I’m Prettier Than You

I’m thinner; as a matter of fact I’m pretty and other “females” hate me because of it. Back when I was thin and my hair was long I, blah, blah, blah. Women go on and on about appearance. Why? Why do we do it, especially when it comes to hair? They go on about the colour, the length, if it’s full or thin and how it was when they were a child. Women draw lines between good and bad hair as if somehow being on one side of the line means you’re socially acceptable. My hair is the shortest it’s ever been. My hair is bone straight. Your hair is nappy. You have “good” hair. I have bad hair because it’s not this or that. Attention to hair and weight seems endless. (Oh, and there’s the ever offensive comment, “You have a pretty face,” meaning, “You’re fat but your face is pretty despite your obese body.”)

It’s hard to find a spot where you feel good about yourself when others constantly tell you what pretty is and what it isn’t. Then of course there’s the whole debate about levels of beauty. My hair is naturally blonde but not dishwater blonde. There’s a difference ya know? There’s strawberry blonde, dirty blonde, sandy brown, trailer park blonde and every other distinction to point out where they are on the hierarchy of blondness. They’ll go into detail about how many strands of blonde were mixed in with lighter shades of brown until you reply that you were born with nearly snow white hair which trumps her late life stages of blonde. (Austin turns and gags) Cause you know someone has to win the argument about who was more beautiful. No, I don’t have anything against blonde people. My point is that people make such a fuss over how blonde they are or were as if it secures them a spot in the “beauty zone.” My point is that people go on and on about what colour of blonde they were or are because the shade often determines where they are on the scale of beautiful. Do I dislike blondes? That has nothing to do with it.

I’m so pissed I can’t even go on cause I don’t want to give the impression that I hate blondes or something. My point is hierarchy and how women draw lines between what is beautiful and what is not so much so that they get detailed about shades. I’m commenting on shades of beauty and the example of blonde seems to fit best.

I’m pissed right now because of what someone said about my hair and about what I’m constantly hearing other women say about themselves and other women. It seems another distinction between colour, straight, curly, good and bad has been drawn. I find myself on the other side of the line (again), and that really pisses me off. I had a whole rant/rave I was going to go into about how we, (all women of ever colour) draw lines that mark us as better than one another. But I’m just a bit too pissed to finish which means this entry is going to end unedited and rather choppy.

Two nights ago someone said to me, “Your hair is thin but some people would think that’s a blessing.” WTF??? My reply? “And those people would be bald people.” If it wasn’t bad enough that she said this two nights ago she had to add more insult by bringing it up again today. Why does she feel the need to point out that my hair is thin? For the same reason she constantly brings up that her hair is thick even though it’s shorter than it’s ever been in her whole life (as she constantly remarks). She’s insecure. She’s insecure about her looks, about her education and her financial status in life because someone else told her which side of the line she should be on. Since she doesn’t feel she lives up to what is acceptable she has to puff herself up so that others don’t notice her shortcomings. She’s insecure because she knows certain things pass as beautiful and certain things do not. She wants to be on the right side of the beauty zone even if it means pushing others outside it. If I don’t comment on her appearance she brings it up for fear I’ve overlooked it, for fear I don’t see her as worthwhile. I’ll have to remember the next time I see her to tell her how expensive her clothes look and how her thick hair is done up nicely even though it’s short.

I’m shutting up. I’m not a happy camper right now. I think I’ll take my thin haired fat self and find a “female” to trump. This is ridiculous but I’m still better than “you”. Absolute insanity!!! Why are people so dang on mean? I was going to explain why I think women do this to one another but it’s not coming out right. I’ll have to take a deep breath and try later.

J of A

I’m Prettier Than You
Tuesday, October 30, 2007-7:37PM EST