I got a call from Holiday asking if I’d like to go out with her and Sis to an old hang out. The bar doesn’t open until 9pm and closes at midnight on Sundays. I figured they weren’t coming until 9:30PM which would put us there at about 10 to 10:15PM. I thought it would be fine to go because I wouldn’t be there that long. Heck, I can stay out that long. Tonight was open mic night so they had dancers, singers and inspirational speakers. Most performers were pretty good. There were two I was embarrassed for but other than that they were really good. At the end everyone got up and danced. We only had about 30 min after open mic to dance which was fine cause my body isn’t up to what I use to be able to do. So, the three of us danced as a group and had quite a bit of fun. Only once did we switch. We were on the dance floor and out pops the very straight Maureen who happened to be dancing with a girl that wasn’t all that shy about the whole bump and grind thing. She didn’t freak out or anything. Maureen popped out for a few minutes and wasn’t really sure where she was. I remember her saying inside, “What am I doing here?” I came right back out after that. I’m not sure why I left but I did. It was hard to stay out after that so I excused myself for fresh air and went outside. Shortly after Holiday and Sis came out and we went home. Out at 9:30PM home by 12:30AM.
The bouncer recognized me from years ago. I couldn’t believe it! I hadn’t been there since I was with Columbia. We were there a lot I have to admit but dang I didn’t expect him or anyone else to remember me. I met a lady that I’d love to photograph. She’s very dark skinned, has an African look to her. I gave her my card and told her I’d like to paint her portrait. She said she’d give me a call the beginning of next month because for the rest of this month she needs to focus on her mother’s 87th birthday party. I got her number too because I really want to paint her. She has striking features.
Even though we had fun we feel bad. It’s almost as if we aren’t supposed to have fun or something. Then we got to thinking about how for a few hours we watched people perform, watched them dance and sing and it didn’t matter who we were. We were with friends and nobody cared if I was Joan or Maureen or anyone at all. They wanted to go out and dance and sit and joke around and just be. So for right now I’m going to accept that I let myself just be. I don’t feel like going into feeling bad about it now. I just want to remember that for a few hours I went out and hung with friends. That’s good enough for today. I don’t need to do a friggin therapy session over it now. I can do that tomorrow. For right now, I’ll remember singers, good and bad, dancer, good and bad and one girl who was very agile and one lady that I really hope I get to paint.
Out With Friends-Monday, October 15, 2007-2:25AM EST
I’m glad for you that you got to go out and have fun. I struggle too with feeling bad after having a good time but you’re right, you don’t have to do a therapy session about it. Sometimes it’s hard to give ourselves permission to simply be, to just hang out like everyone else–but we so need to do this from time to time.
I hope you do get to paint that woman’s portrait; I’d be interested in seeing the results.