I wonder if now that Holiday knows about this blog and about us if our friendship will change? She’s another friend I didn’t tell about the DID. I also didn’t tell Lady about it or Psycho Date chick. It’s easier to tell someone I’m a survivor because the vast majority of women this day and age are, more men are coming forward as well. Heck, I’m okay with 3-D people knowing most things about me. I’m open about the OCD. I don’t hesitate to tell people they can’t use my restroom. I told Holiday last night that I wouldn’t be able to call her today because it’s a therapy day and I’ll most likely be messed up. Her sweet reply? “I’ll be your therapist.” I appreciate it when friends step up like that but it scares the crap out of me when they walk into my mind, my blog. These are people I have to look at, people that are going to know I barely make it through each day. I think she understand depression. I think she understands being lonely and many other issues I have but worry she’ll be afraid of the DID thing. Will she make fun of me with that age old joke, “Which one of you did that?” followed by laughter? Will I be the butt of too many jokes? This worries me now. And truthfully, since I know she’s reading I can go ahead and say this. Now you know. I hadn’t planned on telling you because many times telling has gone badly for me. I don’t appreciate the jokes about going Sybil or “Three Eve”. I don’t appreciate being handled with kid gloves. I’d like for nothing at all to change but I tell ya, I worry it will. Maybe you realized when we first met there was something a little “different” about me. Maybe like UK you picked up the multiple personality disorder and I don’t hide it as well as I use to. I hope that switching while dancing with Sis wasn’t offensive. Continue reading ‘Now That She Knows’
Daily Archive for October 15th, 2007
Pay attention to Renea and Milwaukee, we don’t want to lose Renea. Milwaukee is feeling the strain of losing Blossom. Renea is crying a lot. I can hear her. We need to give them some time out to hang and just be. They need an outlet. Even though we are working on our stuff individually we need to stop for a second and help each other through their stuff. It’s been known to the group that when the littles do well the rest of us do well. We need to pay attention to these particular little ones.
The body needs to be in bed by 2am and up by 9am, no if ands or buts about it. You need to work within those hours, figure out how to do it. If we aren’t getting enough sleep then go to bed earlier than 2am but please be up at 9am. Sleeping all day long, not showering, it’s not going to fly. You know how to take care of yourselves and I need each of you to do the job you were given to do.
I got a call from Holiday asking if I’d like to go out with her and Sis to an old hang out. The bar doesn’t open until 9pm and closes at midnight on Sundays. I figured they weren’t coming until 9:30PM which would put us there at about 10 to 10:15PM. I thought it would be fine to go because I wouldn’t be there that long. Heck, I can stay out that long. Tonight was open mic night so they had dancers, singers and inspirational speakers. Most performers were pretty good. There were two I was embarrassed for but other than that they were really good. At the end everyone got up and danced. We only had about 30 min after open mic to dance which was fine cause my body isn’t up to what I use to be able to do. So, the three of us danced as a group and had quite a bit of fun. Only once did we switch. We were on the dance floor and out pops the very straight Maureen who happened to be dancing with a girl that wasn’t all that shy about the whole bump and grind thing. She didn’t freak out or anything. Maureen popped out for a few minutes and wasn’t really sure where she was. I remember her saying inside, “What am I doing here?” I came right back out after that. I’m not sure why I left but I did. It was hard to stay out after that so I excused myself for fresh air and went outside. Shortly after Holiday and Sis came out and we went home. Out at 9:30PM home by 12:30AM.
The bouncer recognized me from years ago. I couldn’t believe it! I hadn’t been there since I was with Columbia. We were there a lot I have to admit but dang I didn’t expect him or anyone else to remember me. I met a lady that I’d love to photograph. She’s very dark skinned, has an African look to her. I gave her my card and told her I’d like to paint her portrait. She said she’d give me a call the beginning of next month because for the rest of this month she needs to focus on her mother’s 87th birthday party. I got her number too because I really want to paint her. She has striking features.
Even though we had fun we feel bad. It’s almost as if we aren’t supposed to have fun or something. Then we got to thinking about how for a few hours we watched people perform, watched them dance and sing and it didn’t matter who we were. We were with friends and nobody cared if I was Joan or Maureen or anyone at all. They wanted to go out and dance and sit and joke around and just be. So for right now I’m going to accept that I let myself just be. I don’t feel like going into feeling bad about it now. I just want to remember that for a few hours I went out and hung with friends. That’s good enough for today. I don’t need to do a friggin therapy session over it now. I can do that tomorrow. For right now, I’ll remember singers, good and bad, dancer, good and bad and one girl who was very agile and one lady that I really hope I get to paint.
Out With Friends-Monday, October 15, 2007-2:25AM EST
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