Daily Archive for September 30th, 2008

Should Have Been 9

Published on September 30, 2008 in Depression, Grief Sadness Loss and Pets. 4 Comments

As far as today goes, today went pretty well. I’ve had a good few days in a row now. I got to talk to a friend of mine on the phone. I saw Chi then came home where Maureen made dinner for my two roommates. Fife Sr.’s daughter has a farm so when he came back from his visit he brought a bunch of fresh veggies and stuff.  “I” went ahead and made some garlic bread then made homemade meat sauce over spaghetti. It was pretty darn good. Gosh it’s nice to see Maureen around again.  After that I retired to my porch with the girl  (that would be Ladybird) for a cup of coffee. I can’t complain about how the day has gone.My concern however is how I’ll do on the first. Captain would have been nine years old October 1st.

It breaks my heart. I miss my boy. I’m happy I have therapy on his birthday. I’m angry enough to throw things…. not just sad but angry that he’s gone. I like Ladybird, I really do. She likes to snuggle and hug and stuff and she’s doing really well with her training. But I miss my boy… I miss my boy.

Part of me thinks I killed my dog but another part chimes up with, “my gosh you had to put him down. you had to. what else could you do?” Continue reading ‘Should Have Been 9′

This Is My Heart and Soul

Published on September 30, 2008 in Mental Health, Morton's Pride, PTSD, Soapbox and Therapy. 4 Comments

I saw the new pdoc who is actually a nurse practitioner. I sort of grilled her about her experience with psych meds. I asked not just what meds she knows but what meds she’s seen make a difference in the lives of her clients. We talked about prescription Lyrica for the fybro. Right now we’re keeping all meds as they are. During the session she asked the basics. Have you ever been abused, is there a history of addiction in your family, blah, blah, blah, etc, etc. She then asked if I’m in a relationship. I said yes but it’s brand spanking new. She asked if the person is a man or woman. When I answered she paused then said, “Um, how long have you been gay?” I laughed and said, “About as long as I’ve been black.” It was a nice icebreaker. She and I laughed about it. She said it was a stupid question but I thought it was kinda funny.

We then moved into a bit about the mother. She just shook her head like most do in total disgust. At the end she said, “Now, lets discuss your fee.” I about fell over. I know I changed 6 colours when she said that. I said, “Um, fee? I was under the impression this was pro-bono. That’s what the secretary said; this is pro-bono for right now.” She said it wasn’t and could I pay anything at all. I said, no, I don’t have anything to give you. I have three dollars and you can’t have it. I immediately thought to myself, “I could always do like people do at a restaurant. I wouldn’t dine and dash but psych and dash.” She then asked if I’d be willing to trade artwork or crafts as payment. I’m sure I didn’t show it but I was livid. This is the thing, I’ve bartered with my artwork for a lot of different things. I’ve bartered for furniture, DVD’s, work on my computer and a host of other things but I WILL NEVER trade art for therapy. Hell I’ve sold art therapy sketches before but I will not trade my art for psych services. I’d rather get a bill for that $100 session than to hand her a hundred bucks worth of prints or a few dolls. Forget that. It’s not going to happen. I thought all of that but I never said anything. I just looked at her in total disbelief. Continue reading ‘This Is My Heart and Soul’