The People Behind My Eyes

You shouldn’t have to die to be safe……

Several days ago a man called 911 to report a murder-suicide. The police showed up to find that he had killed his wife, his 14 year old child and finally himself. The police said this is the second time in 2 months that the city has dealt with the murder of a child. Several months before two mothers and their babies were shot and killed by intruders. When I say babies I do mean babies. One child was just shy of 2 years old, the second baby was 4 months old. They both were shot in their mother’s arms. That case had nothing to do with domestic violence but it did have to do with children dying. It’s rather disturbing to say the least.

I went to visit one of my neighbors today whom I haven’t seen in months. When she answered the door she looked pretty good. She looked healthy but physically tired. She was making cheesecakes for work as she told me about being held at knife point by her husband only days ago. She’d come home from work to find the house empty, which she found strange. Her husband was sitting in the living room furious. He accused her of cheating on him and told her he was going to kill her. Evidently a friend stopped by before my neighbor got home and found her husband sitting in the living room with a gun. He said he was tired of his wife cheating and was going to kill her that evening. He sat there with his daughter in the living room, holding the gun, telling the neighbor he was going to kill his wife that evening. The neighbor talked him down, took the gun and the teenage girl and left. That’s when my neighbor got home and the knife incident happened. She said the knife was huge, one she hadn’t seen before, something along the lines of a gutting knife.

I put a tad bit of distance between myself and her, crossed my arms and continued to listen. My body language said, “I’m threatened” but emotionally I was frustrated, angry and felt helpless. She told me he’d been following her to work, talking to her co-workers about who she’s been seeing outside their marriage and calling her 37 times in one day. His obsessive behaviors have increased to an alarming and deadly rate. I asked her if she saw the news the other day. She said she heard about it. I could see by the look in her eyes that it didn’t register that she and her family are next. She said she’d gone looking for apartments but that things had calmed down at home and she’s going to stay. She said it wasn’t as if he would let her leave. She knows he’s going to kill her and she feels powerless to help herself or her children.

I know that feeling of powerlessness in a domestic violence situation. I know what it feels like to be broken, broke and alone so I can’t dismiss how she’s feeling. I guess what angers me so is that living this way is a limited existence. He will kill her. He’s violent enough to do so then he’s left with two children to abuse without her. She says for her the only way out is death, either he’ll kill her or she’ll have to kill herself. Again, what about the children? You’ll get out, through death mind you, but you’ll leave two children behind to grapple the loss of their mother and the loss of a safe childhood. If you feel it’s over for you does that mean it’s over for your kids too? Personally, my child never got a chance because domestic violence took that life. I’d gotten pregnant shortly after our marriage. He beat me so badly that I lost the baby at 3 months. Yet I went back to him 3 times. So I understand being broken and feeling like you have no options. I understand giving excuses, chances and taking risks. I understand being blinded by your situation but most of all I understand loss and murder as it relates to domestic violence. I really do understand but there’s a point when we have to say enough is enough. I only said it after losing a child. I only said it after nearly losing my life.

It took forever it seemed for me to find the strength to leave. I just want so badly for others to not have to wait so long, for others to not have to look death in the eye daily for so long before they themselves find the strength to leave.

I’m afraid for her. I’m angry for her and at her. I’m angry that this man has gotten away with his abuse for so long. I’m angry that his family gives her money to help keep the house running but won’t help her get out of there and leave him. I’m angry that two children know first hand what it feels like to face death and I’m angry that yet another family may find themselves among the rising statistics and casualties of murder-suicide.

Please, if you are in a domestic violence situation take advantage of the resources in your area. Find safety and live.

You shouldn’t have to die to be safe……

Indiana Domestic Violence Help Resources

Julian Center (my salvation) Julian Center, Inc./ Sojourner P.O. Box 88062 Indianapolis IN 46208 Business #: 317-635-4674 Hotline/Crisis: 317-251-7575

Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence Indianapolis IN 46205 (317)543-3908

Breaking Free, Inc. Indianapolis IN 46208 Hotline/Crisis: 317-923-4260

Lists of Abuse and Support Networks

Domestic Abuse Centers

Support Networks & Associations

Protection and Advocacy Services of Indiana 800-622-4845
4701 N Keystone Ave, Ste 222, Indianapolis, IN 46205
info@ipas.state.in.us
www.state.in.us/ipas

Murder – Suicide: Domestic Violence- written Sunday, April 06, 2008-8:50PM EST (this entry is back dated)

domestic violence