The People Behind My Eyes

Inside A Psych Ward

So why haven’t I gone in the hospital yet? Is it a matter of pride? Do I just think I can do this on my own and keep my head above water? No, it’s cause I think going in is a waste of my time. Going to the psych ward isn’t the same as it was years ago. You don’t go in for months on months, not usually anyway. Even private hospitals are subject to insurance coverage so a person’s stay is limited. With my insurance I’d be there for no longer than 7 days but more than likely 3 to 4. When you show up to the hospital you go through an interview. The person asks you if you’re suicidal. Do you have a plan, how long have you been feeling this way, do you have a therapist, etc. they get up and call the doctor to see if he’s willing to let you stay. Now, this is assuming there’s a bed for you to sleep in. In Indianapolis several psych wards have closed so the chances of finding a place to go are slim. So, assuming I can find a hospital with an available bed I’ll go in and do the first interview, get accepted and then head up stairs so three other people can ask me the same questions the first person asked me. I’ll fill out some paper work and at least 3 hours later I’ll find my way to a room. It’s a room with two beds. I’ll sleep in the same room next to a stranger. We’ll sleep with the lights out and with the doors closed. I’ll be forced to trust that she won’t get up in the middle of the night. Chances are she won’t but my past says she will so I watch her like a hawk. I’ve never ever had problems with a patient doing that before but ya know with PTSD issues I can’t rest knowing someone else is in the room and we’re in the dark and the door is closed.

The next morning I’ll wake up and have a physical exam whether I’m in the right state of mind for one or not. Then I’ll go talk to the pdoc a few hours later. He’ll ask me some of the same questions as the initial inquisition then he’ll give me some medication. I’ll walk out and go into a group where we’ll set goals for the day. It’s routine so nothing really therapeutic will come of it. I’ll go to several groups where the information is the same as it was years ago when I was there. I’ll do that all day long until it’s time to eat. Then we’ll take a break and we’ll do another group. Then we’ll have visitation hours and watch dull television shows until it’s time to go to bed. The next day we’ll get up and do it all over again. I’ll do that for 3 to 4 days. No very helpful. It’s just someplace to sleep until I’m past this whole “I want to die” thing. I just figure it’ll be worse going to the hospital than it will be to stay home because of PTSD issues and because of it’s non-therapeutic set up. Inpatient isn’t for therapy, it’s for stabilization but for me I don’t get stable there.

For those that have never been to a regular inpatient psych hospital you might wonder what it’s like inside. For many psych hospitals you end up staying in a place that looks like a really nice waiting room at an office building. There are sofas to sit on, “lounge” chairs, a large TV, a small eating area and then rooms that line the entire floor. So if you think of a large square waiting room then think of bedrooms that line 3/4th of the room then add a small eating area with a staff station then there’s your typical psych ward set up. Most of the psych wards I’ve been to were carpeted, had windows with curtains or shades in the bedrooms, had a bedspread, floral pictures on the walls and an armoires in the shared bedroom and shared bathroom. Uh huh, you have to share a restroom with someone. Most of the clients are wearing street clothes. The clients themselves are from all walks of life, most will be wearing street clothes. Sometimes the clients wear hospital gowns but most of the time clients are in street clothes that don’t have buckles, belts, laces or sharp objects. You see everyone from housewives to business men to college students and older teens. You see black, white, Asian, Spanish, etc. Most of the psych wards I’ve been to are not full of screaming, drama and upset. They have people like you and me who simply can no longer keep going at the pace they’re going so they choose to seek the safety of uncomfortable conditions for awhile.

The food isn’t that bad either. It’s not choice but it’s not that bad. I’ve been to the hospital in Indiana, Texas, Michigan and Kentucky only once was I in a ward where the floors were tile and the place was all hospital like. I’ve had few really bad experiences but I have had some. I’ve had few therapeutic experiences because as I said going IP (inpatient) is about stabilization not therapy. Unless I go to a center like The Colin A. Ross Institute like I did in Dallas and in Michigan then I can’t really expect to go in there and do major work. I don’t expect it but there have been times when I got it. At the Colin A Ross Institute my group was lucky enough to speak with him and an associate via satellite. His is a very helpful program.

So this is basically a quick over view of what it’s like inside of a typical psych ward and what my personal experiences have been. It also may help to understand why it is I’m not in a rush to uproot myself just yet. If the time comes to do it then I will but I’m going to try my hardest not to go in.

Inside A Psych Ward
Wednesday, February 6, 2008, 6:35 pm

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