My regular cab driver didn’t show but it let me have a conversation with a different cabby, a conversation I’m rather passionate about. He told me how his ex-wife was extremely jealous and that she would go through his pockets to see if he had a girl’s phone number. If she found a phone number she’d call the girl and give her grief. This is my thing, why call the girl? Why skip over the main problem, your partner, and go for the other woman? That makes no sense to me. I say put blame where it belongs. If your partner wasn’t a cheat you wouldn’t have to deal with phone numbers from Lynda or Sheila or Susie Q So-Special.
He said if he came home late she was at the door ready to tell him off. I told him that’s the difference between me and other people. If my partner decides she’s going to come home excessively late repeatedly I’m going to ask what’s going on but I’m not staying up to greet her at the door. Nope, I need my rest so I can skillfully tear her a new one. I can’t do that sleep deprived.
If she decides that she’s going to stay out late all the time and I have no real clue as to what she’s doing she can fully expect me to ask some questions but not as soon as she walks in the door. Where have you been? Who were you with? Were you drinking? Oh hell no, those questions I don’t even need to ask. I should be able to trust that she’s doing right. When her normal pattern of behavior changes we’ll discuss it but without the 3am feline pounce. To me that makes no sense. Why stay up all night losing sleep over someone whose a cheat? Heck, I’ll stay up to pack her shit and sit it on the doorstep but I’m not going to stay up mad, fuming, pacing the floors, cursing and ready to pounce when she walks through the door. Give me a break. Not going to happen. If there’s any pouncing to do I’ll need my rest. I may even go to bed early so I can pounce hard and fast but I’ll be damned if I stay up all night and I’ll be damned if I go looking through pockets to for numbers to “strays.” Even more unlikely is me going out to look for her or calling around to look for her. Not gonna happen. My theory has always been, I don’t beg and I don’t chase but most of all, I don’t take leftovers.
If you can’t stay true then please expect your shit to be on the porch when you drag your scraggly ass home.
Interesting is that I had this conversation BEFORE my therapy session on my submissive behaviors in relationships.
That’s all the rant/rave I have today.
Joan of Arc – rarely the alpha cat but sometimes the claws just have to come out
Your Shit’s On the Porch
Thursday, April 03, 2008-3:54PM EST
Ok, so I have to admit, I feel the same way as you here. I’m not in the least bit worried about a relationship that isn’t steadfast. I don’t have time for that. If the partner can’t stay steadfast, then I’ll just pack their things and put them on the front porch and change the locks. I am to busy and have to much to do to fuss with that.
I agree about the whole calling the person your partner is cheating with issue. They’re kind of beside the point; it’s your partner who decided to stray and if it hadn’t been with that person, it would have been with another.
I’ve done all the staying up late/emotional hand wringing, going through the pockets nonsense, back when I was in my 20’s and 30’s. I can’t imagine doing any of that now. If you have to keep tabs on someone why bother being with them? Some people need that drama in their relationships, in a warped way it makes them feel loved when their jealousy is aroused. I probably fed off of that kind of drama “back in the day” but now I’m just tired. OK, also I’m not involved with anyone–but did you have to point that out so snidely?
ala Eryka Badu “Call Tyrone”
Yup. You better call Tyrone! LOL I thought of it but I wasn’t sure how many people knew the song so I didn’t cite it. LOL
Austin
Woo! Great post! Kick ass Joan of Arc!
People put up with the damndest things in relationships. I wonder if it is fear of being alone, or fear of being an old maid, or if it really is some kind of strange devotion to the other person? It never has made a lot of sense to me.