It’s interesting that the Fife family prefers girls to boys. Barney Fife Sr is not partial to his son. He clearly prefers both Princess One and Two to Prince Fife. That is so disheartening because it puts Fife Jr. as well as the two grandsons on the outside. Fife Jr. said to me the other day that he really wanted to a girl so she could be “Daddy’s little girl.” He has a seven year old son. He was disappointed that he didn’t get a girl. My goodness, I hope his son doesn’t ever find out.
My family hates men but they also hate women. It was made clear to me that little boys are dirty and disgusting and that men are worse. I’ve said it before that my sister and I were made to say each morning in the mirror, “Men are pigs.” The mother drilled into us that men are pigs. She also drilled into us that women are petty, not to be trusted and will turn on you like a lion. Where did that leave me? I wasn’t a “dirty little boy” but I would most certainly grow to be an untrustworthy, petty little lonely bitch. I say a lonely one because she said women drive other women away with their attitude problems and constant competition. I never wanted to be those things. I felt dirty and ugly like the boys she talked about but my destiny would be different. I was born a girl. I got to be dirty, ugly, lonely, petty AND shallow.
It is so hard to grow up with a parent that has such strong preferences for the sex of their child especially when it is based on a fantasy or based on their personal distrust for mankind in general. Growing up is hard enough without the added burden of not being loved for what sex you are. For me, I couldn’t win. I wasn’t Mama’s little Princess nor was I the sex she loathed more than the one I was born with. How does a child manage such pressures? Add abuse with it and you’ve got a child that understands one thing, nothing about me is right. I am bad.
Most of what I know about myself I found out on my own as an adult. Most of what I feel about the opposite sex and the same sex I had to discover on my own. I do not feel that women are petty or will always turn on me. I fear them because my main abusers were all female but I don’t think all women are petty, shallow and backbiters. I also do not feel that all men fit into a single category. To even suggest it is offensive to me. The first few times Fife Jr. said women are crazier than he thought I laughed. Now I just see it as annoying.
My mother told my sister that it took awhile before she could love her but that she loved me right off. I wonder if Fife Jr. will ever be satisfied with the son he has or if he will continue to seek his Princess. How does a family outwardly prefer one sex over the other and go around as if it’s right? I don’t get it but it happens all the time. When Princess Fife wanted to move in Fife Sr didn’t say no but when Fife Jr needed to move in for two months he was first told no then reluctantly told yes. Is this Girl vs Boy or a bad father/son relationship in desperate need of healing? I’ll be watching because I really need to know, for myself I need to know.
Joan of Arc
The Princess That Never Was-Tuesday, September 09, 2008-1:51AM EST
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austin,
This post and your previous one on Fife Jr. really strike deep chords with me.
I was unwanted because I’m female. My mother wanted a boy (and got one two years later). She never stopped punishing me for being female from the day I was born, starting by abandoning me in the crib and just going on from there. But she did the “men are pigs” thing all of the time too. She told me men would make me into a slave and ruin my life.
I really feel what you are saying about having to figure it all out on my own. I too fear women although I am working on it and it slowly gets better over time.
I remember knowing at a wee age how much she hated me, wished I’d never been born, and wanted me dead. That’s why she would never take me to the doctor or hospital even the time I got hit by a car. she wanted me gone. She just prayed something bad would happen to me so she would be off the hook.
as I look at it now I think my mother equated having a boy with having power. She didn’t want anything that would get in her way of having power. I was competition to her dominance of her petty little world. My brother was meant to represent HER to the world, a man, someone who was meaningful. I think this dynamic of the parent wanting power is a lot of what drives extreme gender preference in families. Power over, (I see this a lot in parents who feel they can’t “control” a boy and prefer a girl), or perceived power through association and projection.
wily
My mother’s always shown a preference for males. When she caught my brother molesting me, I was the one who got screamed at. The same thing happened when she walked in on her hubby doing the same thing.
I think a great part of it really is about power. Probably early in life my mother realized that males have all the power, and she’s always aligned herself with that.
One of my brothers stole from her many times, but because he has a way with words and is very charming, there were no consequences. I would have never stole from her, but my honesty didn’t do anything to raise her opinion of me.
You guys were competition? For a grown woman a female child is competition and a threat? Gracious.
Austin