Comments on: Fear of Women, Strength With Men http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2008/09/10/fear-women-strength-men/ Sundrip Journals Sun, 12 Feb 2012 09:44:04 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Rosemarie http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2008/09/10/fear-women-strength-men/comment-page-1/#comment-4520 Rosemarie Thu, 11 Sep 2008 01:03:41 +0000 http://www.sundrip.com/journal/?p=2140#comment-4520 I don't know if this is helpful, but I would write it down. "Please don't touch me or come close to me." And I'd hand it to her at the beginning of the session. Then if you want to talk about it, it's out there, and you don't get touched again. I'm glad that puppy has found a home with you. All the rest --- seems like SO much. Best wishes from over here in Roseland. I don’t know if this is helpful, but I would write it down. “Please don’t touch me or come close to me.” And I’d hand it to her at the beginning of the session.

Then if you want to talk about it, it’s out there, and you don’t get touched again.

I’m glad that puppy has found a home with you. All the rest — seems like SO much. Best wishes from over here in Roseland.

]]> By: Austin http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2008/09/10/fear-women-strength-men/comment-page-1/#comment-4516 Austin Wed, 10 Sep 2008 17:48:00 +0000 http://www.sundrip.com/journal/?p=2140#comment-4516 Truthfully Blossom called on the right day. She called on a day when I was already mother triggered. So the sound of her voice was like fingernails on a chalk board instead of the soothing sound of familiarity. It was a good day to affirm that it’s over and over for good. I was hanging out with Chi while Blossom was still trying to hold onto "us". Blossom and I broke up officially quite some time ago. It's only been in the last month or so that I told her to take her stuff and stop trying to act like we're friends cause we're not. she didn't need to stay here every week end. But the actual break up was a bit ago. Anyway, I was hanging with Chi during the "get it through your head we're not together anymore" phase. Chi and Blossom know each other from Chi's work. It is too damn early for drama with Chi so this is the last thing I need. I already know Blossom wants a 4th go round but that's not going to happen. <strong>Not a chance</strong>. Finally a nice girl who holds a job, doesn't drink, do drugs, and has a sense of responsibility? Yeah, I'm going to try again with Blossom. Uh, huh, and after that I'll try open heart surgery while I'm awake. Blossom also told me she understands me. No, no you don't cause if you did you wouldn't call me. Girl, just don't cause I'm <em>so</em> not in the mood. There is too much bullshit going on to deal with her right now. Joan Truthfully Blossom called on the right day. She called on a day when I was already mother triggered. So the sound of her voice was like fingernails on a chalk board instead of the soothing sound of familiarity. It was a good day to affirm that it’s over and over for good.

I was hanging out with Chi while Blossom was still trying to hold onto “us”. Blossom and I broke up officially quite some time ago. It’s only been in the last month or so that I told her to take her stuff and stop trying to act like we’re friends cause we’re not. she didn’t need to stay here every week end. But the actual break up was a bit ago. Anyway, I was hanging with Chi during the “get it through your head we’re not together anymore” phase. Chi and Blossom know each other from Chi’s work. It is too damn early for drama with Chi so this is the last thing I need. I already know Blossom wants a 4th go round but that’s not going to happen. Not a chance. Finally a nice girl who holds a job, doesn’t drink, do drugs, and has a sense of responsibility? Yeah, I’m going to try again with Blossom. Uh, huh, and after that I’ll try open heart surgery while I’m awake.

Blossom also told me she understands me. No, no you don’t cause if you did you wouldn’t call me. Girl, just don’t cause I’m so not in the mood. There is too much bullshit going on to deal with her right now.

Joan

]]> By: Grace http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2008/09/10/fear-women-strength-men/comment-page-1/#comment-4515 Grace Wed, 10 Sep 2008 16:02:21 +0000 http://www.sundrip.com/journal/?p=2140#comment-4515 You expressed yourself so eloquently...that constant struggle of what to do..what not to do. I'm afraid to do it...I want to do it. As both a therapist and a survivor, I can tell you it is sooooo much more helpful if my client tells me their discomfort with anything. More important than anything else is my desire to have a client feel safe in my office. If you aren't feeling as safe as you can be, you aren't going to share as much or *hear* as much. In working with trauma survivors, I am very aware of the touch issue and always ask. Even if I want to move closer for some work, I'll ask first. If your therapist is not doing that, it's very okay to train her about your boundaries. Please do share how touch and space are issues and you would feel safer if she "....". Every trauma client is different. She needs to hear from you. It's okay. What you wrote above...maybe you could print it out and allow her to read it??? Again, thank you for sharing such insights. It's an honor to read of your internal struggles. Very inspiring and helpful. You expressed yourself so eloquently…that constant struggle of what to do..what not to do. I’m afraid to do it…I want to do it. As both a therapist and a survivor, I can tell you it is sooooo much more helpful if my client tells me their discomfort with anything. More important than anything else is my desire to have a client feel safe in my office. If you aren’t feeling as safe as you can be, you aren’t going to share as much or *hear* as much. In working with trauma survivors, I am very aware of the touch issue and always ask. Even if I want to move closer for some work, I’ll ask first. If your therapist is not doing that, it’s very okay to train her about your boundaries. Please do share how touch and space are issues and you would feel safer if she “….”. Every trauma client is different. She needs to hear from you. It’s okay. What you wrote above…maybe you could print it out and allow her to read it??? Again, thank you for sharing such insights. It’s an honor to read of your internal struggles. Very inspiring and helpful.

]]> By: wily http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2008/09/10/fear-women-strength-men/comment-page-1/#comment-4514 wily Wed, 10 Sep 2008 14:19:00 +0000 http://www.sundrip.com/journal/?p=2140#comment-4514 oh austin, rats, fucking rats. Fife is SO WRONG in this. So wrong. You deserve better. Well, maybe the universe is sending you better. I certainly expect it to. yeah, what do we do with that powerful transference? I go through that, too. But I think it's not just me. I find that women want to "mother" me but for obvious reasons, like you, the last thing I want is for someone to try to play my mother in a therapy session. Especially someone I don't know. Too many holes to fall into there. I've never been able to do well with a woman therapist. They tend to try to either mother or over-identify with me and I'm not comfortable with either approach. I have had better luck with relationships that are a bit more formal, like women doctors. I have women friends too. The therapist thing is pretty tangled. I admire you for even being willing to give it a shot. man, austin, wow. Well, I am just going to tell the universe it needs to send you better. You deserve to be better appreciated and honored as the supportive and stable housemate I am sure you are. The hell with those who do not see what they have in you. Others will. wily oh austin,

rats, fucking rats. Fife is SO WRONG in this. So wrong. You deserve better. Well, maybe the universe is sending you better. I certainly expect it to.

yeah, what do we do with that powerful transference? I go through that, too. But I think it’s not just me. I find that women want to “mother” me but for obvious reasons, like you, the last thing I want is for someone to try to play my mother in a therapy session. Especially someone I don’t know. Too many holes to fall into there. I’ve never been able to do well with a woman therapist. They tend to try to either mother or over-identify with me and I’m not comfortable with either approach. I have had better luck with relationships that are a bit more formal, like women doctors. I have women friends too. The therapist thing is pretty tangled. I admire you for even being willing to give it a shot.

man, austin, wow. Well, I am just going to tell the universe it needs to send you better. You deserve to be better appreciated and honored as the supportive and stable housemate I am sure you are. The hell with those who do not see what they have in you. Others will.

wily

]]> By: Beauty http://www.sundrip.com/journal/2008/09/10/fear-women-strength-men/comment-page-1/#comment-4512 Beauty Wed, 10 Sep 2008 13:45:47 +0000 http://www.sundrip.com/journal/?p=2140#comment-4512 I know how hard that therapy session must have been for you. Oh the agony of feeling once again like a small, voiceless child! It's perfectly understandable that you weren't able to express how uncomfortable you were with being touched. Your mother issues go deep; how could a female therapist not set off some serious triggers? You have nothing to kick yourself for, you were frozen with the inability to articulate your need to not have your space violated. As for the Barney situation, I just don't get it. I realize he wants you out so that his daughter can move in, but still. I thought he liked having you there. I can imagine how the news of his wanting you to move must have struck you. A hard, hard day, and Blossom thrown in as a bonus! I know how hard that therapy session must have been for you. Oh the agony of feeling once again like a small, voiceless child! It’s perfectly understandable that you weren’t able to express how uncomfortable you were with being touched. Your mother issues go deep; how could a female therapist not set off some serious triggers?

You have nothing to kick yourself for, you were frozen with the inability to articulate your need to not have your space violated.

As for the Barney situation, I just don’t get it. I realize he wants you out so that his daughter can move in, but still. I thought he liked having you there. I can imagine how the news of his wanting you to move must have struck you.

A hard, hard day, and Blossom thrown in as a bonus!

]]>