My therapist and I got on the discussion of the believability of my story because while some are willing to accept that women sexually abuse it is even harder to take their mind to a place where they understand they are also sexual sadists. This is where the discussion turns graphic. I told him my mother could not climax without offering some sort of pain. She could not “just” sexually abuse us and climax. She had to bind, mentally tortured and physically assaulted us for there to be any arousal. She may not even sexually assault us but finish by masturbating. But that wasn’t the end of it. When riding in the car she would recount stories of what she did to us. It may not be about what she did the night before or what she was going to do, the story might be about what she did when we were younger, about when she hurt us three months prior, a year prior. She’d go over the stories in detail, reliving each and every second with pure unadulterated evil. She’d also bring up her acts at the dinner table. Sometimes she cooked at home and that would be the discussion at the table. If we watched TV together, which we didn’t often do, she might interrupt the show with these details because something on the show reminded her of what she’d done to us. I’d sit there watching the show, trying to tune her out as she chattered on in strict detail about her sexual sadism.
Again we discussed not recognizing fear as a child. I recognized shame, anger, guilt and sadness but not fear. While talking about that again another one of my mother’s statements from the Bible popped to mind. “Fear no man.” Besides her telling us that everything is “naked and openly exposed” (which is a statement from the Bible) she also told us to “fear no man.” Not only did I believe she watched my every move and even had access to my head and that I did not exist separate from her I may have taken to heart the “fear no man” statement. How could I not be afraid at gun point? I don’t remember being afraid. How could I not be afraid watching my cousin hurt animals, but I don’t remember being afraid. Perhaps because they were just humans, mere men. What they did was horrible but I don’t remember being afraid. I’ve racked my brain to come up with times as a child that I felt fear of my mother. I can only come up with three times. Just three times that I expressed real fear as a child.
I saw the mother as god. She set herself up as god. She gave me food, shelter, clothing. She rewarded, educated and provided every single thing I had. She was my conscience. According to her she was the only person in the world I could trust and depend on. According to her I did not exist without her. She demanded loyalty, offered threats if you spoke against her and gave examples of disloyal children and the consequences they faced for being disloyal, disrespectful and rebellious. Basically she perverted true Godly headship for her own gain. Like any real devil she thoroughly enjoyed each and every moment of it.
Female Sadists- Therapy Discussion 1 of 2- Thursday, April 17, 2008-1:55AM EST
Female Sadists- Therapy Discussion 2 of 2-Thursday, April 17, 2008-2:27AM EST
The place that I went for therapy treated offenders as well as victims. When I started there, even the professionals did not want to believe that women could be offenders. We even had a couple of women offenders who started off in our group for victims because the therapists thought they had to be victims because they were women. So I’m glad that your therapist understands that offenders can be women, at least that’s a step forward.
I’m just thrown by how stuck people are in these social roles. We in the US talk a good game about making sure sexual abuse survivors heal. We open clinics, open support groups to heal but we’re still stuck in the mind set that we are healing mainly from the sexual assaults of men.
When female teachers molest their students it makes the news as well as late night TV. How does the abuse of a child turn into a joke? Jay Leno did it all the time which is why he’s not welcome on my TV screen.
People see the female offender differently than a male offender and they see the victim differently because of his gender. The studies, magazine articles, blog posts and conversations about if the boys had a part in the abuse or if it can be considered abuse would not take place if the offender was a man and the victim a teenage girl.
I can’t believe half the crap I hear about how the teenage boy may not be damaged by the abuse or may not be totally innocent. There was even a teacher that wrote on a blog that her male students flirt with her all the time and come on to her all the time. She said the boys want it. She has completely overlooked the fact that the child, CHILD is growing and has sexual feelings but it is the adults responsibility to know how to set a boundary and how to behave appropriately around children that aren’t. But this isn’t about puberty or hormonal teens, this is about how female pedophiles are able to fall back on excuses they make and excuses made for them. It’s about how we just can’t get ourselves unstuck and out of the idea that girls and made of sugar and spice and boys are dirty and horny.
My point is that women and men alike are made of sugar and spice. Men and women alike violate but when they do only women are given excuses. Interesting is that male and female pedophiles are hardly ever seriously called to justice. They are released to offend again and again. That much they have in common when it comes to legal ramifications for violating a child.
Austin
Dear Austin,
The horror of your experience is overwhelming.
I just want you to know that your words touched me.
Thank you for a provocative post!
Nancy
(admin disabled links)
Thank you very much for the links and the information on your blog. I visited briefly and saw a few entries that I could relate to. The entry about the California law stating that domestic violence is when a woman gets hurt was rather disturbing. I am thrown that the law separates protection by gender. I know society does but when I see the states do it it’s a bit more disturbing.
Sincerely,
Morton of Morton’s Pride