The People Behind My Eyes

A comment came in on Redbubble from a fellow artist who says that my artwork has a sweetness to it and that I must be at peace with the world. I’ve gotten comments like that before, saying that my artwork is joyful. Someone went as far as to call it refreshing. I suppose it’s always confused me that anyone would see such a thing in my art seeing as how I don’t experience a lot of true joy or true peace in the world. I got to thinking about it though and replied to the gentleman that since I don’t find a lot of peace in this what is left to do but create peace through art?

I often paint fantasy worlds with high colour and lots of movement. Paintings like Dreamscape (shown in this entry) Teach Us How To Grow and Looking Forward are good examples of fantasy worlds I’ve painted but they are nothing like my personal world inside. I suppose they are an expression of a world I’d rather see and experience.

Most of my artwork has some touch of my past in it, some issue relating to individuality, rebellion, bucking the system and going outside the norm. I express a fragile state of mind, a humbled existence, fear in the form of colour and silence in the form of dark swirling lines. Unless I specifically said, this means this and this means this no one would ever imagine how much healing work is done in my artwork. It just comes off mostly as joyful and sweet. I don’t begrudge that though.

Even still, everything from Willow Child to Rainbow Child to Longing Flower and even Raindrops has some emotional significance, some healing angle to it. Then there are images where I refuse to pay attention to the normal way of composing an art piece. Images like Face It and Eye Sore are perfect examples of chaos, a clear reflection of life inside my head. Looking at the painting She’s Green depicts just how out of place I feel in the world, how alien-like, how homesick I feel amongst strangers. I’m pleased that people like her and enjoy the colour. I’m pleased that some have said she’s adorable and that I’ve sold a few copies of her. But never have I said until now that she’s green because she’s different, she’s a foreigner and a misfit.

On paper and in Photoshop I can go places in my imagination that I dare not go other times. I’m not too good at fantasizing. I was always told that it’s wrong, that it leads to sexual thoughts which are wrong. So when I hear the word fantasy I feel a slight sting and want to retreat to a reality that I hate.

As a child I was told I was too smart to play as the other children did. I was told I was too smart for TV, too smart for toys, too smart for anything a child does. Children use their imagination but mine was held back or directed and molded according to someone else’s idea of what I should dream. I find it difficult now to day dream or fantasize. But I’m taking chances and choosing when I want reality and when I’d rather slip off into a world of fantasy.

I’m learning to colour outside the lines.

Me
Color Outside The Lines-Sunday, April 06, 2008