I blog openly to strangers with no invite to family and 3-D friends. One neighbor knows I blog. She’s been here a few times as well as her brother in Philly. I think my brother has been here a few times but I don’t think my mother has. If my mom reads my blog or any other family member, aunts, father, cousins, sister, etc then so be it but I sure as heck won’t send an invite. I talk about UK and Holiday, about Lady and Blossom but they don’t have the URL to my blog, very few of my 3-D friends or associates have my URL.
It’s one thing for them to have access to the blog; it’s a different thing to give them that access. They can find it on the net if they want but I’m not going to hand over my URL.
It’s stressful blogging with strangers reading because someone will find offense with how an entry is written. Readers seem to not realize there’s only so much you can cram into one entry. You can’t cover every single detail and cover all your bases. It’s a journal entry, not a thesis but try and get some readers to understand that. Sheshhhh! Readers will question, doubt, even name call or leave troll comments and act an ass as if that’s all their life means to them, bothering bloggers they don’t even know. There’s blogger etiquette and blogger politics to think about. Do you spell well enough, do you use the word “literally” correctly? Will your blog entry show up on a joke site if you don’t? Worrying about who will do what with an entry and who will say what about your entry can slow down the smooth flow of writing. It seems some idiot out there is just waiting for you to contradict yourself so they can call you a liar and prove your whole blog is a sham. Boy, strangers can lay pressure on thick but family brings with them a whole different range of spoken and unspoken expectations.
Here are a few examples of touchy situations with family and blogs:
- You blog about an argument with Dear Hubby for the sole purpose of processing your feelings but he reads that entry and is upset that you wrote about it on the net. Despite positive, objective feedback he may not want you to write about your private life anymore.
- Your wife is suffering from depression and you’re worried. You want to talk about her depression but you don’t because it won’t go over well. Her mom might read it. Her co-workers might read it because they have the URL too. The risks are too high because everyone in your personal life has your URL.
- Your family keeps telling you they come second to the internet. They’re getting tired of everyone in cyberspace knowing more about your life than they do. There’s pressure to talk to them instead of blogging.
When family and friends read your blog the rules change. A blogger would do well to think it through before handing over the URL to 3-D’s. Even talking about non-abuse issues can cause a rift or cause upset. I should say too when they know you blog they might feel obligated to read even if they don’t want to or don’t have the time.
The issues of family, and 3-D friends reading your blog are many which is why I prefer to leave my 3-D’s in the dark. No URL for 3-D’s. For me, it’s better that way. I only have one crowd to deal with that way. There’s no one telling me what I should or shouldn’t say. There are no misunderstandings, no rifts because an entry gave too much information. Most of all, there are no masks. I don’t have to pretend that I’m okay if I’m not. Blogging with 3-D readers adds pressure I just don’t need.
Random thoughts on blogging:
How many people spend more time on the net than they do with their kids, their mate, their 3-D friends or people who can hop in the car and be there for them in a split second?
How many people look for answers in blogs hoping to find a connection but feel more alienated when they log off?
How many find strength in blogs and log off determined to keep going? I do.
How many people logged on the net and found valuable friendships, friendships they know will last? I did.
I wonder how many marriages were ruined because a mate opened up on a private blog but not to their partner?
Why do people log on and punch in some vague idea of happiness as if the Google search knows how to find it?
Sunday, October 07, 2007-2:46PM EST
All very good points.
I have too much to say for comments, so I think I’ll go blog a reply. Hope you don’t mind.
Toodles,
eni
Very, very few people who read my blog know my “real” name. My family knows I blog (some do) but do not have the address/site. My husband knows I’d kill him if I ever found out he read it – since he can’t operate a computer, I think I’m safe. My T reads it – she is one of the few “Real life” people that I sit down with face to face, after knowing she has read it. Others know my name (real one) but, while I chat with them online, talk to them on phone, and know much about them, we’ve not met in real life. Truth be known though, even the blog readers who only know me as “Enola” know far more about me that some of my “real life” friends.
This entry really gives a lot to think about. The bodies SO knows we blog but doesn’t have the address and seems to respect our privacy.
We personally think anyone who blogs publically is very brave even if only people online read it.
Patches/Alex
Since it’s rare that anyone comments on or about my blog, I don’t know who reads it and who doesn’t. I know some family will, some won’t and some simply don’t care. Though he knows I blog, Husband doesn’t say much, but I know if I say something he doesn’t like, he’ll bellow. But he doesn’t like to read, so for him to go there is rare.
I have a private journal that I keep locked for any complaints and bitching that I do. It’s a sad journal and once I write in it, I don’t go back and reread it. It goes to the places I don’t want to be. No one knows the password to get into it except me.
Yours is one of the blogs where I find strength–it helps me keep going. Thanks for that.
Nobody that actually knows me knows where to find any of my blogs. The blogs that I write to promote my book are written under my pen name. The ones under the “Cheesemeister” name are hidden now because of a troll who reminded me of the guy that assaulted me 10 years ago.
I love seeing what you have to say. Just because people don’t agree on everything doesn’t mean they can’t respect and like each other! Your experiences are different from mine and I don’t know that I could have survived what you did. I was molested very young and don’t have conscious memories of the attacks, but do have some physical reminders and later learned that a lot of my behavior was linked to what happened to me. I always felt like an outsider and escaped in horror fiction, which I now write. Somehow it helps me deal with what happened. Your art helps you. And so both of these are good things. But we are different people. I can’t draw a stick figure to save my life, and you don’t like horror fiction. But I think we can still be supportive of each other. A world of clones would suck!