
  • Good sense of humor
  • You dress as a professional

PERSONAL ASSISTANCE

  • Dream therapy techniques such as re-writing the outcome of the dream so that I come out as the victor isn’t something I’ve come across in my many years of therapy. I’ve found this technique helpful and will continue to use it. This one technique may not seem like such a big deal to some but when nightmares are a huge issue any real help is noteworthy. Dream therapy has been helpful.
  • You don’t take yourself too seriously or take things too personally and I appreciate that.
  • You have “thick skin” which is helpful when borderline issues rear their ugly head.
  • Many therapists have become absorbed in my comedy performances and lose focus of the session. You were able to bring the session back on track, I appreciate that also.
  • You gave feedback that I took home to think about.

Continue reading ‘Dr T Evaluation’

Son of a Biscuit Eater

Published on June 22, 2007 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, PTSD, Soapbox and Therapy. 5 Comments

My current therapist, the biscuit eating bastard that’s leaving, said he’ll have evening hours until whenever that changes and that he can see me in the evenings still. I said I didn’t like the up in the air type arrangement and that it would be good to go ahead and switch me over now than to drag this out. So he’ll check with a few therapists at his office to see who accepts my insurance and who doesn’t. I told him I don’t want to see a female therapist. I have too many issues with women to see a female therapist. So he suggested Dr. G directly across the hall from him. There are 3 DID clients that I know of at my clinic and Dr. G works with one of them so I think he’s a good candidate.

I’m not taking it very well that Dr. T is leaving. For two or three minutes I feel okay and then an overwhelming sadness hits me. I’m trying to do maintenance now and I’m trying not to reach the over the top anger I feel myself leaning towards. This means no Blossom this week end. I have a few things I need to do but other than that there are not fun plans. I need to get a few prints out in the mail and make sure I eat something healthy…oh, and take meds…stuff like that.

I may be hit and miss on line. I should check my email sometime today. I haven’t since yesterday afternoon. I should do that……

That’s all,

Joan

Friday, June 22, 2007 9:15AM EST

Dream Therapy and Art Therapy Combined

Published on June 20, 2007 in Abuse, Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Dream Therapy, Dreams, Mental Health, PTSD, Therapy and Therapy Assignments. 2 Comments

I was to write down my nightmares in detail and then re-write them so that I came out the victor and not the victim. Recently Dr. T added that it might be a good idea to paint the dream as well. I gave several excuses about why that wouldn’t be a good idea. The truth is, I prefer writing about it and dissociating from it to painting it in colours I won’t soon forget. Despite my objection I went ahead and painted a picture of the mother as I often see her in my dreams.

MonstersWhat I find interesting about this piece isn’t the fear mixed with insanity on her face but the tear that streams from her left eye. She was afraid of men, afraid of women, afraid to be herself, just afraid. She was also a very sad woman who took out her self hatred on others. Clear up into high school if my mother cried I cried. I hated seeing her in emotional pain. Right now, I’d like to stop seeing her in my dreams. Continue reading ‘Dream Therapy and Art Therapy Combined’

For The Birds

Published on June 20, 2007 in Dreams, Mental Health and PTSD. 4 Comments

I may not be able to grow jack crap in the garden but I was thinking about getting a bird feeder for out front. I’ve seen blue jays and cardinals almost daily for the last two weeks. I know the male cardinals voice when he comes in the yard. I dreamed about them last night, about birds. I had a dream that I was under the freeway watching wood peckers. Then the scene turned to me on a boat sailing down a river watching an old structures pump out black fumes from burned oil. The smoke stack was brass like the pipes of an old organ. The site was strangely beautiful. If you add one midget, wild horses, single engine planes, my great-grandmother and several generations together in one house you’ve got an odd but accurate idea of last nights dreams. That was one feisty midget in the image of my mother. In the dream the family kept saying, “All she wants is to be love. That’s why she acts this way.” Why she road off on a wild horse I do not know.

Last Tuesday while coming home from therapy I wasn’t the talkative cab fair my driver is use to. He knew something was wrong by the way my head faced the window and I hardly responded to him. What he did next was quite soothing and remarkable. He sang to me. The radio wasn’t on but he just started singing. He sang a popular 70′s song with a deep voice, softly he sang all the way home. It was the sweetest thing ever. When I road home today I told him I needed to rid my head of the session so I put ear phones on and slipped away.

I liked that he sang the other day, it was helpful. If asked I couldn’t tell you the name of the song.

 

Austin

For The Birds
Wednesday, June 20, 2007-2:16AM EST

Freakin’ Psych Tales

Published on June 20, 2007 in Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, PTSD, Soapbox and Therapy. 5 Comments

At the end of my session I asked Dr. T if I dreamed he told me he couldn’t see me anymore or if he actually said it to me in session. He paused then said, “No, I didn’t tell you that.” I didn’t respond. He added, “But in August I’ll work full time at the VA Hospital.” I really didn’t remember if I dreamed it or if he told me. He seemed rather un-nerved by me asking him because he said he hadn’t even spoken to his current office about his departure. So here we go again, a new therapist is needed. Oh the joy….make it stop.

I’m saddened by this, even discouraged but more than anything else I’m angry. Yeah, I care about his “financial security” which he sited as the reason for leaving. I understand that is needed, heck who doesn’t need financial security? But I asked him when I first started going there less than a year ago if he planned on leaving this job soon. I asked him and I brought in a page from the blog asking him about it. I was under the impression that he wasn’t leaving until today when I asked him. He’s leaving the second week of July. I so love the advanced warning I get. What, was he going to wait until the week before to break it to me that he’s a low down dirty lying sack of shit because in fact he wasn’t staying when he let me think he was? I guess I was to have a week or so to get use to the idea that I’d see someone else. He told me he’d like to arrange to see me still. Oh hell no!!! He’s got to be out of his fucking mind! I trusted the man once but come on don’t ask me to be stupid twice. You’re not Blossom for crying out loud. What do you think I’m going to let you screw me too? Okay that was a borderline statement through and through but still. What the hell!!!! Yeah, I’ll get comfortable with him and then he’ll tell me he can’t see me anymore. “Oh, by the way this is our last session.” That is IF I don’t happen to “dream” about it first. Son of bitch! You stupid fucker. Bastard! Argh!!! I got comfortable. Damn it! I know nothing lasts forever but come on. Give me a break here.

This whole thing about, “Did I dream it or did you tell me” kept nagging at me until I asked him. I wondered for the last two sessions but it never came up. Then I stood on my porch today and it was like a tick on the back of my neck…just nagging me. So I asked. I’m glad I asked but I hate the answer.

Diva- I meant for her skin to be PINK

So, I came home and did artwork for a friend and then did a revision of a piece from September of last year called Diva. Now I’m headed to bed.

 

J of A

Freakin’ Psych Tales
Wednesday, June 20, 2007-1:31AM EST

OCD Chronicles and Confessions

Published on June 18, 2007 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Humor and Relationships. 6 Comments Tags: .

I think I’ve cleaned every corner of this house this week end with Blossom here. I washed the windows, the windowsills; steam cleaned the carpets again and did 3 loads of laundry. I even dusted the entire house. It needed to get done; I had the energy to do it so I did it. After that I made turkey and dressing, fresh spinach and candied carrots. Before I could even serve it Blossom coughed over it with her mouth uncovered. I was furious. Later that evening she coughed the same way and sprayed shit all over my hand and face. I calmly walked to the restroom and showered it off. If that wasn’t bad enough, she later began making a pot of coffee and decided that instead of getting a towel to dry the pot she’d use her handkerchief to do it. She pulled her nasty ass hanky from her back pocket, the same one she’s been using for 4 days now and wiped down the coffee pot. I couldn’t believe my eyes. My coffee pot had just been wiped down with a snot rag. To my surprise my roommate found this act quite vile. If a person can gross out my roommate they’re good and gross cause that man is nothing short of triflin’. “You want some coffee Barney?” “Uh, no, no I’m good.” Needless to say it wasn’t a pleasant weekend. That girl knows how to upset OCD issues but you do not have to have OCD to find her behavior nasty. Continue reading ‘OCD Chronicles and Confessions’