Daily Archive for December 17th, 2007

Waiting For The Wind To Change

Published on December 17, 2007 in Art, Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, Morton's Pride, PTSD, Relationships, Soapbox and Therapy. 4 Comments

The problem is that we like Maureen better than we like Robert. Just as when the little boy walked into the cafeteria during a party and everyone left, so all progress stops when Robert is around. Well, not all, he’s productive when it comes to artwork. At least his artwork sells. The thing is, Maureen we’ve complained about eating frozen meals and left overs. We’ve talked like spoiled brats about how we can’t believe we’ve been reduced to potato flakes and TV dinners. The truth is, it’s not the good food we miss, it’s the fact that we know Maureen love us and that’s why she does what she does. That’s why she’s the picture perfect black version of Mrs. Cleaver. She cooks and cleans like nobody’s business. Her attention to detail for us means she cares.

Going out to dinner, having a table a hundred others have eaten from meant nothing to us as a child. who cares if the places were expensive. Who cares? There was nothing special about it. That table belonged to everyone and no one, the same as us. Continue reading ‘Waiting For The Wind To Change’

Who Me?

Published on December 17, 2007 in Borderline Personality Disorder, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Mental Health, Relationships, Soapbox and Therapy. 1 Comment

Soft spoken, shy, who me, Joan? Um, no, not me but that’s what Dr. D asked me today. Hmm. I wonder how he wasn’t able to tell the difference between me and Maureen. He says he knows Robert because Robert is cocky. We laughed. Yeah, he can be, nothing to argue there. When he asks who he’s talking to we stumble, stutter, we switch a good three times before getting back to the original person the question was directed at. It feels so fake, like I’m lying when I say, “I’m Joan” yet I can say the names of everyone in this system and see them just as real as anything, but me? Well, not me, not real. If you ask Maureen to say her name out loud she’ll do the same thing, stumble, stutter and feel like a fake, a liar, a pretender. Continue reading ‘Who Me?’

Dreams: Shirtless and Shoes

Published on December 17, 2007 in Dream Therapy, Dreams, Relationships and Therapy. 0 Comments

Stuff in last nights dream: a little duck in the throat of his mother looking out through skin thin. He could breathe; he was okay, just looking out. When she sensed danger she squawked then swam away.

In the same dream I was in the cafeteria of one of my elementary schools. It was after hours. There was a party being hosted by a student. No faculty was around. When a small blonde boy walked in the student announced that he was bad news and the party was over. The boy was all of 8 years old and had no clue why the room cleared just because he walked in. (I see connections to our Robert in this part.) It seems that we as a system stop functioning, scatter when he’s around. He has a clue though and it makes him feel horrible. The boy in the dream grabbed a sleeping bag and put up a tent right there in the cafeteria. Everyone was gone but me and him. I slept in my own tent in my own bag across the room, watching him curiously. Continue reading ‘Dreams: Shirtless and Shoes’