Comments on: Re-create and Destroy – UPDATED

By: Beauty

Beauty — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 19:50:06 +0000

I don’t think I can add to the other comments, they’re all so well written. It does take courage to write about this subject, and that’s at least one thing positive you’re doing, rather than struggling alone and keeping the whole issue hidden.

I too wish you the best as you work through this…

By: Enola

Enola — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 17:53:24 +0000

In almost every book on abuse I’ve read (and there have been tons), there is a section about survivors who need to do some of the same things you’ve posted about. Or survivors who can only enjoy sex by fantaasizing about their abuse or acting it out. Considering how many times I’ve heard and read that, I’d dare say that nothing you have written is unusual, odd or “twisted.” I think that it is one of the ways we survivors continue to punish ourselves in the here and now.

Will you bring this up in therapy? I’d be curious to see what he says.

I know that I often felt the need to release energy after a T session. I’d do some intense blogging, go exercise, go somewhere and rant, rave, cry. Something to release the tension, anger and emotions that are so easily stirred during T sessions.

By: Tamara

Tamara — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 16:16:52 +0000

That took a lot of courage to post. You are so open and honest with your feelings and your healing process. I admire you for that.

I agree with wily – you have a lot of power in you! I know that you will figure out the best way to use it.

By: ClinicallyClueless

ClinicallyClueless — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:34:02 +0000

I think that was a big step making that connection. Let’s see where you go with it. I think you are very courageous for writing about it.

By: wily

wily — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 15:23:23 +0000

austin,

This is so raw. I don’t know if you want responses or not. I feel though that I would like to write a response so you can choose to post it, or read it, or just delete it.

I too experience a great deal of shame about all of the abuse I’ve just endured. I too ask myself how I could have just gone down without a fight. How? How? It’s taken me a long time to realize I had no idea how to fight. I’m 40 and I’m STILL trying to learn how to fight for my rights.

Sex is energy discharge. All the stuff around the bad things that happened has a lot of energy attached to it and sex is a way to discharge that energy. I think there are only a few things people can do that deal with energy on that level and all of them are physical. For me I have had to find other ways to discharge that are better for me. Like physical exercise or hitting stuff (I took martial arts for a while) or, actually, playing music. I play percussion which is also hitting stuff.

I was involved in an abusive relationship where sex was the thing–for both of us–that was that discharge of energy. After I managed to get out of that I realized that was a road I’d better not go down again if I wanted to stay away from bad people. It took time and a lot of work but better and more constructive ways have emerged.

You have a lot of power in you and what to do with it? The power of a lifetime that never got tapped. I don’t know what would help or be right for you but I do know that I am wishing all blessings toward you as you walk down that road.

wily