Ladybird is gaining weight and doing better but she’s not producing anymore milk so I’m bottle feeding Halo. Somehow Ladybird broke her dew claw so she’s recovering from that. Lord have mercy on this puppy.
Fife Jr will move out tomorrow but he’s leaving his 3 month old puppy Brody here with me. He’s paying me weekly to care for him as well as paying for food for Ladybird and buying formula for Halo. Not bad.
I’ll miss the eye candy that is Fife Junior but I will not miss some of the drama he brings home. It’ll be nice when it’s just the drama of me and Senior again.
Fife Senior raised the rent but said I could stay since Junior and his sister will share a house for the next 7 months. That means for the next 7 months I’ll be here.
I have a full week of doctor appointments next week which means I’m going to be big time tired. I’m not looking forward to it.
It feels good to be eating again, well I mean eating well. For a bit there I was eating junk but I’m sort of back to my usual cooking pattern.
This body is tired. After therapy Wednesday I came home and slept from about 5:30PM until Thursday evening. I got up to take care of the dogs several times and went back to sleep. I was knocked out big time. In therapy we talked about the artwork my mother had at her house. She had murals and original oils from local artists. There weren’t people in the art though which I found odd. The only animals were birds or fish. When I drew as a child I did abstract type paintings, no animals, no people just lines, squares and geometric shapes. My grandmother and second aunt had murals with faceless people. One aunt had murals of nature scenes.
I don’t know how we got on the subject of the mother holding me when I was a child but we did. I skipped over the subject refusing to answer. I kept talking about art until I described all the murals through out my lifetime in many, many houses. Towards the end of my session I told him I didn’t like to sit on her lap or hug her. Once she asked for a kiss and hug and I told her no. I was a stubborn little something. It took 3 whippings before I gave in and kissed and hugged her. That close in her chest I worried I’d slip right into her …that somehow I’d get vacuumed right inside her and never come out or worse she’d squeeze right inside me and no amount of effort could tear her away. The thought had to be pushed back because expressions of “love” were required.
To this day I am not a touchy feely kind of person but I have to admit Chi gives the best hugs. She gives the kind where you know she means it. It’s not a soft barely touching you hug nor is it a bear hug, it’s a holding close and strong kind of hug. I like it. I look forward to them. I’m still afraid of liking her but I certainly look forward to being hugged and held. I’ll never admit that to anyone face to face.
J of A
Poor Ladybird! She is so lucky to have you caring for her.
Good luck with all of the appointments.
I totally understand not wanting to hug and kiss your mother. Luckily mine didn’t want to very often but when she did is was a real chore making myself act like I didn’t mind. I felt such hatred and anger for her when I was a kid that I didn’t even recognize until I had gone through years of therapy.