The People Behind My Eyes

Lately I’ve been dreaming about flying. I fly across the room to go get a small item or fly to the store through the air as if it were the most natural thing ever. I’ve even had a few dreams that took place at night which is unusual for me.

Last night I had a dream that I ran a marathon in Madrid, Spain then someplace in China. The runners all put their belongings in a huge pile on the floor of an empty stadium. Someone I didn’t know suggested we pilfer whatever was of value. I began looking for high top red converse but didn’t find them. As we sifted through their belongings I looked to the left of me out of the window. Outside the window was a huge, beautiful castle, something you’d see at Disney World but without that dang on mouse hanging around. It looked real but still had a Disney quality to it. I decided not to investigate but to continue through the stadium to meet friends for lunch. Once I got to the cafeteria it ended up being a huge group therapy session. I sat and chatted with a large black woman who told me she keeps her distance because I can go from 100 mph to zero in 60 seconds flat and that I’m temperamental, arrogant and not willing to listen to reason. She said she felt there was a lot of hope for me but she couldn’t be of assistance in my healing process because our personalities didn’t mix. I basically fed her back everything she said and apologized for being so unstable and unpredictable. She then handed me 3 cigarettes and escorted me out of the door.

On the way out the building turned into a huge complex that holds an Olympic size pool and several smaller pools. I walked carefully around the water cause this little duck has a water phobia. I found a door to go through that would let me get away from all that water. As I attempted to go down the stairs to a different part of the building that would lead me outside I ended up slipping. The stairs had slippery plastic on them and mud. I slipped and lost 2 of the cig which had been lit. Two employees helped me find the cigs so as not to burn the building down. I was then scolded for smoking and escorted out of the building where I met my mother, sister and some friends for lunch at my aunt’s house. I sat at a small round table while my sister chatted on. Then out of the blue she said, “Oh, you know Robert was shot and killed last night don’t you?” I said, “What? Who would want to kill Robert?” She said, “He called me, gurgled a few times then died right there on the phone.” I laid my head on the table and wept. The dream then changed to view one pieced together dried sunflower leaf without the stem. I woke up.

Commentary: At first I thought, wow, running a marathon in Madrid and China are once in a life time experiences but when I think about it those two places came up in my childhood quite often. I’ve talked about Spain a lot and about my mother liking Chinese artifacts and how each room was a different theme than the next room in the house. The living room had a Chinese theme. She had to learn a little bit of Mandarin, Chinese way back when but gave up on it. I don’t pilfer but it’s interesting that I was looking for the red shoes again and willing to snatch them from someone. I think the shoes symbolize feelings of self worth, of feeling lost inside, inner discord and things along those lines. To find them would mean having peace of mind which is why in my dreams I never find them, no matter how hard I search I just don’t find the shoes.

At first I thought that Robert calling my sister was a guy named Robert that I use to know but after thinking about it I’m sure it’s my Robert. In my system Robert symbolizes me and Maureen is closer to the timid child my sister could be. Just like the siblings in my system one is me and the other is my sister. It’s the same with the 5 year old twins, the Mute child is me, the playful happy one reflects my sister. Robert doesn’t like Maureen because he can’t stand that she’s timid and passive. He thinks she’s weak just like the sister.

That’s enough for right now. I do, however, intend to paint that sunflower leaf. I might be able to at least get the sick feeling to subside that way.

Recurrent dream theme: façade, Spanish, siblings, restaurants, abandonment

Feelings upon waking: sad, sick to my stomach

Instead of re-writing the dream I painted it.

Dream Running Flying Dying-Sunday, May 18, 2008-11:31AM EST