When visiting Beauty’s blog I like to read the quotes on her sidebar. Here’s one I saw today. I’m sure she won’t mind me yet again snatching a quote from her. I even snatch the icons on her sidebar from time to time and send them to her as if I discovered it somewhere other than her blog. I send them in email as if she has no idea those icons and pictures exist. “Oh look what I found. I thought you might like this. I’m sure you’ve never seen it before.” Anyway so today I saw a quote that reminded me of a journal entry I’ve been meaning to write.
The great thing about getting older is that you don’t lose all the other ages you’ve been. -Madeleine L’Engle
Yes but, you do lose the natural colour of your hair forcing you to use box dyes to cover up the horrible realization that you inherited your grandmother’s wirey gold/gray hair. Damn you Grandmama, Damn you!
I was going to blog about my new gray hairs but figured I’d get no REAL sympathy, just comments of how early you went gray and how some of you guys have lost your hair, etc. Basically I figured I’d get comments like “suck it up Austin, you could be me.” Well dang it I’m not you AND I’m going gray. Is there no justice in this world? I don’t mind getting older it’s just that my inheritance really sucks. After all I’ve been through 6 wirey gray/gold Grandmama hairs is too much to take. Why! Why must this happen? Is there no justice for me? Can I return my inheritance. Can’t my gray hairs be one colour or the other and maybe even a little soft? It makes me wonder what that one (and I do mean one) little hair on my chinny chin, chin is going to look like in a few years. I shave that thing off but will I wake one day with it growing wild, dotted in gray and gold, piercing the pillow leaving a hole for feathers to escaped? Oh the humanity!
This was not supposed to happen to me. So in addition to breasts that compete for who can touch the floor first I now have to contend with my Grandmama’s gray hair. Do you know how tired I am of rolling my breasts to put them in the “sling”? I do the bending over, shaking dance to coerce them into the “sling” but the girls just don’t want to stay. Inevitably they peak out above the “Just My Size” brace forcing me to again bend over and shake them back into the perfect roll they were in before their escape. I lay in bed and they fall to my arm pits. Then and only then am I flat chested. If I get up too fast from a sitting position I could hurt somebody. I’ll never jog now. One wrong turn and I could take out a whole city block. The news report would be that a heavy set black woman with gray/gold hair and one (repeat one) gray/gold chin hair has been jailed for a drive by boobing.
My God does it not stop!!!!
Austin
July 20th - July 27th BUY ONE GET ONE HALF OFF of equal or lessor value. Your bill will reflect the discount.
Postcards excluded.
Hey, why pick on one of the eldest members of the DID cyber community, huh? I’ve got my own troubles, see? Today, just as I was about to enter The Dollar Tree, I broke my glasses. As in, they snapped in half. So I had to buy a $1 pair which, in addition to looking nerky, are giving me a bad headache and eye strain. As if that’s not bad enough I get on here and read your blatant admission to robbing me blind! How many times have you sent me things from my blog which I didn’t recognize? How many times have you done this and laughed up your sleeve? These are not rhetorical questions, I truly want (demand) and answer.
OK, now on to your whining: get over it, girl. Why, if I were there right now I’d have to slap you hard across the face to put an end to such pathetic babblings.
ONE hair on your chinny chin chin? Are you kidding me? And this is supposed to make your loyal readers feel–what, compassion? Sympathy? Hey, take it on the chin like a real woman! How would you like knowing that if you didn’t use Nair on a regular basis you’d be competing with your grown sons for the best redheaded goatee this side of the Mississippi? Huh? How would you like knowing you could let yourself go and inside a week you could easily pass as a man because, unlike some people I won’t mention, you don’t have to do the bend over, breasts in a sling thing?
Oh, poor Austin, she is so busty! Poor poor thing, she has ONE chin hair! Hah! I spit on your chin hair, I do.
Feel any better now? I know I do. Sarcasm always give me such a lift.
Oh my gosh I laughed so hard my sides hurt.
You’re not the eldest. I think Enola is like 65 or something isn’t she and Jewellybeano is close behind her with “a woman on earth” at a close third.
Austin <— spring chicken/duck who happens to be going gray.
PS to my comment above:
I just stumbled upon an article about a man who was once persecuted, yes PERSECUTED for wearing a full beard. Until you can say the same about your one measly chin hair, I refuse to hear one more word about it!
http://www.dyers.org/blog/archives/2008/04/14/joseph-palmer-perscuted-for-wearing-the-beard/
PPS Shove a couple of beads on the hair, and be done with it!
I’m pretty sure at 61 I am the oldest. Enola has a 4 year old and is expecting another baby. I’m pretty sure I remember she’s in her thirties. She might be looking for you after this post. lol
But down to the important stuff by the time you get to sixy even a flat chest can sag. I know it doesn’t make sense, but it does, I have proof. Not that I want to show anyone but I can sure produce flat chested pictures from my youth. These days I can push the sagging stuff into cups and call it boobs. But they are really fake because if the were never boobs before how can they be boobs now? It has to be sagging armpits and chest muscles and newly acquired sextiginarian fat but absolutely not boobs.
SIXTY FIVE? Try half that !! Yet I do have white hair, which I dye and will continue to dye. And chin hair - Austin, you need to pluck that - not shave it. Plucking makes it stay gone longer. I also have a mustache - I do shave that.
And boobs, ugh. Let’s not talk about that. Mine keep growing and growing and growing. You can’t even see my pregnant belly for this huge chest up top.
LOL. This made me laugh. I started getting gray hairs in collage. When a high school friend pointed them out to me I said, “I can thank Organic, Physics and Statistics for them”. Now I have a zillion small children running around 8 hours a day.
I pluck those damn little hairs on my chin. Those are my inheritance from my grandmother.