Daily Archive for November 5th, 2007

We went over the Kroger’s thing and about how that was the second time the mother left for several days. The first she left because she said if she didn’t she’d strangle me to death. I told her she could leave but she wasn’t getting the money, she’d leave without her purse, her check book and the bank card. She walked away, walked down the street in the middle of the night. The sister was crying at the window telling me it was my fault she left. I told her not to worry about it, we’d deal with it in the morning, go to bed, blah, blah, blah. She did. The mother came back a few days later as if nothing happened. Basically the same thing as the Kroger experience only with Kroger I would have held guilt over my head that it was me that killed her. Driving her away is one thing but feeling like you caused your mom to kill herself is a totally different thing. We talked about reactions to the mother coming home in the 4^th grade. We all acted like nothing was wrong. Nobody skipped a beat, the same as in when she did that in the 10^th grade with the Kroger’s thing. Nobody skipped a beat. I didn’t even try to process that I may have killed my mother. I felt rather let down when she walked in the house. There may have been a sigh of relief OR maybe I still believed she wasn’t capable of dying. The reason I didn’t go through with trying to kill her as a child was because I feared missing and I worried she wasn’t capable of dying. She’d come back, eventually, when I got comfortable she’d come back. I’d say with the Kroger’s thing I was torn, confused- there was fear, shame, anger and disappointment. Crazy days.

Continue reading ‘Session Review’