Food does not make this better. Cigarettes don’t help, music touches and I don’t want to be touched. Painting helps little but I can’t focus enough to finish anything. All I want to do is go to sleep. I’m pissed, just majorly pissed and I can’t even bring myself to cry.
There is a joyful me, one who was thrilled to death about having a fantastic sales week, 56 pieces in all. I wonder how she keeps herself separated from the rest of us who care about that but are overshadowed by anguish. It’s not that I don’t care. I like the fact that people want our art in their home. It’s just that right now I am pissed and tired and frustrated and running around like a chicken with my head cut off looking for soul food, something to cut the pain. It’s just not happening though. Nothing helps.
I feel lost right now and I need to find my way back.
56 pieces sold? Wow, congrats!!
I know what it’s like when nothing has meaning; it’s as if the color’s been bleached out of everything. When I get like that (all too often)it doesn’t help to try and force myself into a sunnier outlook, or pretend that I’m feeling okay. Nothing helps, period. I just have to ride it out.
I hope you will get through this sooner rather than later. I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately, even with the hectic stuff that’s come up.
We don’t have much to say, but we wanted yous to know that we are thinking of yous and hear your pain and exhaustion.
Congrats on the 56 pieces sold! That’s super! There will come a time in the future when that joy will rise up from within you and from the one who holds this joy and we hope that you’ll feel like doing a happy dance and happy clap.
Until then, rest easy my friend/s. Yous have all be doing very hard work on your past, your healing, and yourselves.
Please be gentle with yous and allow yourself the sleep that you need. I think that sleep is also part of the healing journey, especially when intense emotional wounds and healing work is being done.
You are loved and cared about,
Julies (and all)