We use to go to the skating rink as a young adult with friends. We’d hang out, laugh together, sing with the radio and have a really good time. When it was time to go home you could almost bet I’d have some sort of physical emergency that required that I go to the emergency room. It took years for me to figure out that whenever I had a really good time I ended up so distraught that a hospital visit seemed necessary. The connection was made but it took even longer to change the behavior and to accept that fun and good are safe things and do not have to result in panic or a physical symptom.
After my guests left this evening I didn’t think to myself, I had too much fun I think my body is doing so poorly that I should visit the ER. I may not be wording this very well. I guess what I’m saying is that I had a good time and I get to keep it. I don’t feel the need to end this good feeling by tainting it. I hope that made sense. I actually get to keep this where as before I would panic, not trust the good feeling, have a physical symptom as a result of the fear and end up in the hospital. Not this time though and not for years has this happened. I got to have fun and I don’t feel bad about it.
Milwaukee
I Get To Keep It-Sunday, August 24, 2008-2:32AM EST
This makes sense to me. Often after an enjoyable time I fall into a deep depression.
How sad that because of childhood abuse we often can’t simply enjoy a good time. But you do get to keep this one, and all the ones that come after it!