This was a search query that lead someone to my blog. Awhile back Kathy over at Dark2Light decided to blog on the topic of search queries that brought people to her blog. So, I’m going to snatch her idea and answer this one because it grabbed my attention AND it fits my current situation very well.
Are borderlines crazy? No, we are not. Having borderline personality disorder does not make you unlovable, less of a person, crazy or bad. Borderlines are human beings that grew up in a situation where their needs were not met. They were either neglected, abused and/or given mixed messages routinely. Instability during childhood can delay personality development or hinder it leading to difficulties in adulthood. These difficulties do not make us crazy nor do they make us bad people. It means that circumstances beyond a child’s control didn’t allow the personality to develop in such a way that lets him/her communicate, live and thrive as others do. It means we have a job ahead of us to try and learn lessons not given in a healthy way as a child. Crazy does not play into this equation in any way shape or form. However, as informed adults we must learn to change these behaviors and develop life skills that lead to happiness.
Sincerely,
Austin of Sundrip
Wednesday, July 18, 2007-11:03PM EST
Are Borderlines Crazy?
UPDATE
After I wrote yesterday’s entry in reply to a search query I began to think about my mother’s borderline behaviors as well as the borderline behaviors of other parents. My mother is borderline and an abuser but being borderline doesn’t necessarily mean you will be an abuser.
When I think about what my mother did I can see more than her borderline personality disorder at work. She was a cruel woman who loved reminiscing on her cruelty. She’d re-tell my sister and me stories of our abuse (as if we weren’t there when it happened) with much lust. I do not know this type of torture to be a borderline symptom. I believe when it comes to my mother more than BPD was in play. My mother with her lust for abuse is a sociopath/psychopath. She is narcissistic, cunning and an all around frightening person. It is not the BPD that made my mother crazy because BPD is only part of her profile. Looking at my mother’s whole profile I can see the community is safer with her in a prison asylum.
Thursday, July 19, 2007-9:36AM EST
I can’t take the credit for the idea. I believe I stole it from Experimental Chimp.
http://experimentalchimp.wordpress.com/
(Sorry… I’m too lazy to type the html to link it)
Hi Austin, I just got your e-mail yesterday but haven’t had time to get over here until now. I think I would just say that “crazy” is a meaningless term. It is pejorative and doesn’t really mean anything (“I don’t like chocolate.” “You’re crazy!”). I wish we would use words like “maladaptive” or something like that, because I agree with you: BPD is what happens when people make psychic adjustments for survival that end up being maladaptive (for them and those around them). It IS important to remember that not all borderlines are abusive. I tend to lump all borderlines into a category associated with my mother, as though she is the perfect example of all borderlines, which is patently unfair. It’s like the equivalent of psychological bigotry, and I am trying to change that in myself. She is also an abusive narcissist, and I just leave that out of the equation as though it didn’t exist…thanks for your post. I will use your reminder well to adjust my own thinking on this topic and stop being so damn judgmental.
I have to add: I was just scrolling through my bloghits page, and someone was searching for “are borderline personalities smart?” That’s cool. Heh heh. YEAH they are!
I never realized how many traits my mother has of borderline. I am one and she does not see hers.
Thank you for this. I don’t display as many borderline traits as I did before I started taking Lithium, thus some of them may have actually been part of my bipolar disorder. But I do think I have some borderline behaviors because I also have some major betrayal issues. I have ALWAYS felt crazy. I really appreciated this post.
I dated a borderline woman for a year. She was very abusive towards me, yet told everyone that I abused her. Everything that happened was my fault. If she got mad at me, it was my fault for doing something wrong. If I got mad her, I was abusive. If she got mad at me, it was okay, cuz I screwed up. If I did something right, she took credit for it. If something went wrong, it was my fault. If I tried to leave, she would steal my valuables (such as my laptop) to hold me hostage. She had me beat up, and tried to have me beat up two times after that, but I got too smart for her.
Borderlines are unstable, abusive, manipulative, and dishonest. They *are* crazy. Anyone who tells you different is probably because they’re borderline. If you know you have the condition, and you take steps to improve/heal, then you’re *not* crazy. But, as in her case, living in denial and doing the things borderlines do *does* make you crazy. Remember, borderline used to be considered a form of psychosis.