We tried something different today during therapy. Since I’ve had a really hard time staying grounded I decided I’d take my sketch pad in and sketch while talking to him. I did that. I also brought in the doll and showed it to him and told him why I made her. From there we started talking about therapy goals and how to structure the sessions. We set a few goals and then the tone changed. He said he’d like to build some trust with me. The “t-word”. I felt myself tighten up. I was a bit angry simply at the suggestion that I trust him. He said there may be a time when we have a session where I reveal something and show that I trust him. He said he’d like to point that out. I told him to do so means to erase all the trust that might already be there. I said to tell me I trusted you is a red flag for me. It’s the same as saying “You trusted me with this information, let your guard down, opened up and I chose not to hurt you. I just wanted to let you know I still have control and can hurt you when you least expect it.” Continue reading ‘Therapy and Garden Parks’
Daily Archive for July 30th, 2008
As dreams go this one seems less offensive than others but I still have that sick and dissociated feeling. I have come to know in my own dreams food symbolizes life sustenance. More specifically emotional and spiritual needs. I’ve noticed when I’m about to eat something traumatic happens. We’re going to meet friends to lunch or dinner, we’re going inside a diner where there’s cool air and refreshments after a long walk through the wilderness but something happens to stop this ability to refuel and refresh. I’m forced to deal with some sort of trauma on the same energy I had and draw from an already stressed well. This particular dream had the same symbolism in it. In dream therapy you’re suppose to write down the dream as it happened then re-write it the way you wish it happened or to make you the victor instead of the victim, powerful instead of powerless but I’m unable to re-write this one. I can at least copy down what I remember so here goes:
Dream:
The mother and I are going to go to the grocery store the following day. I’m out of food so she’s going to purchase groceries for me. The next day I get up but she stays in bed. The cab we called has arrived but the mother is taking so long to get up that it’s clear she won’t make the run. It’s decided that I’ll go alone. The mother has to look for the money. While she’s looking for her money a news flash comes on that Germany is bombing a small village because they didn’t appreciate the fact that the cost of fuel and food went up beyond what their small budgets could manage. The dream switches to standing in my grandmother’s kitchen. Continue reading ‘Dream: Refuel and Refresh’
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