It seems hard to imagine that a woman would sexually abuse her own child. We hear about it more. People are angered when they hear a woman has beaten, neglected, starved, abandoned, murdered or sold her child to an abusive mate but they’re shocked when they hear women sexually abuse. Many people give excuses of mental illness to female offenders and that just infuriates me. When a conversation about female offenders comes up the first thing that’s said is the obligatory “This is horrible, that poor child. They should jail that woman.” Then ..then come comments of rationalization. They’re not trying to excuse the fact that she’s sexually offended a child; they’re trying to wrap their brain around the concept of a female predator. It’s not hard to do that with a man. We give them no excuses whatsoever. But women, it just doesn’t set well in our heads that she herself would violate her own child or someone else’s child. We don’t even bat an eye when it comes to violence by men but our eyes are wide with shock and sometimes even morbid fascination when it comes to violent female offenders. When I say violent female offenders I also include serial killers and pedophiles. Morbid fascination. Wow!
Even harder to imagine is that a female offender is also a sexual sadist. Dr. D said it is not hard for him to imagine because of his line of work. Think about this though, while watching a show like Criminal Minds where they often search for sexual sadists would the show be as believable to you if the offender were female? If every week the killer searched for on Criminal Minds was female would you be so disturbed by it that you’d eventually stop watching the show? A female killer cuts the hearts of her victims out. A female killer hunts and kills prostitutes. A female killer hunts and mutilates college students leaving them in public places, posed and exposed. The show would fail if they did that. However, those are actual themes of past shows.
Somehow the thought of a woman doing those things is more disturbing to us than the thought of a man. While Criminal Minds and shows like Special Victims Unit will not show a female predator weekly I can guarantee you that female predators hunt on a daily basis. They hunt not on TV but in real life, with real victims who are stamped with the stigma of sexual abuse and covered in doubt from people stuck in the mind set that women “usually don’t” sexually abuse their own children. If women will beat their children, starve them, neglect them and kill them routinely it should not surprise you that they will also sexually assault them.
Female Sadists- Therapy Discussion 1 of 2- Thursday, April 17, 2008-1:55AM EST
Female Sadists- Therapy Discussion 2 of 2-Thursday, April 17, 2008-2:27AM EST
Mother love is supposed to be perfect, and unconditional–the most tender of loves. We impose such high standards on mothers that it’s no wonder we gasp with shock (and morbid fascination)when we hear that a mother could sexually abuse her child.
I watched an episode of something . . . CSI? Law and Order? awhile back which dealt with a woman who sexually abused her daughter. I was quite surprised that they chose a female as the predator, not because I can’t believe women do such things but exactly for the reasons you stated: society doesn’t like to deal with such realities. (I saw another episode on a different prime time drama with a female predator; this one had a sexual relationship with her young son.)
This is a good post, I’m glad you wrote it. Say, why not enter it in the Blog Carnival? It’s not too late!
i have no idea whether there are more male predators than female, but i imagine females are better are disguising it. or people just dont see it as readily.
however, females can be psychopaths just as easily as males. more munchausen’s by proxy are females than males. maybe all. i do think the female perpetrators are getting more attention now. i think the reaction of the public is due to the difference in men and women, much of which is more than just roles imposed by society. personally, i think a female psychopath would be far more devious, even if she isnt violent or abusive, than a male is. because of the differences. add violence and/or abusiveness, and you have something very dangerous. knowing some of the girls i went to school with, i dont find it hard to wrap my mind around at all.
kïrstin♦
ps … and yes, even in the scope of sexual abuse.
k
Yes, it was easy for many people to see that my father was a sadistic abuser, but my mother still has many, many people fooled. Thanks so much for letting us use this for this month’s BLOG CARNIVAL AGAINST CHILD ABUSE. We need to raise MUCH more awareness about this. Thanks for your courage and advocacy.
It’s scarier because in many ways as small children we were MORE dependent on our mothers. Mothers are supposed to protect us from sexual abuse. But as you say, we cannot protect children unless we’re willing to recognize that a mother can be a sexual abuser, too.
I was beaten and mentally and physically tortured by my mother. Now, as an adult, I have developed a need to be abused by women. …….It seems they only hurt children. Or maybe it is because I am willing and the children are not. But now the need to be tortured is an affliction in itself. It is a compulsion and a desire that cannot be fulfilled without paying for it. What a fine way to grow up, needing to be tortured. ………..
aaron
The original comment by Aaron Younger was edited for content by an administrator.
reply by admin -
Aaron,
I know what it feels like to crave pain and I agree that true sadists only want to hurt those who are not consensual. I grew up knowing pain. It was after all my first language. But I personally long to separate myself from anything like how I grew up. Sometimes I feel compelled to do acts that were part of my abuse and that brings me great shame. I think the after affect of shame is part of the “fix” for me. But I’m working very hard to no longer revert back to my first language or derivatives of it. It is so very hard to learn a new language but it can be done. Perhaps I’ll never be fluent in health but I’d like to get to the point where I can communicate and be understood as a healthier speaking person. I’d encourage you to learn this new language too.
sincerely,
Morton of Morton’s Pride
I completely agree with you about the rationalizing of female offenders’ behaviour and that people seem unable to accept the reality of it. I’m very glad you wrote about this.