I put it off as long as possible. I avoided the subject of my sister as well as painting and writing what I was to bring in for therapy tomorrow/today. I don’t know, I just couldn’t do the writing part. I tried to paint the leaf from my dream just the way I saw it, broken, dry and brown in spots. When I painted it I felt so sad. I feel stupid saying I was nearly in tears and that I had to take several breaks. My goodness, I painted a sunflower leaf why would I feel so heart sick over that? Man I feel stupid saying I felt like that. I guess it’s just that I see myself in sunflowers (cause they’re multiple’s too and their heads hang low when they have too much to bear). When I see a sunflower damaged or neglected I internalize it. To see a perfect example of how I see myself please click the link to the blog called Go! Smell The Flowers.
The dried up leaf at the end of that dream was so clear! It was strange how the dream came to an end by focusing on one leaf. It was like a freeze frame. Many people find sunflower leaves fascinating because of the size but that fascination fades and they move right along to marvel at the mammoth size of the flower’s face. It’s interesting to me that instead of the flower itself being in the freeze frame it was only the leaf, the leaf without even a stem on it.
When painting by hand I didn’t want to leave it disconnected so I painted part of the stalk. I also could not bring myself to make it cracked and crumbled, not by hand anyway. The painting is 38 inches by 28 inches and was done in acrylics on brown craft paper. I used metallic paints where possible and focused primarily on the leaf. I then took a photo of it, did several Photoshop manipulations and put the two images together. With much turmoil I added the cracks and molded places.
The writing on the painting says: “Even the leaves should live vibrant, healthy, loved. Sunflowers should never look so sad.” Translation: “Even I should live with vibrancy, health and love. I should never be this sad.”
Click to photo for an idea of the size of this piece. Feel free to visit my Art Therapy gallery here on the blog.
Austin
The Sunflower Leaf-Wednesday, May 21, 2008-2:12AM EST
I think it is a beautiful painting. “Stupid?” When I start tearing up sometimes, I say “stupid” to invalidate what I’m feeling because I don’t want to deal with it.
It is funny that you mention Go! Smell the flowers blog because the day this was posted I was awarded the flower smeller badge which means I get to put up a little sign of their’s which I love and I every month I can pay it forward to 5 people who get to do the same. It is better explained here: http://www.gosmelltheflowers.com/archives/3172. When you get to your emails, you will find that you are one of the people that I payed it forward to for being such an inspiration and encouragement during the first 14 days of revealing the true inner core of myself in the blogsphere. Thank you!! And I hope you are doing well. Take Care, CC
I added a picture inside the entry as well to give an idea of the size of the painting. Large paintings help me a lot. Oh, and when I painted “She Hangs The Moon” some of it was done with my fingers. Like you, I finger paint.
Thank you for your comment and the award.
PS. About tossed salad, this is one of those rare times when I woke laughing.
Wow, I did not think that they were that large. You have amazing talent.
I have several portfolios of fingerpainting and pastel, crayon and pencil work and some water colors. I wish I would have taken some type of art class because all I do are these abstract types of stuff. But, they really do their job in helping me stay safe. The ones one the blog are from 2005 and looking at the progression is amazing to me. My most current ones are in my therapist’s office because they have so much emotion that they really scare me. He is holding them until I can face it with him. Symbolically, he holds the parts of me I can’t face until I am ready to take them out of hiding. Feels good to know the drawings are safe with him. (that I am safe with him)
I posted three paintings today from 6/4/05. I’m getting better at getting the colors to come out in the pictures. I emailed you late last night, but I’ll ask the question here. What do you suggest on protecting my drawings and writings,so that they are not used by others without my consent? And how do you do that?
Thanks,
Coleen
P.S. ~ I still want cheesecake…maybe for my wedding anniversary this weekend. My husband is taking four days off with the special day on Saturday. Austin, have a great weekend.