The People Behind My Eyes

Yesterday a lady at the hospital decided to tell me all about her bowel surgery. There I was trying to eat my grilled cheese samich and fries while she went on and on about having some sort of sack removed from her crapper. I thought, my gracious I can’t win. Not only did Blossom use to tell me all the dang on time about her crap inability but so do other friends of mine. Well, this complete stranger is going on and on. She wasn’t old. The woman said she’s 45 years old. I was thinking, well, in that time you should have learned that there are some things you talk about with strangers and others you don’t. THIS is one of those subjects. I wanted to suggest she take the Activia Challenge but I was trying not to vomit.

Once Blossom said to me, I’m so tired of being constipated to which I replied, “I’m tired of you being constipated too.” So from now on the friends of mine that insist upon telling me about their bowel issues I just figure to have some sort of control over the situation I’ll start each phone call off with, “Soooo, how’s the crapper?” At least that way we can get the conversation out of the way. I won’t get comfortable then get a sucker punch. The conversation is going well then blam!!!! I’m so constipated! I mean to tell you, I can’t get away from it. People tell me about their poo problems all the damn time as if I give a flying flip. Eat some fiber and leave me alone for the love of Pete. Fiber One, Activia, broccoli, spinach, Metamucil, stool softeners, something but damn…..let me eat my samich in peace, let me call you without hearing about your bowel problems. That’s all I ask. I don’t ask much do I? No, I didn’t think so.

That lady ruined my grilled cheese delight. damn her.

Note: I was grossed out by the stranger and her strict detail about her surgery, even still this entry is written with humor.

UPDATE: Speaking of crap. I have a confession to make. I watch crap TV. I’m addicted to Big Brother. I know. I’ve become shallow. I’m sorry. I also watch more TV than I have ever before. I’m addicted to Survivor, Jericho, Criminal Minds (if I can handle it) and the original CSI as well as Without A Trace. One show I never expected to watch is (drum roll please) Moonlight. In the beginning he said something to the affect of, “I can’t stand the thought of one more person thinking I’m a monster.” I knew from that point I’d watch the show. What I like his is struggle with humanity, fitting in, being seen as bad when inside he’s not. It’s that inner struggle I watch the show for. The story line isn’t good but the concept is. Now, back to Big Brother. I actually ended a phone call the other day because Big Brother was coming on. Parker has a serious attitude problem and Jen, hot though she may be is just as shallow as can be. I know…it’s sad. Good thing I have therapy today. I might be able to get some of my depth back.