The People Behind My Eyes

I’ve been called Little Duck since I was a child. I even use the name on my email address. Although my family called me that in a derogatory way, saying I have lips like a duck, I stuck to the nickname. I stuck to that nickname but abandoned, tossed out, threw away and tried to forget my birth name. Why did I keep Little Duck but legally change my birth name? When I think of a little duck I think of a lovable little animal, something to be concerned about and protected. You’d never want to see a little duck playing in the street or lost from his mother. Seeing a little duck that way would make you want to pick him up and take him to safety, take him home and nurture him then set him free. When I see stuffed bright yellow stuffed animals with big over sized yellow beaks I smile. They’re adorable. So despite the initial slight in calling me Little Duck it turned out to be a heartwarming name for me. So I kept it. I like it but the other name had to go.

I told my therapist that I remember the first time someone called me by my new first name. I got up to walk away when she called out to me. I turned and smiled not just an upturning of lips but a full heart and soul smile. I knew I’d chosen the right name. He asked why I chose the middle name of Magdalene so I explained to him that Mary Magdalene is a wonderful example of hope. Since changing my name was for the purpose of hope it seemed fitting to add her name. I then said, “It would be so wonderful to sit down and have a cup of coffee with Mary Magdalene.” That’s when therapy took a turn, when I felt the most excited and almost giddy that I’ve felt inside a therapy session. Usually it’s emotionally draining but not this subject. We were talking about my favorite sister in the world. What could I feel but encouraged and hopeful?

I’d start out by asking her if when in Jesus Christ’s tomb if she actually believed she could carry his naked body back inside the tomb and re-bury it. For those uncertain of the Biblical account Mary Magdalene found the tomb empty but Jesus’ burial shroud was still there. Mary wept with her back to the entrance of the tomb and didn’t realize that someone had come in behind her. This “Someone” began speaking to her. In her despair she told the “Stranger” that if he knew where they’d taken her Lord to tell her so she could go get him. This meant she’d have to go get a naked male body and carry that naked dead body back to the tomb. Forget all of the culture that seriously condemns this, Mary Magdalene had heart, spirit and devotion that rose above all the cultural restrictions of that time. She wanted her Lord and was willing to go get him. I’d love to know her hindsight thoughts on it.

After a giggle or two I’d ask with all seriousness, “When you lived as a prostitute in poor conditions like other women did, like other women lived and died, did you ever think your life would get better? Did you ever hold out hope for a real future or for happiness?” Mary Magdalene moved beyond a hopeless state, a state many, many died in and grew to a happy, well rounded and highly respected friend of Christ. Does it get any better than that?

I’d ask her too if she minds that I took her name. Dr. D asked what I thought her answer would be. I told him I don’t think she’d mind at all. I took her name to remind me that life can start off in a hopeless state and gradually take you down a path to a meaningful, fulfilling existence. I need that reminder every day because my past is so close to me I need to remember the future isn’t that far off. When I see the name Magdalene I can also see backwards and forwards. Looking backwards into a place where hope died, that’s where I came from. Looking forward is the place where Mary Magdalene has proven a person with little realized hope can go.

Right now I’m somewhere in the middle. I can see behind me and man is it ugly but I can turn and see a road that leads to hope. It’s been paved by many, many people but the one person that has left a lasting impression on my heart is Mary Magdalene. So it’s her name I took, her example I remember each time I hear the name and each time I think there’s no hope for this miserable existence.

It’s no secret that my art site is called Sundrip – Art for Life. I’ve explained that art sustains me, keeps me going. But I have not explained that the reason I sign my name F. Magdalene is to also stamp a little piece of hope on the life sustaining art that I do. So when you see the name Magdalene just remember she’s the woman that proved to the entire world that no matter how horrible of a start we had, hope is possible, a good life is possible.

With our last sips of coffee I’d thank her for not giving up and for being a great example for other survivors.

Thanks for reading,
F. Magdalene

_{Words that describe Mary Magdalene}

_{Driven, Enthusiastic, Dedicated, Humble, Spiritually educated, Teachable, Thoughtful, Leader}

Talking To Mary Magdalene
Thursday, April 10, 2008-3:18PM EST