So there I was sitting on the sofa twiddling my thumbs, whistling my innocent tune. Da dee, da, dee, da, dee. Then it occurred to me today is a beautiful day for yard work. “Self” I says, “Today is a good day for yard work but a better day for shooting pictures.” So I grabbed my trusty digital cam and tripod then headed outside. Satisfied with the work I’d done I hurried inside to upload the multiple shots of the dead flower, whose name I do not know. Just before uploading I realized I had email. “Self” I says, “You have email from your good friend Beauty.” Pleased to see a note from a friend I rushed to open the gift gmail brought me. But what did I find? This!
Me: How could you?
Beauty: But it was just a joke.
Me: SILENCE!
Beauty: What can be done for me.
Me: You need a lawyer. I’m suing.
Beauty: Have mercy on me. I’m just a redheaded woman with nothing to do but harass my friends and put up billboards with photos they supplied.
Me: Oh, so now this is my fault?
Beauty: Well, if you think about it, yes. It is. You do put tons of photos of yourself on the net with your dimples showing and eyes looking all innocent. But we all know. We all know ya little no good……
Me: SILENCE!
I begged the court to have mercy on Beauty for it was only the third time she’d done such a thing to me. They did not drag her away screaming to the prison for those who use photos improperly.
Beauty: Friends?
Me: Yeah, we’re still friends.
Beauty: Wanna go get some ice cream?
Me: No, but I did pick a dead flower for you. See???!!!
J of A
Flowers and Friends
Wednesday, July 11, 2007-4:42PM EST
So there I was trying to wake up with my morning coffee, when I decided to mosey through my e-mails and see if anything special awaited me. Seeing that I had one from my dear friend, Aussie, I opened it with fingers trembling with excitement. Oh, what did my buddy have to say today? Gentle words of encouragement? A few laughs to make me forget my troubles for a second or two?
Imagine my astonishment when I clicked on the enclosed e-mail link and ended up here, reading the above post! Why, indignation hot and heavy swelled up within (or was it merely a gas bubble from the gigantic dinner I had last night?) Oh, to be so maligned in public! To be the butt of my dear friend’s warped humor!
Self, I said, you’d better rethink this friendship. Why oh why do you always end up with people who want to shame you and have you sent to the big house?
Tears as warm as my latest hot flash coursed down my tender cheeks. It’s not fair, I told myself, not fair at all. Can I have been so mistaken? Have I only imagined in my warped mind that Aussie adores, nay idolizes me? Can it be true that she has stored up so much resentment towards me that my public humiliation and castigation causes her nary a twinge of guilt?
And then, dear readers, then I saw it: the flower. Aussie picked me a flower! Oh sure, she refers to it as dead–but aren’t all flowers dead once they’ve been picked?
My heart leapt with joy. A flower from Aussie! I haven’t received a flower in a month of Sundays and now here is one from Austin herself!
With a sigh of pure contentment I finished off my cup of joe and relished the moment. Self, I murmured in conclusion, her adoration still waxes hot and heavy or she would not have taken the time to pick you this beautiful flower.
Thus began this brand new day. Can it get any better?
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LMAO..You are so fun! My head hurts I laughed so hard.
Austin