In the dream about Blossom I think both people are me. First of all she’d never walk into the room and touch me while I was sleeping and 9 times out of 10 she wouldn’t initiate sex. That was another thing I was responsible for handling and deciding. I gather from the dream that I had the ability to protect myself from myself. I, in the form of Blossom, leaned over and said, “Do you plan on hurting me?” to which I replied, “Yes.” (More accurately, “No, but Robert does.) I think I understood I need protection from myself and that I’m willing to walk away from hurt. I, in the form of Blossom said, “Then you can’t have me.” I, in the form of Blossom, turned around and left. I recognize the threat I am to myself but I also recognize that I’m able to make the decision to not hurt myself especially in relationships. I have the understanding that things are emotionally safe for me and I have to the ability to walk away, just like I did in the dream. All the behaviors of the person in the form of Blossom pointed to her symbolizing me. Blossom does not exhibit the personal concern or inner strength to walk away from a relationship or say, “You can’t hurt me.” She doesn’t have the inner strength to decide when she’s had enough. She also would not simply offer support and understanding so freely. In the dream she was sensual, caring, loving, all without prompting. That’s not something Blossom would do. She needs prompting and validation the entire time. This is why I think in that dream she was symbolized me.
The dream started off with me sleeping, facing a mirrored wall designed to allow me to look over my shoulder without actually turning around. I slept with my back to the door. She walked into the room and I felt over my head this weight, a warmth, a safe, held feeling. It wasn’t the pressure of her body. It was more like a thick warm and secure blanket. I just laid there and took in the warmth. I then felt her hair fall over my face. I turned over facing her. When I turned she scooted back and was half way on the floor and half way on the bed. She’s touching me now. I was okay with it, invited it actually. She then looked up at me and asked if I planned on hurting her. “No, but Robert does.” She said, “You can’t have me then” and left the room. I rolled back over and faced the mirrored wall designed to help me see over my shoulder. I was awake for just a few seconds the fell back to sleep. Blossom left. When I finally got up out of bed I went into the living room to find a 24 pack of Coke in the middle of the floor. Most of the Coke was gone but a few cans were left plus a jar of peanut butter, some Triskets and a few other items she likes to snack on. I knew that she’d be back to test the waters again. She said she was leaving but what she left behind (her comfort foods) meant she was coming back.
That part of the dream I have no real insight on. But I’m pretty sure the person that came in the room and the person in bed both symbolize me. I know I possess the ability to destroy myself but I also know I posses the strength to protect myself, to stand up and say “You can’t have me.” No, you can’t just hurt me. You can’t exhaust me until I have nothing left for you or me. And I can’t do this to myself or allow myself to be exhausted to the point of having nothing left for me or anyone else. If I won’t allow anyone else to do that to me why would I do this to myself? I can’t stand by and watch myself go on a collision course and simply let it happen. I have the ability to take the wheel. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. I’m thinking there will be temptations along the line but I believe in my heart that there is more to life than temporary pleasures and giving in to such temptations. I believe the bigger picture should be considered. The bigger picture is safety and personal responsibility for the steps I take. If I decide on a collision course who should I blame but me? My wheel. My car. My destiny. I choose to drive instead of ride.
I’m sure this sounds like a bunch of babble for those who have no idea what I’m talking about. There’s a lot going on in my head right now so this might be kind of rambling and seem out of the blue. Sorry for that.
I had 2 hours of sleep before a seriously hard therapy session. I have to get some sleep. I’m getting rather tired of the vomiting response after hard sessions. I’m about to call it a day though. I’d had enough, done enough. I’m going to sleep.
Me
Protection From Myself
Monday, January 14, 2008-8:05PM EST
I think you are right about the symbolism. And I think you get to take credit for it…like my old therapist always used to give me credit for my progress in dreams. It shows a lot of awareness and insight at the very least. Stay safe, my friend.