The People Behind My Eyes

*green with envy and tired of eat, sleep, eat, sleep.
I feel bored and purposeless.*

I’m not that pleased with things right now. I find irritation at every turn. Sleep has increased to an amazing rate. I’m actually sleeping too much and I’m okay with it. That’s what worries me. I’m okay that I stay up at night and sleep during the day. I pull my body out of bed at 7pm after going to bed at 7 or 8am. I just don’t care. I’m going through the motions but it seems to take everything I’ve got to do it. Somehow it all gets done but I miss it all. I think I’m losing time too.

I knew I’d be depressed about the whole Blossom issue. I expected to fall into a depression so this isn’t some huge surprise. What’s a surprise is that I know I’m depressed and I just don’t care to do anything about it. here is my oomph? Eat, drink, sleep, eat drink sleep and be pissed at the rest of the world for actually having a frinkin life.

I see MacBlue Friday afternoon….joy of joys. He didn’t do anything wrong this last session. It was a good session. He did well with our switches to tell you the truth. Then a little one thanked him for not saying stupid stuff. That’s how she put it too, “Thank you for not saying stupid stuff today.” Oh Lord. I hope he wasn’t offended. This same kid that put it that way said to him, “You once said you call a spade a spade.” He said, “Yes.” She said, “We think spades win games but tact will win a listening ear.” He said we have different philosophies about life. One thing I noticed from the background was that he lost eye contact with her when she said it. I wondered why. But he said he’d work very hard to not say stupid stuff like that anymore.

For the life of me I can’t remember his face when I leave his office. I remember he has a Beta fish and there are some odd statues in his office but I couldn’t tell you the pattern on his love seat, on his chair or what art is on the walls. He has some hanging cranes, some sort of paper folded into a bird and they call it art. But for the life of me, I can’t remember his face.

I find Captain’s apathy for the guy quite interesting. At least he went over to Dr. T to greet him. Cap doesn’t do that with MacBlue. He goes to sleep the entire session but you let me make a move and the boy is on his feet. At the end of one particular session MacBlue stood up and Cap jumped to his feet all emergency like. What was interesting is that Captain walked over to me not to MacBlue. He couldn’t care less about that guy. MacBlue said, “He sure is responsive isn’t he?” Yup, he sure is. That’s my boy! Love him, slobber and all.

Austin