I jokingly said that I hoped a friend of mine survived Christmas because she’s had some major stuff pop up during the last few holidays. She had the water heater go out, the next major holiday the stove went out. Christmas Eve her oldest brother died. I was shocked when I got the call….absolutely shocked. What shocks me more is the amount of pressure on her to keep her family together, to console a widow, brothers and sisters, write a eulogy and attend a funeral. It’s crazy the amount of pressure on her to keep her family moving. They’re a large family, all well employed, all successful as the world defines it but only one person keeps that family running. They depend on her for everything and she serves them unwaveringly. I wonder if anyone in the family has asked her how she’s doing or told her how sorry they are for her loss? I wonder if they all just lean on her for support, for meals, for laundry, for everything and look over the fact that she herself is one person caring for a multitude? It is amazing how people forget her needs. Someone else may buy the bread but it is her that puts the butter on it and it’s her that warms it and sets it on the table and makes sure it goes down just right. How one can be taken for granted at that level is simply mind blowing.
Did anyone for one second ask her if she wanted to be the one in charge of all of this or ask her if she had the physical and emotional strength to head a family perfectly capable of pulling together and doling out responsibility? Do you someone in your family that fits the description above? Someone who holds so much responsibility across at least 2 states? When does she ever get to rest? Truly, when does she get to rest before you need her to do something else, put out another fire, coddle you when you just don’t feel like taking responsibility for your own life? It amazes me how much people can take, rob, then find fault when you have nothing left to give.
She’s another person I’d get on a plane for just to sit beside her and chat. Hell, I do not fly but I’d get on a plane and I go down there. If it were possible at all I sure as heck would do it. For now phone calls will have to be enough.
Austin
I know how to do that role. That’s what I did in my family of origin and when I quit doing it one of my other siblings stepped right up into my place and took over, of course, trashing me all the time about what a terrible daughter and sister I was. Dysfunctional families are like that.
It’s sad really….. She says the same thing, she gets a guilt trip when she tries to tell them no. How anyone could use such a good heart is beyond me. But you know what? They don’t even see it? They don’t even get that they put so much on her. How can a crowd be so blind to her needs and so careless with the one that keeps them all together? I just don’t get it. I’m trying not to even think on that too hard. I throws me. It really does.
Tx for your comments
Austin