My therapist called me back and we spoke for about 30 min. He asked if I wanted to come in that day. I said No and I don’t plan on coming in on Monday either. I need a breather cause therapy is hard right now. I felt like I needed to step back in order to have the energy to keep going forward so I wanted Monday off. He said to keep my options open until Monday and if I wanted to cancel then I could with no charge. I told him when I say I’m coming in I’m coming in, if I say I’m not I’m not. He still said, leave it open so I dropped it……. all the while knowing I’m not coming in. I told you that damn it….. but there’s no sense in arguing about it. Later that day I talked to someone who gave me a tad bit of insight into what I told him. I basically said to Dr. D “I’m calling you because I’m suicidal but I’d like to cancel my next appointment.”
I never saw it that way. What I meant was because I’m so overwhelmed I’d like to step back for one session and catch my breath because doing so may help me get off this ledge I feel like jumping over. I didn’t figure in his point of view though. It’s good to know when I need to step back but the way I worded it, when I used the “s” word that changed things. This is why reaching out to friends is helpful, they can give you a different perspective on things. So, even thought I was emphatic about canceling on Monday “man I just said I’m not coming” for the sake of damage control I’ll make my appearance. I’ll take Wednesday off then start back regularly the next Monday. That’s a nice little 4 day week end for me where I can catch my breath and still not appear manipulative.
Destiny
Therapy can sometimes become overwhelming, especially after you’ve revealed or worked on something particularly difficult. Your therapist sounds like a good one who is willing to be flexible. That’s a definite positive.
Been there, done that, got the teeshirt. I don’t know how many times I called Dr. D and told him I wasn’t coming. Somehow he always managed to talk me into coming in.
This shit hurts. It hurts bad. I understand the need to take a break. Any therapist worth his/her salt will understand that.
Thinking of you and worrying about you…
Like katm said, been there done that. Actually mine has a twist. I threaten to go off meds, quit T altogether and go back to numb. Somehow I get talked into continuing on. Taking a break is fine. Your T will understand that. Sounds like you have a good plan to go today and take a break later in the week. I’ll be thinking about you today. You know how to reach me if you need a “live voice” to talk too.
Well, a friend talked some sense in to me with one sentence or I would stick to my word. LOL. I was kinda a smart ass w/ emphasis on the word “said”. i SAID I’m not coming in. Lord. But, I am and Wednesday if off.
Thank you everyone
Austin