The People Behind My Eyes

First off, I’m angry. I’m one second from rage, from throwing things and screaming. Slight annoyances spark an anger response that simply isn’t justified. I AM ANGRY. I’m angry about the whole Blossom situation. I can tell I’m not just angry but furious which means I need to watch my step closely so as not to go off on people who don’t deserve it. Even if they deserve it it doesn’t mean I should go off on them. I need to watch my step right now.

The dream was very similar to the other dream I had about slapping Captain. In this dream I was cooking dinner, baked chicken, cornbread stuffing, mac and cheese, green beans. The dog kept coming into the kitchen sniffing around which pissed me off. I kept telling him no and sending him to his bed. He kept coming back. As I began stirring the dressing I noticed the dressing was full of dog chow. I then looked down and Captain was at my feet hoping for a bite. I was furious because I’d told him ten times to go lay on his bed. Each time I told him to do so the kitchen got smaller and his bed and the bedroom itself got larger. This time instead of just telling him to go to his bed I smacked him on his butt. He started back at his bed but I kept following him complaining about his misbehavior. As I went on and on he then stood up and became my sister. He leaned against a tall white dresser, exposed his arm through a white T-shirt and smiled at me. I began slapping his arm in the very spot he/she exposed. The look on my sister’s face was, “You can do whatever you want to me, it won’t hurt.” I tried slapping him harder but got no real pain response. I then realized not only did it not hurt him but I didn’t wish to hurt him, that wasn’t the point. I just didn’t want him in the kitchen. I turned around and walked away.

The dream switched to standing in my grandmother’s kitchen. We were all captive in the house, couldn’t leave. We were locked in but no one discussed why. I cleaned and tried to manage the mountain of dishes piled in the sink. I caught out of the corner of my eye a half gallon of chocolate milk fortified with a ton of synthetic vitamins. There was a huge letter K on the milk jug written in red, the rest of the lettering was blue. I decided to take a quick swig but got caught by the mother. She wasn’t pleased but didn’t hit me or anything. She walked right up to me, towering above me, smirking and took the half gallon of milk out of my hand. At first it was full. Even thought I only had a little the jug ended up nearly empty by the time it hit her hands. When she wanted to pour a glass for herself the milk had curdled. The label then changed to say it wasn’t milk but water and chocolate which didn’t make sense why it was curdled. She opened the second jug of milk, had a glass then left the kitchen without saying anything. I began putting away the dishes from the washer. I woke up.

COMMENTARY: I do not slap my dog. It’s not going to happen so why do I keep dreaming it? What does he have to do with me or my sister? I think I’m too close to this to see any possible connections. I suppose if I were slapping my cat I might be a little less offended by the dreams. I don’t slap them either but the bond is different w/ Captain. For him to be in my dreams changing to someone that gets abused or changing to my sister who pretty much asks to get hit in a particular spot is more than my mind is willing to process. So, if anyone has any comments at all please feel free to offer them. My sister’s name starts w/ a K. This is the second dream I’ve had where I actually ate or drank something. I usually don’t eat or drink in my dreams but the last two I have. I think that’s a significant change. Usually someone is about to eat (be sustained or nourished) but some sort of trauma takes place.

RECURRENT DREAM THEME: food, abuse, shape shifting, dog to human,

FEELINGS UPON WAKING: disturbed, tired. I went back to sleep and slept most of the day away.

Dream Re-Write: The idea behind dream therapy is to re-write the dream so that it comes out the way you want it to. You make yourself powerful instead of powerless over your subconscious. The way I re-wrote this dream was to make some of it a reality. I made the exact meal as the one in the dream (save the dog food in the dressing) and then shared some with Captain. I then did a bit of grooming with him, some brushing and stuff like that. We played ball outside for a bit.

The only thing Captain gets touched with is love. He doesn’t get hit. I wish I’d stop dreaming that.

Dream Slapping Captain, Again-Sunday, July 20, 2008 – 2:07AM EST