I didn’t get to bed until 5am Monday morning. I set my alarm clock for 9am to call the cab company to take me to therapy. Most of the night my back was killing me.
I talked to a friend today who lives half across the country. She was complaining about her lack of sleep. She said she didn’t get to bed until 5am and that she automatically woke at 9am. She said she was in so much pain she couldn’t believe it. Of course I sat silently on the other end of the phone wondering if I should say something. Then I piped up with, “Are you serious?” I told her when I went to bed and what I set my alarm clock for. I then asked her if this is her PMS I’m feeling. If so, damn you woman, damn you!
This sort of thing happens all the time with me and her as well as me and other friends I’m really close with. So this is what I’ve concluded, before I accept new friendships I will have them fill out a questionnaire. It’ll be to protect us both…from each other. They must be able to pass the “pain test” or as I like to say, they must be in compliance with the “Pain Free Friendship Act.”
Do you or have or have you ever had any of the following? Is there a chance you will ever have any of the following?
- Fibromyalgia, Arthritis, Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, etc
- Mania
- Alzheimer’s
- PMS or PMDD
- Irritable Bowel Syndrome
- TMJ
- Gaut
- Angioedema of the Uvula
- Or any other God awful illness not listed above?
If you answer yes to two (2) or more of these questions I apologize but our friendship just isn’t going to work. I’d rather not feel your symptoms even when you live half across the country. I myself have three (3) of the above and may develop angioedema of the uvula again. You don’t want this. Sorry, but we can’t be. We’re no good for each other. Your friendship application has been denied but will be kept on file for 6 months and can only be activated with full medical clearance.
Sincerely,
Could have been friends,
Austin
PS. I wonder if my friend is still up? Is there such a thing as the “Pain Free Friendship Act”? There should be.
Strange Symptoms, Yours or Mine?-Tuesday, March 18, 2008-1:47AM EST
Wow, thank goodness we became friends before you started the whole questionaire thing! I never would have qualified.
See, you fall under the grandfather clause
The Pain Free Friendship Act didn’t’ pass until one sleepless night in March of 2008. Anything before that night falls under the grandfather clause.
Austin
Hmmm…I deal with IBS and have dealt with PMS/PMDD, but no longer have the necessary “equipment” to be “PM-anything”, and when the “equipment” was taken, the hormones necessary went with it! I tried to make that as vaguely clear as possible. Anyway, since I HAD two but now only have one thing on your list, can my application be approved? Oh, I suppose I should mention that I also have diabetes and asthma, do those count as other God awful illnesses?
I have had to make my blog private and am sending you an invitation to your email that is your “contact me” addy.
Fallen Angels,
You’re under the grandfather clause as well.
I was just at your blog yesterday and realized it had gone private. The contact me addy is the right one.
Austin