There are many types of disclaimers and prefaces. People use them to let the hearer know certain information is to be taken as is or should only be used in a certain way. In general a disclaimer is used as a protection from others (a shield from law suits) and a preface to explain and ward off confusion. When it comes to explaining myself in speech and sometimes when writing on the blog I’ll give a disclaimer, not for the protection of others but to shield myself from the hearers reaction.
When I give a disclaimer but especially when I begin to over justify how I feel it’s so that the reader/hearer understands what I say has to do with me and not them so they shouldn’t take it personally and go off on me. I’m trying to protect myself from possible taunting, mocking and name calling. If I can explain things well enough then maybe the other person will understand. With that understanding maybe they’ll find it in their heart not to sucker punch me.
The issue of being afraid to open up because of possible fall out has been a therapy topic for the last month. In life off the net I tend to limit personal information but when I feel like I need to express myself I do but not without a lot anxiety so I add disclaimers and other forms of justification. When the therapist and the person giving the test asked: “Do you worry about giving too much information to close friends because they might use that information against you?” I thought to myself, “Am I being asked if I’m paranoid?” Of course no one wants to be labeled paranoid so I stumbled over the question but still answered truthfully. Yes, I worry about it, a lot.
I don’t think anyone out there reading this who knows my blog would be too surprised to hear that this too is a mother issue. When it comes to abuse the woman covered all her bases. Disclaimer - justification: After I wrote that my first thought was, I should add that not everything is a mother issue just in case someone out there is concerned that I blame each and every one of my problems on my mother. No, I don’t but the ones that belong to her I rightly blame on her. And this is certainly a mother issue. Whenever anyone, not just me made a statement about likes and dislikes or opened up to the mother she told me she made a mental note of it because she might need that information later. Whenever she had a heart to heart with me or my sister and found out something she didn’t know she said, “I’ll make mental note. I might need this later.” There was always a sting after that statement like, dang it I trusted her again. I can’t believe I let my guard down. Now she’s going to come back and do something to me based on information I gave her. She wasn’t ever clear on why she needed that information for later, that was left up to the hearer to worry about. What I told her or what my sister told her did later come back to bite us in some way so I tried to stay on guard and recognize when she was sweet talking me and pumping me for info on myself or on my sister. I was successful most of the time but being on guard against it was another thing to worry about and look out for. I didn’t just have to worry about her hurting me physically or sexually but also mentally.
In my quest to be more trusting and not see every person as my mother I’ve opened up a bit but not without the same fear that it’ll all come back to bit me. Just as I did when I was little and in my young adulthood I set up a plan. I’ve got a little shield that helps me ward off potential blows. Disclaimers and justifications are my protection as I move through the battlefield to a safer form of trust.
If anyone ever wonders why a person can’t just get over abuse its because abusers are thorough. They didn’t just touch the body, they touched the mind. They touched it, squeezed it and held on with no intension of letting go.
Austin’s August
Disclaimer Preface Justification-Sunday, December 23, 2007-1:12PM EST
I’m sorry that you’re worried about someone taking potshots at you here. It’s hard enough opening up without worrying that someone will criticize.
Just know that anyone who does that is dealing with their own issues. Anyone who is supportive would not do such a thing. And anyone who isn’t supportive is not some one who’s opinions I would value anyway. I’ve learned over the years to tune out that kind of information, it is toxic. I hope the day comes when you can identify what is toxic to you and be able to tune it out and not let it harm you.