Monthly Archive for March, 2008

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Dream Therapy: Uprooted Trees Commentary

Published on March 20, 2008 in Dream Therapy, Dreams, Mental Health, PTSD, Segments and Therapy. 0 Comments

Recurrent themes: Seeing a crime that never gets taken seriously and therefore never solved or given the justice it deserves. In the middle of a serious situation the mother behaves contrary to reason. Usually when a baby has road burn you don’t decide to go to dinner. At the restaurant I didn’t join everyone at the table. I went off to do my own thing.

Of interest: The tree that trunk and the steam, how deep the roots went, the knot in the shape of the fist, the fact that the mother was unable to hold the fist because it was too heavy. Concern for my safety from the boy I made stop hurting his peer.

Commentary: The dream seems typical of what I always dream. Children are being hurt, no one is listening, the mother behaves irrationally, I go off to do my own thing and absolutely nothing is resolved. The one thing that stands out in this dream is the lack of power the mother had over the tree. Continue reading ‘Dream Therapy: Uprooted Trees Commentary’

I Feel

Published on March 18, 2008 in Abuse, Depression, PTSD, Relationships, Soapbox and Therapy. 2 Comments

Best Face ForwardAngry Alone
Invisible Insignificant
Abandoned Foolish
Fake Afraid
Agitated Worried
Regret Shame
Rejected Mournful
Addicted Plagued
Evil Wicked
Sick Worthless
Crazy Broken
Disgusted Lost

Feelings List Link

Strange Symptoms, Yours or Mine?

Published on March 18, 2008 in For the Record, Humor and Medical. 4 Comments

I didn’t get to bed until 5am Monday morning. I set my alarm clock for 9am to call the cab company to take me to therapy. Most of the night my back was killing me.

I talked to a friend today who lives half across the country. She was complaining about her lack of sleep. She said she didn’t get to bed until 5am and that she automatically woke at 9am. She said she was in so much pain she couldn’t believe it. Of course I sat silently on the other end of the phone wondering if I should say something. Then I piped up with, “Are you serious?” I told her when I went to bed and what I set my alarm clock for. I then asked her if this is her PMS I’m feeling. If so, damn you woman, damn you!

This sort of thing happens all the time with me and her as well as me and other friends I’m really close with. So this is what I’ve concluded, before I accept new friendships I will have them fill out a questionnaire. It’ll be to protect us both…from each other. They must be able to pass the “pain test” or as I like to say, they must be in compliance with the “Pain Free Friendship Act.”

Do you or have or have you ever had any of the following? Is there a chance you will ever have any of the following? Continue reading ‘Strange Symptoms, Yours or Mine?’

Men vs. Women Part 1 of 2

Published on March 18, 2008 in Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, Female Sadist, Mental Health, PTSD, Relationships, Segments and Soapbox. 0 Comments

The subject has come up several times in the last week on blogs that I visit. It also came up in therapy Monday so I figured I’d go ahead and put some thoughts down on paper, mostly in jumbled format. First of all, Dr. D and I discussed gender confusing messages that I got from my mother. We talked about how she kept asking me if I was a little boy and if I thought I was a little boy, are you gay, all of that since I was very little….like around age 4 until I was a grown woman. Of course there’s the sexual abuse from her, the sister and two males but what was most confusing for me was the mother and sister. I was raised to believe that men are bad and little boys are nasty. So when my mother asked me if I was a little boy or if I wanted to be a little boy she pretty much asked me if I was the very thing or wanted to be the very thing she despised. But it occurred to me early on that the safest sex to be was male. I figured that being a girl made me a sitting duck, a target. I thought being a girl was part of why I was being abused so often and by so many. I figured if I were a boy life would be easier because I figured they’re despised, disliked and therefore left alone. But that wasn’t true either because I had a brother and a male cousin who were abused. In my mind though, girl equaled hurt and boy equaled hated but safer.

Continue reading ‘Men vs. Women Part 1 of 2′

Men vs. Women Part 2 of 2

Published on March 18, 2008 in Abuse, Borderline Personality Disorder, Mental Health, PTSD, Relationships, Segments and Soapbox. 0 Comments

see Men vs. Women Part 1 of 2

My distrust for women is more specific than it use to be. Before a heck of a lot of growing up and observing and seeing most people as individuals I lumped all women together. I trusted them only when necessary and that wasn’t often. To be more specific about my level of trust, I distrusted black women more than I did any other race of women but white women followed very closely behind them. Since my main abusers are black females (two sexually abusive and the rest emotionally, physically and spiritually abusive) then it makes sense that my first fear is black women. On this very subject I explained to a friend that we as humans see with limited sight. When we’re hurt by a person we don’t see them as an individual we see their race and their gender, their height, hair colour, ect and we connect everyone with those same characteristics with the one that hurt us. It’s not that we want to dislike people that look like the one that abused us; it’s just a natural human thing. We reduce people to what they look like. So that’s what happened, I didn’t trust women because I was abused mainly by women. And I nearly hated black women because the women that abused me are black. How on earth does one come to grips with the fact that they hate the very gender and race that they are and how does that person get to a comfort level in their own skin?

Continue reading ‘Men vs. Women Part 2 of 2′

Pain

Published on March 17, 2008 in Abuse, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Female Sadist, PTSD, Relationships and Therapy. 1 Comment

It was an ugly session. We first discussed how it is that Blossom seemed to put me in a “male role” when we were together. We talked about the sister’s abuse and how I was to pretend to be her husband, another “male role” played by me. We talked about how Blossom may be the worst lesbian in lesbian history because of her lack of understanding that we do not have to play parts, we can just be two girls. There was so much confusion in my head trying to separate her actions from my sister’s actions, trying to stay an adult and separate then from now. I tried to explain to Blossom that referring to sex as “play” is rather disturbing to me. So we talked about that. I failed to mention that Blossom kept calling me “kiddo” and used the phrase “Mommy that feels good” despite knowing why that phrase disturbs me so. He knows the part about the phrase but I didn’t say the part about her calling me “kiddo” and her referring to sex as “play.” Continue reading ‘Pain’

Sundrip News

Published on March 17, 2008 in Art. 0 Comments


I just put the original of Huggable up for sale a short while ago and he got snatched up already. How cool is that?

I personally like the original version of Huggable better than the digitally enhanced version so I’m probably going to redo it to make it closer to the original or simply provide prints of the original instead of enhancing it via photoshop. Who knows.

Also in Sundrip news, there are a few new art pieces. Because of the new art pieces a 4th gallery has been opened which includes Birth, Night Gaze and a few others so be sure to check them out.

Sundrip.com

Where you’ll find detailed views of art work as well as commentary, poetry and creative writing and of course art galleries.

Art Galleries

Gallery 1
Gallery 2
Gallery 3
Gallery 4
Postcard Gallery

Shop

Fine art prints available through the Sundrip galleries and can be purchased with a verified PayPal address. When purchasing prints from Sundrip.com the print will arrive signed, dated and in a protective sleeve.

You can also purchase prints from my Redbubble site. Prints on Redbubble can be purchased in small to poster size prints as well as laminated, framed and/or mounted. Please contact me with any questions.

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That’s it for updates and news,
Austin