Disastrous Desserts

I should have asked for ID before inviting her over. I should have done a background check, a horoscope check, did some numerology or some sort of voodoo to see if I should leave the house but no, I went about this date thinking I’d be okay. Okay was not in the cards for me, no sir re Bob. So here we go, we’re sitting on my porch eating pudding, watching the stars through a fog filled sky when she decided she’d like a Pepsi. Well, I didn’t have any here so we went to the store. At the store a drunken 80’s band singer wanna be stumbled in. Instead of just letting Mr. Rock N Roll go about his business she started talking to him, asking him what was in the cup. Now, it’s not like I wouldn’t have done the same. It just would have been at a time when I wasn’t on a date. So, she’s talking to him, tells him she can smell the Polo he’s wearing. She asks him if he’s drunk. He said he was fine but then turned to me and said, “But I can see two of you, fat ass.” I said, “Please feel free to kiss both of my asses.”

I have no idea how I got involved in that whole thing but he decided to drag me in it with a “fat ass” comment. My response got a laugh from on lookers so I didn’t feel as bad as I would had I not come back with that. Before he could stumble out in his super tight white jeans and hair that was two strands shy of a mullet she went into a rant and rave about being fat. It seems this 25 year old mother of 4 is also sensitive about her weight. (Note to self: ask age and number of dependents before agreeing to a date.) Can this get any worse? On the way back to my house she asked if I’d be able to support her financially. So much for we’re just having pudding. Back at my house she picked up her rant and rave again. She explained that she’s on SSI for anger issues then went on to express unbridled rage directed not at the super skinny 80’s rocker but at “Mexicans”, Deaf people, White people, Black people, Muslims and men. I basically dated the female version of MacBlue. It seems she has issues with McDonald’s employees too. The whole “may I take your order” thing gets on her nerves. She turns around and leaves when asked that stupid question. In case you’re wondering, no I didn’t meet her at the local loony bin. At least I didn’t shave my legs for this.

I have to admit, the more I date casually the more I realize just how laid back and almost conservative I am. I said that to someone today, about being conservative. She (you know who you are) was rather shocked I’d use that word in reference to myself. I guess what I mean is, I’m a homebody, the domestic type, a girl not looking for a wild night out on the town. I’m opinionated and out spoken but not loud and boisterous. I’m not the crowd type at all. I think I know what’s right and wrong and I’m willing to press my ideas on others. I’m willing to say, No, that’s not right and here’s why I think that. I’m not always open to agree to disagree, not with a strong sense of being a know it all. I may shut up and not argue but it doesn’t’ mean I’m not set in my ways. Lord, at 36 I’m set in my ways. I’m also quite shy when it comes to dating. I lose my self confidence big time and get rather shy, dare I say girly until much further into the relationship. Even further in I’m usually not the dominant one. I’m outspoken always but when it comes to relationships I tend to speak my mind but cave to her needs.

So what do I want? Space. In between that space I want someone to pamper then I want more space. After a bit of space I want someone to share a dinner with, maybe trek around the golf course awhile, go to the dog park, watch a DVD, go to a museum and other low key stuff. I want a reader, a homebody like myself. I want someone with self confidence, someone I don’t have to always build up and reassure of their inner and outer beauty. I need her to have a bit of culture, someone who doesn’t think Red Lobster has the best seafood in town. She doesn’t have to have a college education. She doesn’t have to sport a passport that’s been to various third world countries. She doesn’t have to be a 10. I want someone kind, someone on the same wave length with me at least 50% of the time.

If I’m going to date between spaces I’ll need to find someone I have a little more in common with. I might have to remember not to be so opinionated though. It tends to make people uncomfortable. Opinionated people come off as judgmental and that’s not really a great thing to add to my “why you should date me” list. Nobody likes to be judged.

J of A