Today Captain Crunch “the Kid” ended his status as best dog and best service dog in the world. He would have been 9 in October. When we went to the vet we did our tradition that was started way back when he first became my service animal. When I had heart surgery, when I had colon surgery, when I went in the hospital for any kind of stay Captain was there with me. Before heart surgery or any other surgery he and I split a biscuit just in case I didn’t make it. We had a just in case symbolic last supper. Since I was about to eat a dog biscuit I had to choose one that looks half ways appetizing so I chose the green one. From our first shared meal it’s been a green dog biscuit. So today at the vet’s office, just before he went to sleep we had our last supper. He got the larger piece.
Truthfully, since he’s been Captain’s vet since Cap was 10 months old there wasn’t another vet I’d want to do it. I didn’t understand why he was being such an ass though. Captain stopped eating, wasn’t walking well, he wasn’t sleeping, had several open abscesses and declined with each passing day. The abscess on the side of his face that drained this morning got into his eyes. By the time we reached the vet Captain’s eyes were milky and dilated. He looked horrible but when we went in he perked up and greeted Dr. K like he always does. When I found out that Captain went from 128 to 107 in less than a month I really had no questions I was doing the right thing. What was upsetting was that Dr. K barked, “He needed to lose that weight.” Oh great, like it matters right now. He said to Captain, “I know you’re scared buddy.” I said, “His leg is shaking because of the nerve damage.” His reply was, “I know what’s wrong with this dog!” I was taken aback by his behavior because this is NOT the Dr. K I’ve known for years. Then when the nurse had a hard time keeping Captain’s leg still for the injection Dr. K barked at her, “You have to keep him still.” After she walked out of the room he and I just sat there and cried. Although my vet was a total ass at first he and I just sat there and cried. I don’t believe anymore that he fed me a line years ago that Captain was his favorite client of all time, not with his reaction to Captain passing. Dr. K stepped out of the room and I wrapped him in the green blanket then swept the room of all the hair he left behind when scooting around greeting Dr. K. I told Dr. K that I’ve been sweeping up after Captain for 8 years and I’d like to do it one last time. I took his tags, made sure the blanket was around him well, turned the lights out and rode home with my roommate Barney Fife.
It is strange to be here without panting, without his tail hitting the floor, without him greeting me when I come in the door. When I stood up to leave someone inside told him to get up. They wanted him to get up. Of course he didn’t.
Part of me smiles with pride that I was given the opportunity to share 8 years with this boy. Part of me weeps that he’s gone. I promised him though, I won’t let you suffer. That is a hard, hard promise to keep.
This is the first pet I’ve ever lost. I loved that boy.
Joan of Arc for Morton’s Pride
Captain Crunch 2008-Tuesday, August 19, 2008-4:03PM EST
I’m sad for your loss. You did the right thing, even though right now it doesn’t feel that way. It does sound like he was Dr. K’s favorite as well. He knew you were doing the right thing, but to have to do this to his favorite was hard for him too.
I am so sorry for your loss. It is obvious how much you loved him and we cry although we know neither you nor him.
Such strength and courage to allow/help a friend on a hard journey. Your love for Captain has always been evident and this final act on his behalf just proves that love. I’m sorry.
My heart breaks for your loss. I have had to let a dog go before and it was probably the hardest thing I have done. Rest easy knowing you let him go out of your love for him. You really honored him by not allowing him to suffer.
I am very sorry though because I know how much it hurts.
I know how much Captain meant to you: a dear companion among other things. I’m so sorry you had to let him go, and I hope it helps alleviate your pain to know how much your vet cared for him.
Please take care and let us all know how you’re coping with your loss.
Oh, I’m so sorry he’s gone. He was so important, and such a beautiful animal. It isn’t fair. You cared for him so much, and you will always have that love you shared. Take good care while you grieve.
This is so sad. I’m so sorry for you. I’m glad you were able to share part of your life with such a nice dog, it’s just so sad that he’s gone.
Thinking about y’all.
Campbell & Delane
So much I want to say to you but no words/phrases come together that “fit” — like trying to grab handfuls of water out of a huge unfurling wave…
I am so sorry for your loss. I am grateful that you honored your “promise” to Captain. I cannot imagine how difficult & painful that must of been. I am grateful of the love you and Captain shared. As one who is also walking this Healing Road, I am grateful for you sharing your heartache & for not stuffing it all in. May it flow in whatever ways that it must….that feel RIGHT to & in you. The hurt mixed with the love you two shared is precious & beautiful.
take care,
m.a.
We are so sorry for your loss.
Aww I’m crying too now. Sounds like the vet was having a tough time too. (((Hugs))) and prayers for you.
I’ve thought about you all day long, about how much you loved Captain and how difficult this loss must be for you. Reading about the things you did to care for him at the end touched me to my core. I will remember your strength and compassion, and find comfort in them, when the time comes for me to face a similarly painful decision.
Thank you for sharing this amazing animal with all of us, and big hugs to you.
we are very sorry and sad and got tears in our eyes too cuz we loved captain crunch through the love yous had for him and the love he had for yous and we are very sorry and sad for your loss. we wishes we could have met him in a few days but guessing that it not be meant to be. we know how hard it is to let a doggy go that you loved so so much and still love and yet it be the right thing to do even if it be so hard.
we are so sorry it had to ever come and it had to come now cuz it is just hard and that was very brave and loving of yous to not let him suffer and to be there with him. yous were a very good mommy to him and he had a very good life with yous and we know he be watching over you now cuz that just be how he be. we know he loved you lotta lots. and yous loved him lotta lots.
we cry now cuz we are sad for your loss and for captain crunch not being able to be there the same with you and get loves from you the same and for not being able to hear him in the background drinking his water when we be talking to you on the phone.
we are sad for your loss and know how hard it be to miss him and grieve him and be nice to yous and know and remember what a good mommy you were to him.
love from us and peoples (and l.j. and everybody)
Oh, I am so sorry that you and Captain are in different worlds now. The loss is great, the tide of emotion overhelming, as my heart breaks for you both I pray that you will find peace, I know Captain has found his. All my love, all my love, all my love to you. Please let us know if there is anything we can do for you, you are loved, so valued and important to us all. I am here if you need anything, anything at all, know that I am loving you both, one and all.
Heather
I’m so sorry! Spot will be 9 in November, so I know this is going to happen in the not-too-distant future. You can’t brace yourself for the loss you feel, just let it hit you and then go on, even though it’s hard. I’m thinking of you.
So so sorry about the loss of your Captain. It’s so painful to lose the pup you’ve loved for so long.