Daily Archive for October 4th, 2008

Cause I Couldn’t Sleep

I couldn’t’ sleep so “I” painted.

Photobucket

I’ve started taking a clonapin at night to help me get to sleep. It seems my anxiety reaches an all time high when it’s about time to call it a night. It helps to slap some paint on paper or pixels on the screen so I can relax. This one is by Maureen. It’s untitled. Man it’s good to see her back… and even painting again!

Last night was another one of those nights when we really needed to see a simple picture, nothing too active, something calming and soothing so “we” painted this.

Austin

Broke But Happy

I usually complain about money around the beginning of the month but you know what? I feel good right now. The thing is this, I like when everything is paid and there’s a zero balance on everything. My car was paid off yesterday. Heck yeah! The overall cost was mega low but it still took a bit to pay it off while paying insurance, $4.99 a gallon, rent and phone and all the other stuff I pay. That small payment hurt but it’s paid off and all my other obligations are covered to a zero balance. I don’t like an empty wallot but I do like the feeling of pride for meeting my obligations.

The fur babies have what they need for a month. I have medication and personal items plus a very tiny cushion for emergancies. Can a person really be happy like this? Yes, especially when they know they were told they’d never, ever make it on their own.

My income level has dropped significantly since I stopped cooking professionally. My lifestyle is very different. Tight isn’t really how I’d describe it.  Ten years ago I averaged 80 grand a year. I now bring in about 7 grand. Life is majorly different. I doubt calling myself destitute is an exaggeration.  But even in this state, when I’ve covered everything, when my pockets are empty, there is still a feeling of pride.  I cannot lose that feeling of pride because once I do my feet stop. Maybe it’s strange but it feels good to know when it comes to bills and food I can sit back and rest for this month.

J of A