When I call you I hope you’re up to what I have to say. When I pick up the phone you better be ready to take on any anger I spill forth. It may have nothing to do with you or anyone you ever knew but you’ll feel it. For a few seconds I won’t consider where you are in your life or how you’ll feel about my words. I just plan to lay it all out, get all this pent up anger off my chest. I don’t care if you’re ready, I don’t care if you can take it. I want what I want. I want to scream. Continue reading ‘This Isn’t About You’
Monthly Archive for January, 2008
Page 2 of 5
Here in your light
Where you took me from her
You swear her grasp will mean nothing, but
I find no grounds for this claim on hope
When day has failed to break the night or
Immobilize its forces and stall its return.
I find no refuge from past days in silenced light.
No quiet, only voices that haunt.
No streams rushing in with waves of peace.
Only wreckage from ships long lost.
Each wave crashes one against the other,
Insistent that it find me first.
Impatient with thirst for assault
Always unsatisfied with the results.
Like a tidal wave is comes
Bringing stones who befriend stones with spiny little things
To compete for title “Champion Who Taunts Thy Soul”.
Hard, fast, angry and hungry,
It never seems to tire.
Surely you will tire, dry up and disappear.
Never will that happen when lakes find their path to rivers
And rivers to the mouth of an unquenchable sea.
Knight in Shining Armor you declared, “The light is on.”
In your victory ride you flaunted the flag of conquest
Having never prepared for the biggest war of all,
Stop the tide,
Calm the sea and
Rescue me from me.
The Rescuers Light (she may be gone but I’m still covered in darkness)
Tuesday, January 22, 2008-10:45PM EST
They say the year 2007 is the year of the re-call. Dole started us off and Mattel ended it for us. Right in the middle was the whole fiasco where Menu Foods knowingly put our pets in danger and Wal-Mart with prior knowledge of the tainted food put Special Kitty on sale. We won’t even go into the flip flops that caused chemical burns or the numerous other immoral business practices they’ve taken on as policy. Nope, let’s not think about that. Let’s think about what might have come from these everyday threats. Prayer. I bet you anything 2007 can be said to be the year of The Recall Prayer. Continue reading ‘Not Dinner As Usual’
My home has always been a sanctuary type place, just like the closets I hid out in as a child. They use to say if you couldn’t find me just start looking in the closet. I spend a lot of time hiding. I spend a lot of time making sure I’m covered from head to toe. I don’t even turn the light on when I use the restroom and I shower in the dark.
I told the driver that despite having a car I’ll still take a cab to therapy. I’m usually pretty good about knowing when to put the keys down. I don’t drive to or from therapy.
We talked about my anniversary coming up and about the days leading up to it. In my head I saw her holding the upper part of my body out of the window. I’m looking down. She’s yelling something but I can’t really hear her. I’m thinking to myself, “This is the last time this is ever going to happen.” Continue reading ‘Closets, Hiding and Ownership’
My, my, my the weather girl wasn’t lying when she said we have an arctic front coming in. It’s bitterly cold in Indy. This means I need to curl up with my trusty pal Captain Crunch and read a book. It means chicken noodle soup, no, no, chicken and dumplings, a good book and lots of heat until this evening anyway. I hope I get to venture out to The 10. It’s been helpful to go out the night before therapy. I usually kind of lose it a bit the night before therapy. Going to open mic night has been a good way to not sit at home getting my butt kicked by anxiety. I hope Holiday and Sis want to go. The 10 opens the mic at 9pm and end at midnight on the dot. Holiday and Sis don’t get here until 10PM at the earliest so it’s usually short and sweet, just enough time to get all 3 of us out of the house for just a bit and enough to distract me about Monday. The performers are usually good and it doesn’t hurt that cover charge is a buck with no requirement to buy a drink. Continue reading ‘Arctic Winds and Bars’
The other day I completed a meme about 25 things I need as a survivor followed by 5 things I want. I filled out the needs part without much thought. I knew the answers to that right off. When it got to the 5 things I want I had a bit of trouble. I listed a game and an art program. I was stunned when I got them as gifts (the art program arrived today). I also listed something rather impractical like trading my left arm for my dog’s health. I then said I wanted to go to
The car is a ’96 Nissan Sentra. This is a web photo here of the kind of car it is with info on it and everything. This is the exact colour.
Never Underestimate The Power of a Wish
-Saturday, January 19, 2008-10:09PM EST
As I looked over my stats and search results I found something interesting. It seems the spelling of one specific word is troublesome for this person also. I almost feel the need to go back and misspell that word just so this person knows he isn’t alone. We have each other, you’re sooo not alone. As far as the person goes with the mammary problem, well you may be on your own but the bad speller and I have each other.
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I am forever doing different versions of my work but this is more than likely the last version of this…but probably not the last time I’ll have someone search for the word “beconning.”
As far as the picture goes, there are drastic changes from the first version. The main change is mood brought by changing colours and texture. Continue reading ‘I’m an Ar-teest’
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